I leaned forward to give her a pat on the back...a kind of non-verbal, "It'll be ok." But just as I reached my hand out she got up and quietly left the sanctuary. I couldn't help it. I had to follow her. Even though she was a stranger, I felt like when you are crying and upset, you still like some kind of friendly comfort.
I found her in the foyer by the coffee and I said, "Are you gonna be okay?"
She said, "Yes, I'm just going to sit in the car for a while till I can pull it together."
I said, "You know, it's okay to cry here, it happens all the time."
"No. No, I'll just sit in my car." She said. And off she went to the parking lot.
After the service I found out that her name was Mary, and it was sealed to my heart that I would pray for her to look for strength in Jesus. Sometimes things don't get better, but if you look to Jesus for strength, he WILL help you through it.
On my way out of the sanctuary I saw the guy who heads up the prayer team. So I asked him if he could pray for a hurting person named, Mary. He asked, "Did you write the request down on a connection card?" I was like, "well, no." He said, "If it's not on a card, I won't remember it." (like Mary is a real tough name for Christians to remember). I felt a big wall go up. I just replied truthfully, "well, I will remember, and I will pray for her."
Now tell me, am I crazy? I just felt like telling the guy (who is actually a great friend and brother in Christ), it's not rocket science....you know of pain...you say a prayer. I mean it gets etched on your heart. You don't forget it. - why do you need paper records? And if you need paper records, why not, since you are in the position of being the head prayer person, why not take up the gauntlet and gather the information and be done with it? Why not just say, "thanks, I will make sure we pray for so-n-so" then write a little note to yourself, or on your hand, or carry the connection cards with you?
I just cannot imagine a gathering with Paul where hurting followers of Christ are all together and Timothy saying, "well, if you don't have the scribe write down the request, we won't remember to pray for them." It just seems like in a place of worship, Christian suffering is what we tend to: we are a body come back in from the streets for nourishment, strength, teaching, care and healing. We are one body. How can he say, well hand, if you don't send me a memo about the eye, I won't remember to fix it." It's ridiculous.
Why make a person who is reaching out and trying to live the faith in the way the pastor just lectured on - -why make them do the leg work? Dotting I's and crossing T's? It smacks of bureaucracy and that is not Christ's church. That's what Christ battled.
The way this guy sorts information - I grieve - is seed for creating monolithic barriers of entry at my place of worship....and I can't call it a Christian church because at the root of it - of all this bullsh-t ...at the root we will find idolatry of some sort, and people following Christ are in a constant intentional act of purging idols. The way in which this prayer person is conducting himself reveals his clinging to some idol rather than to the God who has called him to this ministry. What it is I don't know. But it's so subtle. If I bring all this up, I will be tagged as a complainer. So here I sit quiet about it. Makes my stomach hurt.
