Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Survey Says!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Evolution of a Believing Wife's Prayer
Sunday, September 26, 2010
If You Are A Married Christian, You MUST Read This
Friday, September 17, 2010
Crossed The Line
Somewhere I crossed a line of looking at my life in terms of ‘what should I do today?’ to ‘I don’t have much time left!’ On the one side of the line, life is endless and I never practically or daily thought of life in terms of when it ends. Well, I knew life had an end to it, but I never thought about it. Just kind of took things as they came. Do well and be nice to others and someday way down the line somewhere, it will all be accounted for…you know when I someday meet Jesus. The end was always quite off in the blurry distance.
Maybe it’s because I’m in my forties my perspective has shifted. Now, I think about the end all the time, and, am I using my time wisely, or what can I do before my life comes to an end, or, there isn’t much time left, or, what can I do with the time I have left? Even though I don’t know when I am going to die, every day I feel like – if I had to be judged today, by Jesus…if I died today, would I be invited to heaven? It’s this salvation mentality. It’s not something that I am intentional about. It’s just there. I don’t know why I think like this. Each new day makes me really focus on my salvation and what I am doing about it – am I doing enough, serving enough, boldly preaching enough, honoring enough, praising enough, praying enough? I don’t know.
And honestly, most days, I feel like I don’t deserve heaven. Not if I died today.
Even though I am in love with Jesus above all my other relationships, I feel so far short of deserving an eternity with him. I feel like the more I know him, the cleaner I become, and the more powerful I become; but at the same time, my old sins, my hidden sins, my evident unbelief, my existing sins, my future sins – they are all under a light brighter than ever. It’s like stadium lights on a petri dish. I feel like all my muck – past, present and future- is naked, exposed and, well, just so out there. And I feel like I have such a huge mess to clean up before that last day. I feel like I have mountains of forgiveness to beg for before that last day.
I feel like it is urgent for me to really pinpoint the size and scope of my personal chasm of unbelief (cause we all have it – no matter how saved we Christians think we are – we all have a certain degree of unbelief), and finally, I feel like I only have a short time to really make a spiritual difference in the lives of my future generations…to lock it in that from me on out, we are fall-face-down-followers-of-Christ.
Then on top of all this chaos of feeling unworthy and knowing it’s true, I doubly feel like that my deep conviction for Christ’s love – that I am so in love – I feel completely out of place in the real world. Only when I am reading the Bible or certain writings from biblical scholars do I feel like I am in my own skin.
I don’t know if any of you reading this can understand what I am talking about. But I think if you are pursuing a life with Christ, you may someday resonate with this awkwardness, urgency, unworthy, yet more whole than ever, feeling. Psalm 90 – written by Moses – was truly what assuaged this feeling today.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Ughh! Fundraisers!
Ughh!
I just sponsored my niece in a ‘swim for cancer’ event. I hate that I did it but at the same time, I feel like I should support my niece in any of her attempts to do something noble, join a cause, be an activist. She's demonstrative, all about actions speaking louder than words. You know how you should never say ‘no’ to a kid who is selling something because you want to encourage and foster their industrious spirit? My feelings on that side of the fence kind of out-weigh my disdain for supporting the ‘cancer machine’… a machine that seems to support the creat-ED rather than the creat-OR. If it were anyone else and not my niece, maybe someone older like my age, I am sure I would have sent them a lecture rather than money.
My lecture would be all about how life is too short to ‘raise awareness’ about the created thorns of this world – how in doing that, it is nothing short of idolatry – how statistics show that these cancer runs, walks, swims and other various fundraisers actually do nothing to help ‘the fight against cancer’ – but they themselves are simply a self-sustaining cottage industry that only serve to sooth and inflate those who participate.
I wish for every dollar I spend that the sponsored in return would pray 1 prayer asking for forgiveness on (behalf of mankind for causing this humongous sin-generated thing called cancer), and wisdom (on discerning God’s will for victims of cancer). I pray that they would actually spend our money and their time caring for victims of cancer, face-to-face, and not act like victims themselves….because the money raised does not go anywhere near the pot that is used for finding cures. I believe God sees these fundraisers and the people who participate, running around like little ants, and perhaps wonders, “do they really think their effort will cure cancer?”
But who am I to assume that God himself is not at the origin of cancer fundraisers? After all, in the face of cancer we are all victimized either directly or by association. And God raises people up to care for each other, support each other, comfort each other. Through others, through our horizontal relationships, we find His great power for grace, peace, and healing. These fundraisers may be His offering for those who know victims of cancer…those who need to reach out to others for support and unity …those who need comfort and courage in a time of fear…Those who need to know God is with them.
These fundraisers may be God’s way of empowering and energizing those who are willing to fight, those who are His hands and feet of this world’s massive spiritual battles, those who need encouragement and ideas on how they, personally, can make a difference… Those who are willing to do something rather than sit at their computers and rant…like me.
Hey, you know what? Maybe it’s not so bad after all. Maybe my niece is doing the right thing, and I am an idiot. In this world, we are either part of the problem or part of the solution…there is no in between. And if my niece supports others while swimming this swim – guess what? She is part of a grand solution…even if it is not overtly calling people to focus on the goal (God), but rather forcing people to set their eyes on cancer (sin), these fundraisers provide an excuse for people, who matter to God, to be comforted and empowered against the enemy. And that makes me super proud of her and super embarrassed to be me - who sits here merely thinking about it.
Thank you Jesus for people like my niece.