I thought all my mid-40's friends were having some sort of mid-life crisis because they started hyphenating their names...all of them...and all at once.
Which lead me to wonder: why? What's the point of that? Is it to gain some sort of independence from the shadow of their husband? You know, not want to be known under someone else's identity? Which lead me to wonder...
Is there something wrong with their marriage? Their perception of the arrangement of their marriage? Are they tired of using the identity of some man who expects them to stay at home, tend to the kids, take care of the house, garden all the yards, make all the meals, iron all the clothes...all when what they really want is to have their own gig back?...the one they had before kids????!!!
The gig when they were known for themselves and not the package that comes with the umbrella of wife and mom???
But were they really known for themselves before they took their husband's name? I mean, didn't they just have some other man's name before that? Their dad's? And isn't he just some other man in this hegemonic strata all designed to cover the independence of women??!! Aren't they just trading one man's name for another? And is their dad really THAT great, that his name should be hyphenated with the husband's? "Look at me I have a double dose of NO IDENTITY, but I feel so innn-deee-pen-dent!"
What the heck is happening?!
Then, I realized, everyone was getting facebook accounts around the same time, and they merely wanted their friends who knew them before they were married -- to find them.
Boy do I feel dumb, but VERY relieved. :-))
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I Told the Universe and the Universe Heard
'Putting it out to the universe': What is that exactly?
Lately I have been meeting a lot of people who say that the universe is responding to their needs. Like the other evening, we were at a casual summer party and I found myself in a conversation with someone who was telling me about a really tough time she went through with a 'female' ailment; and how it kind of resolved itself. I asked, "how do you think it fixed itself?"
"I don't know." she responded.
"Do you pray?" I asked.
"No." she replied. "But, I put it out there to the universe, and I started feeling better somehow, then a really good homeopathic doctor came into my life, and now the problem is just about gone!"
And last week, having morning coffee with some neighbors, one said to another (who just avoided a near accident while on a bike ride), "the universe is really watching out for you!"
And then I was listening to NPR while they were interviewing a type of anxiety therapist who was talking about his technique in helping people. A caller called in complaining of a visceral anxiety surging whenever he thought about something (I can't remember what).
The therapist then walked the caller through a visualization of the anxiety - watching it drain from his body - and floating into the universe like a cloud - then comparing the size of the universe to the anxiety cloud - and, of course the anxiety cloud was so small compared to the universe that the caller felt better...empowered to know his anxiety was small and he could wrap his brain around it.
So, me, the bold Christian, wants to ask, do you really think the universe is a responsive entity? Why is it PC to talk about the universe like it's God and not get alienated like those of us who talk openly about the power of God?
When I have a problem - I pray to God: not necessarily to 'fix' the problem, but to gain wisdom and understanding of His will in relation to the problem. It's a measure of my trust. It's for me. And it builds my faith. And, yes, I know that God guides me towards right actions in relation to the problem (whether it gets fixed or not).
I like to think about how small my problems are compared to the greatness of God. And most importantly, I like to tell my problems how big my God is...as opposed to talking to God about how big my problems are.
I am not accepted by many groups in saying all this openly - -in mixed company, am I? For certain, I would not be interviewed on NPR with this technique of comparing my relatively tiny anxiety to God's great size.
And also it's all just semantics, right? Just words: God. Universe. Who cares which one you use?
Well, you should. Because the one you use is the one you build a relationship with.
So who authored the universe? You know, it's a very tightly synchronized system of solar systems, planets, stars, asteroids, etc. The slightest deviation from any orbit could cause mass destruction. So who planned all that organization and exactitude?
It seems to me that the universe is but one of God's products. Yes it's big and mysterious but we can validate it....and therefore, I guess, validate our appreciation of it by giving it credit for taking care of us.
But God is so much bigger than the universe.
Is my meal from the frying pan or the chef who made the meal? Or the factory that made the frying pan? Am I from my parents or my siblings?
From God's perspective, we are another of His creations, just like the universe is one of His creations. We are not beholden to the universe...We are beside it. It is our playground, our environment, our home, place, ours to discover, explore and appreciate... But our keeper? No way.
Whenever someone says "universe" in relation to meeting their needs, it's a sign they want to believe in something but are afraid to step out of socially accepted rhetorical comfort zones to express it. I believe God has them on His radar as 'wannabe-lievers', but He knows they are 'afraid-to-believers'.
He will hear them regardless of who they think they are talking to cause He knows they need to be cared for...and they are at least talking to one of His products.
Lately I have been meeting a lot of people who say that the universe is responding to their needs. Like the other evening, we were at a casual summer party and I found myself in a conversation with someone who was telling me about a really tough time she went through with a 'female' ailment; and how it kind of resolved itself. I asked, "how do you think it fixed itself?"
"I don't know." she responded.
"Do you pray?" I asked.
"No." she replied. "But, I put it out there to the universe, and I started feeling better somehow, then a really good homeopathic doctor came into my life, and now the problem is just about gone!"
And last week, having morning coffee with some neighbors, one said to another (who just avoided a near accident while on a bike ride), "the universe is really watching out for you!"
And then I was listening to NPR while they were interviewing a type of anxiety therapist who was talking about his technique in helping people. A caller called in complaining of a visceral anxiety surging whenever he thought about something (I can't remember what).
The therapist then walked the caller through a visualization of the anxiety - watching it drain from his body - and floating into the universe like a cloud - then comparing the size of the universe to the anxiety cloud - and, of course the anxiety cloud was so small compared to the universe that the caller felt better...empowered to know his anxiety was small and he could wrap his brain around it.
So, me, the bold Christian, wants to ask, do you really think the universe is a responsive entity? Why is it PC to talk about the universe like it's God and not get alienated like those of us who talk openly about the power of God?
When I have a problem - I pray to God: not necessarily to 'fix' the problem, but to gain wisdom and understanding of His will in relation to the problem. It's a measure of my trust. It's for me. And it builds my faith. And, yes, I know that God guides me towards right actions in relation to the problem (whether it gets fixed or not).
I like to think about how small my problems are compared to the greatness of God. And most importantly, I like to tell my problems how big my God is...as opposed to talking to God about how big my problems are.
I am not accepted by many groups in saying all this openly - -in mixed company, am I? For certain, I would not be interviewed on NPR with this technique of comparing my relatively tiny anxiety to God's great size.
And also it's all just semantics, right? Just words: God. Universe. Who cares which one you use?
Well, you should. Because the one you use is the one you build a relationship with.
So who authored the universe? You know, it's a very tightly synchronized system of solar systems, planets, stars, asteroids, etc. The slightest deviation from any orbit could cause mass destruction. So who planned all that organization and exactitude?
It seems to me that the universe is but one of God's products. Yes it's big and mysterious but we can validate it....and therefore, I guess, validate our appreciation of it by giving it credit for taking care of us.
But God is so much bigger than the universe.
Is my meal from the frying pan or the chef who made the meal? Or the factory that made the frying pan? Am I from my parents or my siblings?
From God's perspective, we are another of His creations, just like the universe is one of His creations. We are not beholden to the universe...We are beside it. It is our playground, our environment, our home, place, ours to discover, explore and appreciate... But our keeper? No way.
Whenever someone says "universe" in relation to meeting their needs, it's a sign they want to believe in something but are afraid to step out of socially accepted rhetorical comfort zones to express it. I believe God has them on His radar as 'wannabe-lievers', but He knows they are 'afraid-to-believers'.
He will hear them regardless of who they think they are talking to cause He knows they need to be cared for...and they are at least talking to one of His products.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Don't Be Afraid To Stand....DOWN
I added that Britt Nicole song to my play list that goes (in part), "don't let your lights go out./ Don't let your fire burn out. / Somewhere somebody needs a reason to believe. / Whatever your eyes are on now / don't be afraid to stand down. / That's how the lost get found."
Several months ago, my son was on a week-long camp out with his camping club. They were kayaking down the Colorado River. Great time.
He could not stop talking about all the fun he had. One of the things the boys did for fun during a trek up some waterfall - or maybe in a cave - was to have a moss ball fight from the spongy moss growing to the side of the water. Sounds gross, right? Well, they are all boys, go figure.
Anyhow, one of the boys took a stray moss ball in the head and decided to get mad at my son for it....even though it wasn't thrown by my son...for whatever reason this kid got mad and tried to strangle my son in a head-lock. Now, you should know that my son is no slouch - he's tall and muscular and can hold his own. The guy attacking him was smaller but strong.
In telling the story, my son said, "it was weird mom, it was like he was a mad dog or something, like he couldn't control what he was doing." (I have such a strong radar for people with abhorrent behavior - so my antenna went right up)
My son eventually broke free. Didn't fight back. Was a little shook up. But fighting back was never a question for him.
I applauded him for turning the other cheek...that biblicly he did the right thing. That's exactly what Jesus teaches.
I confess, I felt sick to my stomach saying these things because I wanted to not only rip out the other kid's eyes myself, I also wanted my son to know the satisfaction of decking the guy...knocking some sense into him.
One of the counselors told me later in an email that the strangle kid was known to be aggressive and has had several 'stern warnings' on several other camp outs about his aggressive behavior, and that my son was not the only one this kid has lashed-out at. He said, "we aren't watching the boys a lot of the time. Their behavior is up to them. We counselors have to teach the goof-balls to become men and teach the men how to deal with the goof-balls." And, in my head I agreed with him, absolutely, and had no hard feelings. The incident was past. Or was it?
Last Sunday, my son left on another camp out and I found my self saying, "If that kid is on this camp out, and if he attacks you, by all means, you fight back. I will back you up 100% if you are defending yourself. Don't throw the first punch, just hit back if you need to defend yourself.
And that's where the song comes in. How could I give my son such non-biblical advice? Where is my heart at? DON'T BE AFRAID TO STAND DOWN BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE LOST ARE FOUND. Submission is an invitation to...
As a parent, I want to only give my boys guidance and discipline that is good (read right, read godly, read from the Bible), and here I was totally taking the easy way out because of my own personal fear of the uncontrollable, unpredictable. My attention to fear - in that moment - became bigger than my trust in God's promise.
Have you ever been reminded of how small you are? I feel pretty puny right now. Jesus does not deserve this kind of treatment. After all, he trusts me to raise His children/my sons.
This might seem small to you - something that happens every day. And that's the point. Small things that layer and layer in our everyday lives continue to help keep the evil one in control. Yes, in control. And I don't want that for my life or either of my sons'.
Several months ago, my son was on a week-long camp out with his camping club. They were kayaking down the Colorado River. Great time.
He could not stop talking about all the fun he had. One of the things the boys did for fun during a trek up some waterfall - or maybe in a cave - was to have a moss ball fight from the spongy moss growing to the side of the water. Sounds gross, right? Well, they are all boys, go figure.
Anyhow, one of the boys took a stray moss ball in the head and decided to get mad at my son for it....even though it wasn't thrown by my son...for whatever reason this kid got mad and tried to strangle my son in a head-lock. Now, you should know that my son is no slouch - he's tall and muscular and can hold his own. The guy attacking him was smaller but strong.
In telling the story, my son said, "it was weird mom, it was like he was a mad dog or something, like he couldn't control what he was doing." (I have such a strong radar for people with abhorrent behavior - so my antenna went right up)
My son eventually broke free. Didn't fight back. Was a little shook up. But fighting back was never a question for him.
I applauded him for turning the other cheek...that biblicly he did the right thing. That's exactly what Jesus teaches.
I confess, I felt sick to my stomach saying these things because I wanted to not only rip out the other kid's eyes myself, I also wanted my son to know the satisfaction of decking the guy...knocking some sense into him.
One of the counselors told me later in an email that the strangle kid was known to be aggressive and has had several 'stern warnings' on several other camp outs about his aggressive behavior, and that my son was not the only one this kid has lashed-out at. He said, "we aren't watching the boys a lot of the time. Their behavior is up to them. We counselors have to teach the goof-balls to become men and teach the men how to deal with the goof-balls." And, in my head I agreed with him, absolutely, and had no hard feelings. The incident was past. Or was it?
Last Sunday, my son left on another camp out and I found my self saying, "If that kid is on this camp out, and if he attacks you, by all means, you fight back. I will back you up 100% if you are defending yourself. Don't throw the first punch, just hit back if you need to defend yourself.
And that's where the song comes in. How could I give my son such non-biblical advice? Where is my heart at? DON'T BE AFRAID TO STAND DOWN BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE LOST ARE FOUND. Submission is an invitation to...
As a parent, I want to only give my boys guidance and discipline that is good (read right, read godly, read from the Bible), and here I was totally taking the easy way out because of my own personal fear of the uncontrollable, unpredictable. My attention to fear - in that moment - became bigger than my trust in God's promise.
Have you ever been reminded of how small you are? I feel pretty puny right now. Jesus does not deserve this kind of treatment. After all, he trusts me to raise His children/my sons.
This might seem small to you - something that happens every day. And that's the point. Small things that layer and layer in our everyday lives continue to help keep the evil one in control. Yes, in control. And I don't want that for my life or either of my sons'.
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