Diaries of a Christian Wife

Patricia In Hollywood, Circa 1980

2012-01-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

supple veins of smoke caress the still balmy air

sinuous ascension

meandering then resting

on a plane of hazy warm

where spans of light through venetian illumes

the prism of serpentinal gloom

a blow from her lips bursts through the silky veins

a turbulent tumor

disrupting the peaceful plane

perpetual the eruption

cloud of consuming destruction

whirls in wild silence overhead

while her fingers flick ashes

from the end of coal red

now ideas intertwine

through the sinews of her mind

in deep thought

she reflects.

watching the milky cloud

drawing deep another sigh of smoke

in calm anticipation

reposing

for the next invasion

It's Okay to Say It...Even in Public!!!

2011-11-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's ok to talk about trusting God in schools and public places in the US because it's our national motto, "In God We Trust".

It was first used in 1864, and later signed into law as our national motto in 1956. This is an issue that Andy Stanley has been beating a drum about for over a year now. We, as a country, Christian's and Non, need to acknowledge the Christian principals that are our foundation in government.

Embarrassing to Obama who thought our national motto was, "From Many One". It's ok, we are a forgiving bunch. After all, he's only our president, who, incidentally, specialized in Constitutional Law. How could he possibly know that the authors of the constitution built our country's principals on trusting in our God? Read the full article.

The Bible

2011-10-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

66 Books
40 different authors from several different countries, speaking different languages.
Written over a 1500 year span.
All prophecies exact.
All books point to Jesus.

Transsexuals: Getting Back to Straight

2011-09-28T19:47:00.001-07:00

OK, pardon me for my ignorance, but isn't a transsexual person - who takes 'corrective action' simply an intentionally constructed straight person? I mean, sure they may have more on their minds emotionally with identity crisis' and such, but logistically, aren't they just plain old straight people?

For example, if I were a male person trapped in a female body - I would probably be gay because I would therefore be attracted to females, right? But if I got my 'sex reassignment surgery' then I would become a male trapped in a male body, and thus...or, in other words I would then be STRAIGHT.

So like, with all this commotion about Chaz Bono right now because he is on the dancing show - he's getting all kinds of grief and press because he is being looked at like a social anomaly when,in fact, he is simply someone who took action to align with the gender he thought he was supposed to be. So now he's, well, a boring, overweight, middle-aged, STRAIGHT white guy. Right?

So, why all the attention? There are millions of boring-overweight-straight-white-guys. Why can't we give them a standing O????

Thank You for Quoting Martin Luther King Jr., Friend

2011-09-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

It must be popular to put inspirational quotes in the signature of emails these days. I notice a lot of people who send me mail have some sort of quote under their name...like it adds to their personality...or personalizes the email...like somehow the person they are quoting is an extension of them or vice-versa.

In particular, Martin Luther King Jr. is quoted a lot. In fact, a lot of my Non-Christian, Pluralist, Universalist, and 'the-power-of-the-universe-is-in-you' friends include MLK quotes under their names in their email signature.

Do they know who they are quoting?

My friends who would rather, say, have their fingernails pulled out than acknowledge that there is one God, Jesus, let alone talk about him? Do they know MLK is one of the, if not THE, most influential Christian's of modern history? I wonder if they know the wisdom MLK dispensed in his life was an iteration of the teaching of the God he LOVED and FOLLOWED ardently: Jesus. And so do they know with clarity and intention that by propagating the narrative of MLK, they are, in fact and by proxy, dispensers of Christ's teachings.

So friends, here's an MLK quote for your email signature...you know, when you are ready to admit who you are REALLY & TRULY inspired by:

"Oh God, help us in our lives and in all of our attitudes, to work out this controlling force of love, this controlling power that can solve every problem that we confront in all areas. Oh, we talk about politics; we talk about the problems facing our atomic civilization. Grant that all men will come together and discover that as we solve the crisis and solve these problems—the international problems, the problems of atomic energy, the problems of nuclear energy, and yes, even the race problem—let us join together in a great fellowship of love and bow down at the feet of Jesus. Give us this strong determination. In the name and spirit of this Christ, we pray. Amen." Dr. (of Theology) Martin Luther King Jr.

We All Start With Vegetables

2011-09-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

There's something about when we all start eating food for the first time: we get started with vegetables.

Modern, average men might not be privy to this common knowledge unless they are the exception - but when it's time, at around the six month mark, we moms know. We begin to feed our kids 'real' food. This means, the baby is at an age where they need more than formula, more than milk, and more than creamed cereal. They are ready for, well, FOOD and nourishment to help them grow and develop more. It's a milestone that every mom marks in her book of memories, and tells all the relatives in her holiday letters and at the mommy and me groups. It's a big deal.

And the reason we begin with vegetables, or at least the way it was explained to me, is that we want our kids to get a taste for veggies before they taste the sweet of fruits and therefore - never want vegetables. So we moms earnestly begin our babies with pureed carrots, spinach, broccoli, or green beans; right? I did it. All the moms I know started with vegetables first. It's something that has been done through the ages by all cultures as far as I know.

Now, think about the way we - the human race - begin to feed our kids....about the way we ourselves began our life of eating, and consider this comment by Paul. Especially consider it if you call yourself a Christian...and even more especially consider it if you actually ARE a follower of Christ:

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgement on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him."

Isn't it true that when we turn certain corners of our growth in faith that some of the stuff we learn is hard to swallow? Some of the stuff Jesus teaches - it's hard to accept, isn't it...Just like vegetables. But it's a big deal. We 'religious' people may be down here judging what's lacking in someone's faith (according to our snooty standards), but you know what? I bet Jesus is up there celebrating the milestone.

Unpacking The Lord's Prayer - Unlocking Our Path

2011-07-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

There's a relationship between the Lord's Prayer, the Bible chapters: Exodus through Deuteronomy, and one's own personal journey of faith. If you understand a personal journey of faith to be a cleansing of your heart with the exaltation of God as the goal, then you will see how the OT through Deuteronomy serves as an analogous macrocosm as well as a "how to" text in the process of going through a personal cleansing and purification of the heart.

Notice how the petitions of The Lord's Prayer not only summarize this cleansing process of one's walk of faith, but it also displays the steps of faith laid out in Exodus, Deuteronomy and Leviticus in a reverse and graduated order - so that where we start the prayer is actually the accumulation of everything that follows, the goal and purpose by which we live, our ultimate desire for eternity. There's a lot to unpack here. But check it out:

The beginning of the Lord's Prayer (Hallowed Be Thy Name) is a petition, not a salutation. It can be read as what all living things aspire to and what the human race will (hopefully) do at their end...it's the prize, the goal, the culmination. Yet, this is where Christ has us begin....starting with our eyes on the prize.

So take that prayer from the end and work towards the beginning, and it seems that the end of the prayer is the beginning of a person's walk of faith: the point at which they turn to God to the point at which they hallow His name.

Here are the petitions backwards:

1 Deliver us from the evil one

2 Lead us not into temptation

3 Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

4. Give us this day our daily bread.

5. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

6. Thy kingdom come.

7. Hallowed be thy Name.

But Jesus teaches this prayer in the reverse order - starting with the culmination:

1 Hallowed be thy name

2 Thy kingdom come

3 Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven

4 Give us this day our daily bread

5 And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us

6 Lead us not into temptation

7 But deliver us from the evil one.

Personal journey of faith:

1. When we are in a painful place done we often find ourselves saying something like, "oh, God, please get me out of this." Isn't that a turning point for a lot of people? Deliver Us From the Evil One is a call to get God's help. It's the cry of the people that started the whole exodus...so Exodus is a great story for seeing this action on a grand scale.

2. And once we decide to trust God and hopefully give ourselves to Christ, temptation become weaker. It's weird but true. We begin to be able to over come our obstacles (often failing to recognize that God is doing the work in us). The Bible offers many tools and examples of how to strengthen oneself against personal temptations. Clearly exemplified in Exodus and Leviticus.

3. Forgive others. Even secular counselors advise this as a cathartic part of the healing process. Examples shown by Jesus...through the Gospel, but for sure during his murder.

4. We ask forgive us. Humbling oneself to God. Examples all over the Bible, but one I am touched by is the woman washing Jesus' feet with her hair and tears.

5.Feed us each day what we need (to give us strength to do all these previous things). Examples in Numbers, Deuteronomy, and the Gospel.

6. Doing 1-5 is, in fact, doing God's will on earth as it is done in heaven.

7. Finally our prize eternally as well as the result of all this (this which takes a life time for most - especially me) - our goal, prize, our final expression and all that God wants is for mankind to Hallow His Name. Make it Holy. Treasure it above all things. It is our final and ultimate joy.

No Go on a Paying Job

2011-02-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

I haven't heard from my homeless brother yet. Either he is dead, banned from the library, arrested, or walking...or he doesn't want to take me up on the writing offer. It's probably the latter, I'm afraid. This is what happens with the typical homeless person. I'm not being mean - I'm just telling you like it is in general. My brother is incapable of being accountable. Part of me knows that the thought of him writing in order to earn money is a thought too unbearable to him. It would make him feel beholden to someone's rule. It's the same with his meds. That's why he goes off his meds. He doesn't want to 'be controlled' by it. Even though it produces acceptable...even admirable behavior, he won't do it in the name of being 'free'. When, in fact, he does not know that he is enslaved to his demons - laziness and apathy. His schizophrenia and bipolar conditions are huge gateways for these demons to feast and control him - and they do - but he feels free. Go figure. The thought of him having to produce something in order to receive money from me - his little sister, is too daunting and suspect. He will never do it. But I had to try. I want to know about his life!

2011-01-31T09:07:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling with the thought of sending and/or wiring money to my homeless brother. I know I have urged all of you to do it - to face the challenge of non-judgemental giving by sending my brother money via Western Union as he has asked. But I am caught in the tangle of wanting to give blindly - biblically - as we are called to do by Jesus - [sic] 'give in a way that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing'.

I want to do that, and yet, I feel like Christ is not actually calling us to give blindly, but more so in secret - so as not to make a display of giving.

Which leaves me at the question: Do I give him money knowing it is just going to be wasted? Cause it will be wasted. And, is that act just enabling his weak heart to continue a life of homelessness? And if so, so what? Maybe that's just his life and I am being called to support it. My job should be to help someone in need.

Which brought me to this: I have offered my brother $10 per page if he continues to write in his blog about his life and experiences. I figure, this will be like a 'job ' for him in that he is earning his money...but he is still able to do what he loves - write to his family, and remain free on the streets.

What do you think? He has not yet taken me up on it. But this should be easy money for him, don't you think?

2011-01-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

I have contacted the Yreka newspaper, and 2 Christian churches in Yreka, CA with the hopes that somebody will go find Frank and give him some food or money. We like to say we have a heart for the homeless, but do we really? Will we really try to help out a homeless person being presented to us on a platter? Or do we still like the safety on not knowing them personally, seeing them sitting on the side of the road with a sign? Is it going too outside of one's comfort zone to be presented with a homeless person electronically? If you can read this - you are being presented with the opportunity to help someone...will you? Check out Frank, 52, in Yreka, CA :

realhomelessguy.blogspot.com

My Homeless Brother's Blog

2011-01-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have started a blog for my homeless brother.

Because he uses the computer at the public library - in whatever town he goes to, I thought it would help him to reach out on a blog in order to get connection to people (1) and give us some insight about the homeless from a real homeless person (2). No undercover phonies who want to write about the homeless.

My brother has been suffering from schizophrenia for many decades and has been homeless (by choice) for most. He has no communication or relationships within his own family. I don't know how he got my email. But I started receiving regular emails from him about 2 months ago.

I want to help - but if any of you have dealt with mental illness in your family - you know how futile that becomes.

I am hoping somebody out there will send him money, or start to email him - he needs shelter, yes. But he mostly needs friendships - his life is a lonely life and love can do wonders.

Please email him - or better yet, go to his blog and leave him comments or email him directly...or even wire him some money. This is the real deal.

http://realhomelessguy.blogspot.com/

My Homeless Brother

2010-12-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

My homeless brother has been emailing lately. He uses the public library computer bank to stay in touch. I am trying to encourage him to start a blog. What do you think of that? Would you be interested in reading a daily glimpse of homeless life, written by a real homeless person - not someone who goes undercover as homeless as in Over the Underpass?

The Most Amazing Jewish Holy Day Ever: Christmas!

2010-12-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we celebrate God keeping His promise to Adam...we celebrate the fulfillment of THE ancient Jewish prophecy being fulfilled: a messaiah returning. Tonight we celebrate that moment when God entered man. The appointed time: perfect. The Christ is born!

Give Me A Revelation -Show Me What To Do

2010-12-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

How many of us have asked this in prayer? I ask it all the time. "Oh, God, oh sovereign Lord, give me wisdom and revelation...to know your will in my life..." or "so that I can know you better"...or "so I can do your will in my life." Sound familiar? Do you pray this too?

I ask with the anticipation of something wonderful and awesome being revealed to me regarding God's plan for my life. And, remarkably, I always assume that God's will for my life is going to be something that I will absolutely love.

Well, the other day I got a glimpse of what I look like through God's eyes, and...it wasn't good. It was sad and pathetic. I got such a huge vision of how I fall short of anything great. I got a view of how unproductive I am...eternally...Of how ineffective I am...spiritually...

Who I really am in God's eyes is not pretty. I have a lot of work and repentance to do before I can even think about doing anything productive for the kingdom.

It was a good too see, but hard to accept.

Get it Straight or Get Out - No Fakes Wanted - Go to Some Other Religion

2010-12-21T08:05:00.000-08:00

Married men who call yourselves Christians: are you really? If you had to come down into a category of faith, where do you land? Do you sit under a blanket of Christianity because it is how you were raised? If you are living under a blanket of Christianity - do you walk the talk? Do you even know what the 'talk' or 'walk' is? Or are you just another one of those people who call themselves 'Christian' then proceed to live the way you want?

And do you wonder why you're not content? Why your family seems so distant? But why aren't you yourself happy? Answer the following questions and see how you rate:

1. Do you try your best to love the triune God (God + Jesus + Holy Spirit) more than you love your wife?

2. Do you try to hold your relationship with your wife - as flawed as she is - above all other relationships in your life EXCEPT for your relationship with God?

3. Would you die for your wife, really die for her, even if she is 'wrong'?

4. Do you try to ignore your phone if you are alone with your wife?

5. Do you try to respect ALL your wife's wishes?

6. Do you try to encourage your wife to focus on Jesus, God, or praying, in your advice-giving?

7. Do you try to lead your family in prayer (not just at the dinner table)?

8. If you only have time to either A watch a football game, or B rake leaves with your 4 year old, do you choose the rake knowing that it's a father moment?

9. Do you intentionally put aside time consistently to spend with just God?

10. Do you intentionally put aside time consistently to spend just with your wife?

If you answered ANY of these questions with the word "no" - you are not a Christian. Get out and go find another religion to call yourself cause you are only a frustrating joke for the real men who actually are intentional Christ followers.

LISTEN UP: As a Christian husband your priorities are: God, Wife, You, Kids, then every relationship follows these. That means, if you answer your phone while your wife is talking - your priorities are out of whack. If you are not actively seeking a relationship with God and also encouraging your wife and kids towards Christ, you're not really a Christian. (If you happen to be a man who lives in a family where your wife and kids are actually faithful believers who actually pursue a relationship with Christ, guess what? You ARE doing something right. It is YOUR job to lead your wife and kids to Christ - good work.)

If you are cultivating relationships that are not Christ-honoring, wife-honoring, kid-honoring, and self-respectful, you are not really a Christian. You are - a FAKE.

If you answered any of these questions, "yes", you are indeed a Christian leading your family as a reflection of the church (which is what you are called to do). Well done and THANK YOU. This world needs more men like you!

Apply Jesus. It Works.

2010-12-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

The other day my son's class had a movie party. His best friend brought M&M's and passed out a bag to each student right before the movie started....well, he passed them out to everyone EXCEPT my son. So when he asked for his bag (which no one else had to do) his friend said, "I already gave you one." With all the other kids watching my son insisted that he didn't get one, but the friend - even though he had one extra bag - would not give it to my son. To make matters worse, no other kids in the class offered or shared their candies. My son was crushed and broke down in tears later in the car.

It wasn't so much the candy. It was that a best friend treated him so badly in front of everyone, and that no one came to his side. That really hurt. And kids are way more sensitive than we give them credit for. We adults always think that kids forget about tough situations quickly, but this event, I could tell, was leaving an indelible mark on my kid.

He immediately began scheming ways to 'get back' at his friend, thinking of all kinds of mean things he could do the next day so that his friend could go through the same humiliation.

With my stomach in knots that my kid was mistreated, and with all my will to do otherwise, I reminded him that we as Christians need to do what Jesus prescribes for such mean people. Even though it's harder than retaliation and doesn't hold the same allure, to do something nice for the person who persecutes us is what Jesus recommends we do. And we need to give it a try because Jesus knows our hearts more than we do...and if my son were to do something nice for the mean best friend, he would feel better inside than if he did something mean to retaliate. I told him that if he just got revenge that he would feel really good for a short time, but that he would damage the friendship for a long time, and that would make him feel worse in the long run. I urged him to rise above what happened knowing that friendships are worth more than this one event, and I urged him to do something nice for his friend the very next day. However, I also told him that whatever he did, I would support his decision, but that I knew he would do the right thing.

The next day my son brought candy canes to the class party - one for each student. He passed out one candy cane to every student saving the last for the mean best friend. After every one got a candy cane my son walked to his friend's desk, boldly held out the sour punch candy cane and said, "this is for you."

Later that night I told him how proud I was that he chose Jesus' teaching over his own desire for revenge. He said, "you know, my stomach actually feels better than if I didn't give him a candy cane."

Put a Face on The Homeless

2010-12-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

My oldest brother is homeless. Here's his email from yesterday:

"Please note my new email address in your list.

I will be sleeping on the steps of St. Joseph's Cathedral Basilica for the rest of the month. I have checked out a Catholic Study Bible from the library for my leisure time. I have 2 blankets. I will be fine.

Happy Holidays,"

Are Your Church Leaders Followers?

2010-12-09T14:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes the most ardent followers of Christ - true believers- become church leaders. And sometimes those followers of Christ, in their position of church leaders, somehow become evaluators ...of others....judges. Why? Has a leader in your local church become an evaluator?

MARRIED CHRISTIANS ONLY

2010-12-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

Married Christians Only.

First things first: The church is Christ's bride. Meaning, we are, as a people, married to Christ, and He is our head, and we are His body. Whether we are following Christ in the way he wants us to follow, whether we are supporting each other and therefore supporting the direction of the Head, whether we are collectively in good spiritual shape or not...we are Christ's bride. The only question is this: are we a good wife, bad wife, supportive wife, bitchy wife, condescending wife, bossy wife, loving wife, or what KIND of wife are we? Looking around America in the local Christian church, I would say we the people are a disinterested, whining, complaining, lazy, high-maintenance, but well-intentioned wife.

The big question of the day (in church) is: How do we change/reform/transform the heart of the church to be a better body to this wonderful Head? Basically, that is the question. Right?

May I propose we look at our individual marriages as a starting point? For, how can we individually support the church marriage to Christ if our own earthly marriages are not in line with the same priorities laid out for the heavenly, collective marriage to Christ?

The husband is the head. He just is. His job as the head is to be the spiritual leader. His role is to love God/Christ/Spirit first, then his wife, then his children. If these three things are not prioritized as such - your personal church is out of whack, and you are contributing to the larger church being out of whack - dysfunctional. For example if you give up time with your wife in prayer so that you can work on a hobby, computer, watch the TV, etc. , your marriage will contain discontent. The husband's job in relation to his wife is to lead her to Christ. In relation to his children, his job is to lead them to Christ and mentor them spiritually. If these two actions take a minor role in your household, your personal church is out of whack and you are contributing to Christ's body being out of whack.

The wife is the body of the marriage. Yes, she is submissive BUT submissive in this specific transactional way: when the husband is leading her to Christ, she is to submit in the action of being lead to Christ. And likewise, if the husband is partaking in an action that is NOT leading his wife to Christ, the wife's job is to re-orient the husband to Christ. When these two things are happening progressively and in tandem, the marriage is partaking in honoring the way in which Christ designed His church. This complicated yet beautiful relationship is all spelled out in Ephesians. And you can read about it in This Momentary Marriage, By John Piper.

So, husbands, if you believe that bossing your wife around is your right because she is 'supposed to-be-submissive-because-the-Bible-says-so' you are wrong...not only are you wrong, but you are idolizing yourself over your wife - -which takes the marriage out of whack and makes it dysfunctional. Husbands: only when you are leading your wife to Christ is she called to submit - that means, leading in prayer, initiating the process of going to worship, worshiping, giving thanks to God, praising His blessings in your life. When you step up spiritually, guess what? Your wife will support you, submit, back off, be encouraging, be loving...be all those things you complain you don't have. I bet there are NO divorce petitions that complain the wife was too helpful while being lead to Christ, you know? And when you don't understand the importance of going to worship, you know, when you feel like you are separate from the church, like you can take it or leave it - - guess what? You are still the church. The mentality of thinking that the church is irrelevant is like an eye saying the hand is irrelevant - - or better yet, that sentimentality is the rebellious kid who refuses family - YOU ARE STILL A PART OF IT. The only question is are you good at your job/role or bad?

And wives, are you running around church all the time, giving all your time to ministry and wondering why your husband doesn't 'catch up' with you spiritually? Are you wondering why he's not 'saved'? Trust me, if you put anything or anyone or any ministry or any worship, or any relationship in a higher priority than your personal mission of being a help to your husband, then, guess what? Your marriage is out of whack according to your calling. Your number 1 priority is the spiritual well-being of your husband and your job is to encourage and help him to get and remain oriented on Christ. It just is. So any time you find yourself wondering why he doesn't go to church with you, or why he doesn't pray with you, ask yourself: when is the last time you tried to help him? Your church is your marriage. Do not mistake going to a building called church with your real and personal church. Get your marriage in order, Ephesians order. That's the first church of Christ. I am the most guilty of putting my desire to worship before my calling to be a help to my husband. That's idolatry.

And last of all, Pastors. What's your marriage like? Do you actively, intentionally, practice leading your wife to Christ? Do you put the relationship with her above all others? Above your relationship with all your ministries, the church board, the deacons? Are you leading your children in prayer? Do you miss evenings at home because you are out doing hospital visits? Do you invite all kinds of people to your home all the time? All these things are good, don't get me wrong, but...if they take precedent over your wife - you are running a dysfunctional marriage and therefore a dysfunctional church. Look around you. Chances are your church attracts families or people who have the same dysfunction as you in your marriage. All this stuff ties together. So many pastors are who are NOT ready to pastor a church find themselves in charge of a congregation, then years later wonder why their leaders are so prideful, etc. Or wonder why there is so much divorce in the congregation, or wonder why they don't appear to function in a caring way as the body of Christ. Pastors, when you are first starting out - please get your marriage right before taking on a congregation.

Awesome is Good!

2010-12-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

Why do some of us Christians protect the word, "awesome" so much? I hear pastors making a big deal out of the fact that they don't use 'awesome' because, they say, "only Jesus is AWESOME". Then, of course there was that church lady, D.K., who chased me around the office one day Bible in hand and finger in Bible, telling me I was abusing the name of the Father by saying something was awesome.

Anyway because it's in the Bible - third party- that God is awesome and that Jesus is awesome we Christian's should respect that, and only use the term when referring to God or Jesus...not things of this earth. And actually, I kind of dig this kind of reverent respect, and try to honor it. And weirdly enough, I respect the part of D.K. that felt the need to stand up for God in a perceived threat situation.

But what about the word 'good'? I notice Christians who protect the word 'awesome' have no problem using the word 'good' when Jesus himself flat out says, "Why do you call me good? Only the Father in heaven is good."

So, what's up? We use good ALL the time. No worries. Isn't this kind of inconsistent practice?

Oh well, yes, I AM talking about us Christians, after all.

xxoo

Heart for the Hurting Hits Barrier of Entry

2010-11-29T12:25:00.000-08:00

My pastor gave a sermon where one of his key lines was, "We need to have a heart for the hurting." And as he said these very words, I noticed a woman in front of me with her husband. She was sobbing into a damp ball of tissue while he held her steadily around the shoulder.

I leaned forward to give her a pat on the back...a kind of non-verbal, "It'll be ok." But just as I reached my hand out she got up and quietly left the sanctuary. I couldn't help it. I had to follow her. Even though she was a stranger, I felt like when you are crying and upset, you still like some kind of friendly comfort.

I found her in the foyer by the coffee and I said, "Are you gonna be okay?"

She said, "Yes, I'm just going to sit in the car for a while till I can pull it together."

I said, "You know, it's okay to cry here, it happens all the time."

"No. No, I'll just sit in my car." She said. And off she went to the parking lot.

After the service I found out that her name was Mary, and it was sealed to my heart that I would pray for her to look for strength in Jesus. Sometimes things don't get better, but if you look to Jesus for strength, he WILL help you through it.

On my way out of the sanctuary I saw the guy who heads up the prayer team. So I asked him if he could pray for a hurting person named, Mary. He asked, "Did you write the request down on a connection card?" I was like, "well, no." He said, "If it's not on a card, I won't remember it." (like Mary is a real tough name for Christians to remember). I felt a big wall go up. I just replied truthfully, "well, I will remember, and I will pray for her."

Now tell me, am I crazy? I just felt like telling the guy (who is actually a great friend and brother in Christ), it's not rocket science....you know of pain...you say a prayer. I mean it gets etched on your heart. You don't forget it. - why do you need paper records? And if you need paper records, why not, since you are in the position of being the head prayer person, why not take up the gauntlet and gather the information and be done with it? Why not just say, "thanks, I will make sure we pray for so-n-so" then write a little note to yourself, or on your hand, or carry the connection cards with you?

I just cannot imagine a gathering with Paul where hurting followers of Christ are all together and Timothy saying, "well, if you don't have the scribe write down the request, we won't remember to pray for them." It just seems like in a place of worship, Christian suffering is what we tend to: we are a body come back in from the streets for nourishment, strength, teaching, care and healing. We are one body. How can he say, well hand, if you don't send me a memo about the eye, I won't remember to fix it." It's ridiculous.

Why make a person who is reaching out and trying to live the faith in the way the pastor just lectured on - -why make them do the leg work? Dotting I's and crossing T's? It smacks of bureaucracy and that is not Christ's church. That's what Christ battled.

The way this guy sorts information - I grieve - is seed for creating monolithic barriers of entry at my place of worship....and I can't call it a Christian church because at the root of it - of all this bullsh-t ...at the root we will find idolatry of some sort, and people following Christ are in a constant intentional act of purging idols. The way in which this prayer person is conducting himself reveals his clinging to some idol rather than to the God who has called him to this ministry. What it is I don't know. But it's so subtle. If I bring all this up, I will be tagged as a complainer. So here I sit quiet about it. Makes my stomach hurt.

Church Leaders Who Dance with Idolatry

2010-11-14T16:22:00.000-08:00

Pastors, deacons, church board members, small group leaders, ministry leaders, prayer team, church directors, Sunday school teachers, youth group leaders. Signs that we are dancing with idolatry:

Prizing theology over God.
Loving 'doing' theology rather than loving God.
Love loving God more than loving God.
Love thinking about God more than you love God.
Love arguing for God more than you love God.
Love defending God more than you love God.
Love writing about God more than you love God.
Love preaching more than you love God.
Love evangelizing more than you love God
Loving the system more than you love God.

Try to stay on the God of the Bible rather than the God of our imagination.

Unbelief and Idolatry

2010-11-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

The relationship between our amount of unbelief (in Jesus) and our degree of idolatry is such that one indicates the other.

It just seems like the more we do not believe is a measure of our idolatry and vice versa: the amount we idolize things more than we idolize Jesus is a measure of our unbelief. And / or, the depth of our desire to not let go of an idol is an exact measurement of our amount of unbelief.

And EVERYONE is an idolater to a certain degree. Pastors, priests, ministry workers, small group leaders, the pope, the head of the ELCA, you name it - no one is exempt from idolatry, even if it is in small degrees, we all have it.

And the amount of idolatry we have is directly related to our amount of unbelief: and we all have THAT, too. I never really understood this relationship until reading the story in the New Testament about the man who asked for help with his unbelief. He says, "I believe! Help me with my unbelief!"

I infer two things from this simple passage: one, that belief is not all or nothing, not like being pregnant or not pregnant, not a state of complete; and two, that belief and unbelief coexist on the same spectrum. The more you believe, the less unbelief you have and vice-versa.

So many more stories in the NT become clear if you perceive that belief and unbelief are an inseparable pair. Like the guy who explains his lifetime of devotion and learning then asks Jesus what he must do to follow him. And Jesus responds something like, "go home, give away everything you own, then you can follow me." Translation: "get rid of your last idol, your most stubborn idol, then you will be at 100% belief, which is a state of following me." It is not so much about money as it is about an idol more important to this man than Jesus.

Once this Christian scholar, teacher, speaker (whose name I can't remember) visited Mother Theresa and when he first met her, he was overwhelmed.

She asked, "What can I do for you?"

And he responded, "Will you pray for me?"

To which she asked, "What would you like me to pray for?"

He said, "Clarity."

She said, "Then I shall pray for trust, for when you trust in the Lord, your desire for clarity will be removed."

Do you see how she honed in on his amount of unbelief? He was making his clarity - understanding - insight more important than his belief in that moment. Clarity was his idol. His level of desire to cling to it matched his amount of unbelief.

Having idols is a sign of unbelief. How strongly we cling to our idols indicates the measure of our unbelief.

I once worked with someone who kept referring to the church as, "my church", as in, "You are not going to change MY church!" That's idolatry. She loves the church more than she loves the head of it.

If you love your ministry more than you love bringing glory to Jesus with your ministry: that's idolatry.

If you love your pastor more than you love your God. People who leave a church when the pastor retires or leaves: that's idolatry.

In ministry, wanting to work only with people who are your friends: that's idolatry.

Love the music more than you love the worship? That's idolatry.

Get in arguments over your ministry budget? That's idolatry. Loving your ministry more than Jesus.

Pick your church because you like the building? That's idolatry.

People who are always obsessing with how to make the church grow? That's idolatry. The church will grow when Jesus is glorified by your worship of him, your honor of him.

Only like going to church if all the conditions are right? That's idolatry...of yourself. You are placing your needs before Jesus' honor.

Have to have your table out in front of the church? That's idolatry. Jesus is at the center and forefront of worship - not ministry tables.

Allow the rules of church - the liturgy - the doctrine - dictate how you treat others. That's idolatry.

The list goes on and on...work, home, personal relationships. It's not just church leaders who are idolaters.

The Violence of Tolerance

2010-10-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

As a society, why do we teach so much tolerance to our children - in schools, on educational TV cartoons and shows, in children's books, etc.? Do you like it when someone merely 'tolerates' you? I don't. Do you know what it feels like when someone merely 'tolerates' you? I do. It sucks. People get stiff, don't make eye contact, for sure don't smile, glance around at others nearby for nonverbal affirmation that they are doing it right - allowing you in their space, yet alienating you all at once; they speak at you, not with you, short answers, no questions.

I think the act of tolerance is abusive at best. I think it edifies the markers of difference because in a frame of tolerance - neither party is willing to cross the lines of difference. They only approach them then pull away.

Why not teach our kids how to reach out, ask people questions, make eye contact, offer a smile, a hand, a conversation. Why not acknowledge the lines of difference and cross them in order to help an outsider come in. They don't have to come into your realm of identity - but why not invite them?...You know, rather than merely tolerate?

More and more in public schools students are called to tolerate and accept differences like racial, gender, and behavioral lines of difference. You know, we are all called to accept the ADHD student, students of different color, and students who have same sex parents, or who are gay themselves. Students are taught the mantra "nobody's difference is better or worse so we will allow them to coexist, live parallel with us." But being tolerant and accepting are PASSIVE and inward. Tolerance maintains constructs of difference in its passivity.

Students are NOT taught to be outgoing, to reach out, make conversation, find someone who needs a smile, smile at someone, ask them questions. Why not? Isn't the outcome of actively loving someone, actively caring for someone, actively showing interest in someone, isn't the desired outcome better? Wouldn't it be something amazing if public schools were to teach an active form of loving difference...not just merely tolerating it?

Hmm...love your neighbor as yourself. I wonder where I have heard that before? NOT IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS, UNFORTUNATELY!

Too Small A Thing

2010-10-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am doing a prayerful fast today. It just came to me this morning that I have done one for a while and it was starting to feel like a disconnect was happening on some internal level. And that was that. That is all that was needed. I do not want a disconnect on any level with Jesus and the mysterious way learning comes about through prayer, fast and worship. So, I prayed for His guidance and wisdom in my day of being immersed in his word, that with every pang of hunger that he would fill me with his word and that I would learn and be filled.

At my first pang of hunger I grabbed my prayer pad (a little note pad where I keep my daily prayers, any scripture passages that resonate, and any notes on connections made that interface scripture with life). It’s always with me. I opened it. The first thing I wrote in my note pad a long time ago was, “Isaiah 49 my passage of revelation”. I never wrote out the passage because it was too long, but it is a passage that was one of the first and only passages that was a turning point for me – a mile stone – a marker - a river – a Jordan.

After I read this passage some 6 or 7 years ago, my life was never the same. And I could go on and on about what happened that day when I read it, etc. But that’s not the point of this writing. The point of this writing is to note that today was the first time I saw myself in the narrative. I saw the entire passage as a map of me, and I saw where I jumped off, where I quit it…where I left the narrative when life got too hard, and how I stopped short of the blessing to come – and how I could use the passage again as a map and stay on it understanding that God has my back and the goal of doing hard things is God - -

Within the passage it says in first person (like it’s me talking): “I have labored to no purpose. I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.” As a mom, as a primary caregiver for my family, I can’t tell you how many times I feel like, “What am I doing this for?” Everything I do seems so under-appreciated and taken for granted. I often feel like escaping back in a traditional working career where ‘real’ thinking and ‘real’ contribution take place, and not be removed from society in this little bubble, working from a bedroom-converted-to-office in between my ‘chores’ as a mother, wife and friend. You know? Serving everyone in this house all the time, and getting no thanks, can really suck.

What’s more, this part of the passage is what made all my work at that church (anonymous for you readers) feel like it was for naught. After all, I didn’t make any real headway towards changing their “island / silo” habits. They all remained islands. My influence did not seem to make a difference in their ability to repent – and in fact, in many ways, from a distance, they still appear to be operating as islands. So what was my work there really for?

And that’s where I left the narrative. I quit when I felt like I was defeated. But I didn’t see that had I just read and meditated on the next line of this passage during my weakest point in that church, I would have realized God was in control…and He wasn’t done. I would have realized that I may have been giving up on Him.

The next line says, “Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand, and my reward is with God.” So simple. One of those lines we all skim over. But what I didn’t realize then - - that I now see - - is when we feel like our work is futile, and we get sick of it, just want to quit; I need to remember and really embrace that what I am doing is not for me. God is training me for something and I need to look to the prize – beyond my own need to feel important, accomplished, appreciated. The work is for God, not for me.

I need to have faith that at some point I will be “honored in the eyes of the Lord” when I realize fully that “my God has been my strength.”

Back 6 or 7 years ago, I didn’t see. I didn’t see the encouragement, the certainty or the prize…I just saw the islands and I let my anger blind me to the promise. I compare then with now feeling like I am in a rut: I see now that I may feel like my work was/is all for naught, like I was/am not doing anything with my life, like I was/am not contributing to anything significant, like my work was/is toil and produces nothing…but I see now that I am and was looking at self…

I was looking for work to satisfy me, to meet my ends, to attain my goal, to make me satisfied. I see now, that back then, God gave me a really hard task and I quit because I wasn’t happy; rather than realizing I was doing something for Him…He gave me a job and asked me the favor of being me in the job, and when it got too hard on me – for my own selfish desire – I left.

I see that what God has me doing right now might not feel like what I want to do – might be work that isn’t matched with what I think my talent is – might be tedious, might be too hard physically, but I see now – really see that God is not only asking me to do it, but empowering me to do it. I see now that the goal is THAT I AM DOING IT FOR GOD. THAT GOD IS THE GOAL. And He will bless me with more to do…more to take on… once he has seen that the job he has given me is too small for me. Because the passage continues by showing what happens after I fully invest my feeling of gratification ALL IN pleasing God…doing it for God…the map continues and shows that when I complete this task, God will say something like, “It is too small a thing for you. I will also make you a … (fill in the blank).”

In other words: He will pile it on as I go. He will give me more as I complete the portion I have.

To Be The Church Requires a Dismantling of Religion

2010-10-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

To be the church requires a dismantling of religion.

The early church known as The Way never intended to follow Jesus by way of erecting buildings just for them. They occupied existing buildings and primarily, homes.

The early church never intended for anyone except Jesus to be a mediator between people and God...read: there was never intended to be (dare I say it) priests or popes. Peter, John and Paul didn't want anything except the worship of Jesus.

The church of Christ is made known to each individual as their eyes are opened. It is not a result of religious edifices and rules.

In order to make the church more visible to the rest of the world, we the church will have to dismantle this idol-centered institution called 'religion' and reveal Christ-centered worship through our faith-powered deeds.

Replace 'Church' with 'Me'

2010-10-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

Okay Christian friends, here's a game-changer: next time you find yourself scoffing at some church leader being arrested for some crime, or if you see some church leader being broadcast on CNN either confessing or denying some wrong-doing to his congregation, or if you are in a conversation around the water cooler where it may be said that Christians are hypocrites, then please try this:

Replace the words 'church' and/or 'Christian' with the words 'me' or 'I'.

You can do it privately in your head, or out load and boldly...whatever you wish.

What's that? You don't think you are a hypocrite or part of a hypocrisy? You personally are a clean, washed follower of Christ, right? You don't have anything to do with the church? Your relationship with Jesus is just that: you and Jesus?

Guess what? If you are a person who believes in Jesus, it doesn't matter what you think, or if you go physically to a building on Sundays or not. If you believe in Jesus, YOU ARE the church.

If the public perception is that Christians are hypocrites and the church is irrelevant, it means YOU are a hypocrite and YOU are irrelevant. And I am right there with you.

It's going to be a long row to hoe to change the public perception about Christians and the Christian church - but it won't change without people like you and me who now find ourselves denying our identity in Christ by denying the relevance of the church. He is married to the church and would die for it. He was beaten, ridiculed, mocked, cheated, flogged, stripped, spit on, paraded, hung, pierced, and killed - for the CHURCH...for us. Don't deny the church...because it makes Jesus' work and sacrifice meaningless when you do that.

Be a part of the solution.

We all need to MAN-UP and participate in unity in order to keep it cleaned up and purged from sinfulness of leaders who idolize themselves over Christ. It won't happen without people like us who (right now) would rather not get messy. But there is no in between. If you we are not participating in the solution - we are participating in the problem.

We, in fact, are the problem with 'the church' - not the overt sinners who are actually working in the church. We, the people who sit on the outside, don't participate with OUR church, then deny it while desiring the full benefit of a relationship with Christ....WE ARE THE PROBLEM WITH CHRISTIANITY. We can't have a relationship 'on the side' outside of the church. It doesn't work like that. Jesus won't have an affair with you separate from His marriage to the church. He is married to you through the church.

We are the church. Stand up for US. Come out of the shadows. Get involved. Pull out a phone book, ask a friend for the address, but go to a Christian church of your choice...find a Christian community of believers and BE a part of it. Get involved.

Survey Says!

2010-09-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so when it comes to religion, was it really news that none of us know what we are talking about? I mean truly, there are dozens of denominations of Christianity just in my neighborhood. Am I really well-versed in all the rules and strata that make up those religions? Not to mention all the other thousands of denominations of Christianity, Judaism, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhism - they all have thousands of denominations within their respective umbrellas, don't they?

And, truly, I highly doubt the survey findings that atheists and agnostics know everything about all religions and therefore are making a more informed decision regarding their faith (of intentional lack thereof).

So what exactly did the survey ask? What did the survey assume? I believe it assumed that religion is the same as one's faith. But mostly, what I run into among believers in Christ is that religion separates people from their faith - that the rules are arbitrary and impede their ability to create a relationship with Christ. That seems to be a national narrative right now: "Relationships not religiosity". More and more believers want to distance themselves from being associated with 'the church' because it presents itself as an institution that has arbitrary rules for the sake of being rules and feeding the coffers of the people who run it.

And that's the real news. That is where this spiritual battle is being lost right now. It's being lost because true believers haven't been fully engaged in the church since it's inception. As a result, hundreds of years and layers and layers of rules and practices that seem way removed from the Bible, have built an institution that seems like a stranger to a lot of people who are in love with Christ. The real news is that we people who are in love with Christ, need to help the church purge it's centuries of sin collection and rehabilitate it with Christ's guidance. The real news is that we don't know much about denominations because they seem irrelevant to God's will because we don't and haven't stayed close and involved.

We indeed are the church. We are the religion. But the corrupt institution represents us. Instead of wither and complain, we believers need to be more courageous and active in coming to the church's defense, and yes learn more about it. The more we learn, the more we can change it.

And then, and also, the more we learn about other religions, the more we can change God's global impact and rip holes in Satan's wide net which was re-cast yesterday with the news of this survey about religious ignorance among Christians while implicitly touting the wisdom of atheists. But we can't fight a world battle for God until we rehab ourselves as one called Christ's bride. It's all of our responsibility.

Evolution of a Believing Wife's Prayer

2010-09-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

"Dear God, please FIX my husband."

"Dear God, please break by husband."

"Dear God, please transform my husband."

"Dear God, please come into my husband's life and help him see you."

"Dear God, please put another Christian man into my husband's life to FIX him."

"Dear God, please send someone into his life and change him to be the husband I want."

"Dear God, when will you send someone to fix my husband?"

Dear God, please help me see my marriage through your eyes."

"Dear God, I AM THE PERSON YOU HAVE SENT. AREN'T I?

"Dear God, please forgive me for treating you like a short-order cook. Help me to be the gift to my husband that you have designed me to be, and help him be the leader you have made him to be."

"Dear God, help me to be a living example of your love for my husband."

"Dear God, thank you for loving my husband enough to send him a woman like me."

"Dear God, thank you for my husband and our marriage."

"Dear God, thank you for your patience, love and blessings on our life together."

"Dear God, today I saw my husband through your eyes."

"Dear God, today I understood your wisdom in pairing me with my husband and see how I can be his true and perfect helper here on earth and your partner in his salvation. Thank you for loving him so much, that you would die for him."

If You Are A Married Christian, You MUST Read This

2010-09-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

If you are a married Christian (man or woman) you must read the book by John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. "Why?" You may ask. Here's why. Nowhere is there a better direct extrapolation of what a marriage is between a man and woman than in this book. It will blow you away with the truth and show you the hope.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "Oh, I left him because he was our spiritual leader, he lead us in prayer every night, read devotions with the kids, encouraged me to go to Women's ministry, was in a men's Bible Study, provided for us, and made us feel safe in tough times." ? No. I doubt it.

Have you ever heard anyone say, "Oh, I had to leave her because she was such a great support and resource for advice with out being overbearing, because she knew what I needed before I even could say it, because she was too passionate, always laughed, managed our money, and made me feel really significant."? No, I really doubt it.

Look guys, do you know how much sex you would have with your wife if she caught you initiating a devotion with your kids? Praying with HER? Asking her about her prayer life? Asking her to read the Bible to you? Telling her you want to protect her? Oy Vey! It is so easy! Leadership is not being bossy - it's being humble and being, well, the guide.

Married Christians owe it to themselves and their spouses to read the Bible (first and foremost) and then read this book for John Piper's dissertation on the parallel between marriage of a man and woman; and marriage of Christ and His church. With laser precision he looks at marriage the way God designed it, and it turns out....it's a really loving, respectful, undyingly passionate, deep and permanent relationship.

After I read it, I felt like, "Gosh, why don't more people 'get it'?" How could there be so many divorces or unhappy, unfulfilled people if they are following God's plan? The answer must be that we are NOT following God's plan, but some other world plan. The plan that brainwashes us with what society thinks of marriage collectively. Well, guess what I have found out? Most of society (especially Christians) don't actually read the Bible directly, and therefore believe what they hear...allow outside programming to determine what we think marriage ought to be and what it really is.

So look: if you want a lot of sex, want a lot of appreciation, want a lot of respect, want a lot of leadership (spiritual, emotional), want a lot of tools to take care of you, want a lot done for you...then read this book, and the Bible - side by side.

Crossed The Line

2010-09-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

Somewhere I crossed a line of looking at my life in terms of ‘what should I do today?’ to ‘I don’t have much time left!’ On the one side of the line, life is endless and I never practically or daily thought of life in terms of when it ends. Well, I knew life had an end to it, but I never thought about it. Just kind of took things as they came. Do well and be nice to others and someday way down the line somewhere, it will all be accounted for…you know when I someday meet Jesus. The end was always quite off in the blurry distance.

Maybe it’s because I’m in my forties my perspective has shifted. Now, I think about the end all the time, and, am I using my time wisely, or what can I do before my life comes to an end, or, there isn’t much time left, or, what can I do with the time I have left? Even though I don’t know when I am going to die, every day I feel like – if I had to be judged today, by Jesus…if I died today, would I be invited to heaven? It’s this salvation mentality. It’s not something that I am intentional about. It’s just there. I don’t know why I think like this. Each new day makes me really focus on my salvation and what I am doing about it – am I doing enough, serving enough, boldly preaching enough, honoring enough, praising enough, praying enough? I don’t know.

And honestly, most days, I feel like I don’t deserve heaven. Not if I died today.

Even though I am in love with Jesus above all my other relationships, I feel so far short of deserving an eternity with him. I feel like the more I know him, the cleaner I become, and the more powerful I become; but at the same time, my old sins, my hidden sins, my evident unbelief, my existing sins, my future sins – they are all under a light brighter than ever. It’s like stadium lights on a petri dish. I feel like all my muck – past, present and future- is naked, exposed and, well, just so out there. And I feel like I have such a huge mess to clean up before that last day. I feel like I have mountains of forgiveness to beg for before that last day.

I feel like it is urgent for me to really pinpoint the size and scope of my personal chasm of unbelief (cause we all have it – no matter how saved we Christians think we are – we all have a certain degree of unbelief), and finally, I feel like I only have a short time to really make a spiritual difference in the lives of my future generations…to lock it in that from me on out, we are fall-face-down-followers-of-Christ.

Then on top of all this chaos of feeling unworthy and knowing it’s true, I doubly feel like that my deep conviction for Christ’s love – that I am so in love – I feel completely out of place in the real world. Only when I am reading the Bible or certain writings from biblical scholars do I feel like I am in my own skin.

I don’t know if any of you reading this can understand what I am talking about. But I think if you are pursuing a life with Christ, you may someday resonate with this awkwardness, urgency, unworthy, yet more whole than ever, feeling. Psalm 90 – written by Moses – was truly what assuaged this feeling today.

Ughh! Fundraisers!

2010-09-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

Ughh!

I just sponsored my niece in a ‘swim for cancer’ event. I hate that I did it but at the same time, I feel like I should support my niece in any of her attempts to do something noble, join a cause, be an activist. She's demonstrative, all about actions speaking louder than words. You know how you should never say ‘no’ to a kid who is selling something because you want to encourage and foster their industrious spirit? My feelings on that side of the fence kind of out-weigh my disdain for supporting the ‘cancer machine’… a machine that seems to support the creat-ED rather than the creat-OR. If it were anyone else and not my niece, maybe someone older like my age, I am sure I would have sent them a lecture rather than money.

My lecture would be all about how life is too short to ‘raise awareness’ about the created thorns of this world – how in doing that, it is nothing short of idolatry – how statistics show that these cancer runs, walks, swims and other various fundraisers actually do nothing to help ‘the fight against cancer’ – but they themselves are simply a self-sustaining cottage industry that only serve to sooth and inflate those who participate.

I wish for every dollar I spend that the sponsored in return would pray 1 prayer asking for forgiveness on (behalf of mankind for causing this humongous sin-generated thing called cancer), and wisdom (on discerning God’s will for victims of cancer). I pray that they would actually spend our money and their time caring for victims of cancer, face-to-face, and not act like victims themselves….because the money raised does not go anywhere near the pot that is used for finding cures. I believe God sees these fundraisers and the people who participate, running around like little ants, and perhaps wonders, “do they really think their effort will cure cancer?”

But who am I to assume that God himself is not at the origin of cancer fundraisers? After all, in the face of cancer we are all victimized either directly or by association. And God raises people up to care for each other, support each other, comfort each other. Through others, through our horizontal relationships, we find His great power for grace, peace, and healing. These fundraisers may be His offering for those who know victims of cancer…those who need to reach out to others for support and unity …those who need comfort and courage in a time of fear…Those who need to know God is with them.

These fundraisers may be God’s way of empowering and energizing those who are willing to fight, those who are His hands and feet of this world’s massive spiritual battles, those who need encouragement and ideas on how they, personally, can make a difference… Those who are willing to do something rather than sit at their computers and rant…like me.

Hey, you know what? Maybe it’s not so bad after all. Maybe my niece is doing the right thing, and I am an idiot. In this world, we are either part of the problem or part of the solution…there is no in between. And if my niece supports others while swimming this swim – guess what? She is part of a grand solution…even if it is not overtly calling people to focus on the goal (God), but rather forcing people to set their eyes on cancer (sin), these fundraisers provide an excuse for people, who matter to God, to be comforted and empowered against the enemy. And that makes me super proud of her and super embarrassed to be me - who sits here merely thinking about it.

Thank you Jesus for people like my niece.

Egypt to Jordan: Just Do It!

2010-08-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

This is the faith maturation map spelled out for saved believers in the first 5 books of the Old Testament.

We all have an Egypt – a time period in our lives where we feel oppressed, used, taken for granted, reckless, victims of circumstance, held back, and the list goes on. In this space or season we do not feel God’s presence and we are not engaged in His Word. But God knows who we are and he has not forgotten us. He is both Lord over the universe, but comforts the downtrodden. Like the Jewish slaves of Egypt we live in an oppressive state – sometimes with no hope because it is just a way of life. Then something happens that causes us to realize there may be something better for us out there. For the people of Israel living in Egypt, that thing was Moses.

These are passages that, for me, engaged the feelings of redemption and of God hovering over the lost.

"I live in a high and holy place but also with him who is contrite and low in spirit." Is 57:15

"The Lord God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

We all have a desert – a time period in our lives when God makes his presence known, empowers us, teaches us, transforms us, cleanses us…a process of shedding the old, and being re-tooled for a renewal. In this season, we are engaged in His Word and really feel the presence of God or Jesus in our life. Sometimes life is rough in this season but this is where we know that God is hovering, and we begin to learn that his Word is nourishing (like manna). This is the time of our life where we may become members of a church, engage in a small group, get involved in some Christian relationships or activities that reshape our daily habit towards a Christian life - - it’s where we need structure to learn more, our hands need to be held in our spiritual growth, where we learn right habits through right relationships and our developing knowledge of God’s need for relationship with us and our need to rely on him. Just like when the Israelites were in the desert, they had to re-learn how to live, re-learn moral codes of conduct, learn God’s Word, and totally rely on God for nourishment, guidance and navigation.

"Observe therefore all the commands I am giving you today so that you may have strength (power) to go an take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess; and so that you may live long in the land that the lord swore to your forefathers." Dt 11:8

We all have a Jordan – a time marker where we become aware of our devotion to God, and we become aware of how it separates us from the past: past relationships, past habits. We acknowledge that we are different from our non-believing friends and family but we still choose God. This is the season of a believer’s life where they read and re-read the Bible over and over again. This is a point in a saved person’s life where they realize that the relationship is about being in love with God as a result of appreciating the renewal that took place in the desert. It might also be demonstrated by faith in action, becoming a leader of a small group, becoming more involved and vocal about being Christian. It’s where you stop and stand up for Jesus and immerse yourself in the Word because you crave more relationship with our maker. Your identity with God and Christ are more valuable to you than what others think. This is where you 'get it' that your belief in God and love for Him will have eternal impact.

"Take heart to all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law. They are not just idle words for you. They are your life. By them you will live long in the land you are crossing th Jordan to possess." Dt. 32:46-47

"You must not do as they do in the land of Egypt where you have been living. And you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan into which I am about to bring you." Lev. 18:3

We all have a promised land – a time where we saved believers behave in our renewed state. We are different. Our actions are different. Our behaviors are different. We are in a new place. But, we still have many sins within ourselves; we still have an environment around us filled with sin triggers (temptations). Even though we are equipped, we are still at risk of falling back to our old ways if we don’t purge the sin in us and triggers around us. This season is marked by saved believers who clean themselves up by purging sin from their own life. They don’t lecture others. They serve others. They truly try to live biblically every day. You might notice we stop cussing, slandering, gossiping, doing drugs, or drinking, or are no longer interested in gossip magazines, or don’t do porn any more…things like this. And most importantly, this process of identifying and purging sinful or self-destructive behavior is done in reliance on Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit. No other way. Through fasting, worship and prayer. And in Israel's case, Joshua and God battled all the cities purging them - it's a metaphor to the act of purging sin from our environments that God is leading us into.

"The Lord God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These 40 years the Lord your God has been with you and you have not lacked anything." Dt 2:7

"Do not be afraid of them," the LORD said to Joshua, "for I will give you victory over them. Not a single one of them will be able to stand up to you." Jsh 10:8

"The following is a list of the kings Joshua and the Israelite armies defeated on the west side of the Jordan, from Baal-gad in the valley of Lebanon to Mount Halak, which leads up to Seir. (Joshua allotted this land to the tribes of Israel as their inheritance," Js 12:7

Purging Sin Cleansing Life

2010-08-10T13:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know of any creative way to say this. I read Exodus to Joshua as an allegory to a journey of faith...a process of subduing the chaotic lifestyle that being sin-driven creates (Exodus); channeling all your energy into loving God according to His terms (Leviticus and Deuteronomy), and then purging your body and life of your personal sin by identifying sin triggers then attacking your sin with God's help (Joshua). Unbelievable how many personal revelations, gifts, and liberations have come to me upon this reading of the OT.

It's like this: as I read it, my personal Egypt was made very clear to me (my childhood). My desert has been crystallized (from about High School to my first child), and now I feel like I have sat at the edge of my Jordan and crossed (first child to now). The passage from Lv about not doing what they did in Egypt, and not doing what they do in Canaan feels like a current state of affairs for me. Many relationships and habits I have let go of in my heart - and am glad for it. Many that continue but I can tell I have changed and am not repeating the past. Many new relationships I am tempted to 'fit in' and then realize it may be at the expense of my devotion to Jesus and the sovereignty of God, that I back peddle and hit the reset button. Also, I have been really attacking/pursuing my sin behavior this year just like Joshua attacking all the cities. I have felt like a complete warrior with God's help - through the process of fasting, reading, prayer and worship.

It's super hard to explain.

Has anybody out there felt like this in reading Dt, Lv or Jsh???

Why Is It A Christian Problem?

2010-08-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

Why are controversies surrounding abortion, homosexuality and women's rights Christian issues? Why are Christians lambasted for owning these problems, causing these problems, and/or authoring these so-called problems?

Is there some sort of amnesia fog floating in the air, or a bio-bomb-brain-block germ polluting the water system that renders everyone Jew and Christian completely blank? Have we Christians forgotten that Judaism is our founding faith of which we are adopted children? And have our Jewish brothers and sisters forgotten that we all share a common book of law: The Torah? And has the world no use for the fact that the Torah is shared by Jews and Christians? Why don't Jews and Christians unite when these controversies arise in society? We are all on the same page, literally, n'est-ce pas?

C'mon!

What is God's Will?

2010-08-03T09:35:00.001-07:00

This is God's will in a nutshell:

"You must not do as they do in the land of Egypt where you have been living, and you must not do as they do in the land Canaan into which I am about to bring you." Lev. 18:3

Don't repeat the past. Don't conform to the future. Stay right with me, in my word, regardless of the environment.

You want to know God's will for you? Want to know God's plan for your life? That's it. And it is so simple, yet I walk around lamenting, "oh, what's God's plan for me?" and "how will I know it when it is in front of me?"

The whole message of Deuteronomy is God (through Moses) recapping the exodus and 40 years in the desert just as Israel arrives at the Jordan and is waiting to cross. But it is REALLY about God's Will and it applies to all believers Israel or Christian (adopted into Israel). It's this: Here's where you have been, what I liberated you from....then, I took you through a process to renew your mind and train it on me....and now, over there is where I am sending you.

It's as thought God is saying, "in order to fulfill my will you need to, READ MY WORD, MEDITATE ON IT, DON'T STRAY FROM IT, and you will prosper. Don't go back to your old ways, and don't conform to new ways - stay in MY way wherever you go in life, relationships, business, the world. That's God's Will for me.

Amazing Faith at a Dinner for...Science????

2010-07-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

The boys are in bed and the dog is asleep at my feet and I'm just relaxing into my book, sinking deep into the pillows on the sofa, when I remember that something amazing happened at a dinner I attended with my husband.

It was a dinner for engineers, honoring engineers, and honoring one engineer particularly accomplished in his field of specialty. Very fancy. And very informative. You can't even imagine the types of chips these people are designing and their impact on the future of our strides in medicine, health management, and patient recovery. This room was filled with 400 of the most brilliant wireless chip design engineers in the country - maybe even the world. Amazingly brilliant.

When the particular engineer was about to be given the award for which the dinner was being held...the award for all his hard work - I don't know how many - countless - patents, leading research teams, publishing papers, and generally a lot of hard brilliant work, the engineer's boss stood up to give an introduction and speech before calling the engineer on stage.

His introduction was to name the top contributing factors that made this particular engineer so successful. I expected to hear about the long hours he put it, the millions of college degrees he had. What do you think he said? I'll tell you.

In the middle of this big fancy dinner, in a room of incredible scholars, scientists, and engineers; his boss got up and said the 2 top things that made this man so successful was that he fasted and prayed.

Simply Amazing!

Requesting Prayers: Every Church Needs to Develop Privacy Protocol

2010-06-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

I sent a prayer request to a pastor’s personal email. The next thing I knew, a deacon from the church was posting a message on my facebook wall about praying for me. What this communicated to me was that the pastor who received the prayer automatically put it on the prayer chain, somebody in the prayer chain picked it up and remembered that I am on facebook, so figured they could follow up about it on my facebook wall….well intentioned, wanting to let me know they are praying for me.

People who post on my facebook wall may not realize that my kids and their friends all follow me, and as ‘friends’ see everything that gets posted on my wall. For example, what if I needed prayer for something I didn’t want to share with, say, my parents, or my kids – something that they might not be ready to hear about? This particular prayer was about my sister, my kids' Godmother, facing cancer. Luckily, my kids were already aware of it. But what if they hadn't been? What if they had to find out about their Godmother's illness on my facebook page?

But wait, it’s not like I posted a plea on facebook. I went out of my way to make the request directly to a pastor – as opposed to an anonymous prayer chain submission. So how safe is it to ask a pastor for prayers? Certainly this particular pastor is not safe.

However, there was another pastor from the same church who I emailed asking for a prayer, and he contacted me back, and prayed for me. Simple and direct. In addition, he followed up two weeks later to check on me and the object of my prayer request.

I was amazed and felt so cared for. It was very safe. I felt like God was there with us in the process. Like this was and is indeed the way in which the body of Christ cares for itself.

What do you think? Should churches come up with protocols in this electronic age of reaching out? Should I be concerned about who prays? As long as a member of Christ's body is praying for me - why do I care? Shouldn't I just be grateful?

Christian Parents: It Takes More Than Church & School

2010-06-25T09:55:00.001-07:00

A study conducted in July 2009 by Focus on the Family and sponsored by the Church Communication Network revealed that 64% to 94% of practicing Christian High School Seniors leave the church…Lose their religion…Forget their faith.

Where Do We Need To Evangelize...really?

2010-06-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Before you run off to Africa with your bottle of water, please note where we really need Missionaries...

These Facts:

At the beginning of the 20th Century about 71% of the professing Christians of the world lived in Europe.

By the end of the 20th Century that number was 28%.

43% of Christians now live in Latin America and Africa.

In 1900 Africa had 10 million Christians (about 10% of the population). In 2000 that number was about 360 million (about half of the population). This represents the largest shift in religious affiliation in the history of the world on a single continent.

There are 17 million baptized members of the Anglican Church in Nigeria compared with 2.8 million in the US.

Every Sunday more Anglicans attend church in each Kenya, South Africa, Tanzania, and Uganda than did Anglicans in Britain and Canada and Episcopalians in the US combined.

The number of practicing Christians in China is approaching the number in the US.

Last Sunday more Christian believers attended church in China than in all of (so called) Christian Europe.

Kenya has more people in Christian churches on Sunday than Canada. More believers worship together in Nagaland than in Norway.

More Christian workers from Brazil are active in cross-cultural ministry outside of their homelands than from Britain or Canada.

More Presbyterians in Ghana attend church than in Scotland.

In Great Britain more than 15,000 foreign missionaries were hard at work evangelizing the locals of Great Britain. Most of them from Africa and Asia.

This is from John Piper as quoted from Mark Knoll’s, The New Shape of World Christianity

Bless Bloggers!

2010-06-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed lately, now, that a lot of churches are podcasting. And as a result, we have the opportunity to listen to a lot of pastors from a breadth of churches. I’ve noticed a trend developing across the board where lately pastors have begun to spin anti-blogger rhetoric in their sermons.

Here’s how: during a sermon, if they are dealing with the topic of love (which is often), and more so if the scripture motif is “love your neighbors as you want to be loved”, and even more pinpointed if the message touches on respecting authority figures and dealing with sin biblically; it has become typical and acceptable for a pastor to say off-handedly, things like, “don’t leave the church bitter and blog about it”, or “don’t vent about church leaders in a blog,” or “don’t become like a blogger and vent about all the faults of a church.”

The rhetorical figure of ‘blogger’ is a catch-all for what not to do or be, what is ‘bad’, and gives us religious critics who blog a bad rap to say the least. It also sanctions more pastors to participate in the rhetoric, it pits bloggers against the church, and it edifies the false belief that church leaders are immune to discipline – just because they are ‘working for Jesus’.

So, of course, I am going to blog about it…in order that bloggers can proceed biblically and not bitterly, and also to point out to these pastors (who shall remain un-named) that by demonizing a category called, ‘blogger’ you yourself – pastor – become the demon. Corruption, mismanagement, mean treatment, and lazy Christianity are sins that should be purged from church. And there is a guide in the Bible on how churches are to address sin corporately with discipline, forgiveness, and compassion…and yes, purging. But, most churches and church leaders, and especially pastors, do not follow the Bible when it comes to purging sin from their ranks.

Therefore, sometimes, people who go to church who are hoping to find Christ, find rather, one or two leaders in a team of church leaders who are sinful and not remorseful, greedy and not giving, stiff-necked and not open-hearted…self-centered and not Christ-centered. Therefore, sometimes, new people (or even long-time members) leave the church turned-off at least, and embittered at most – but in both circumstances, chances are, they will not be interested in church anymore…they may perceive a disconnect between Jesus and church. Because they expect church leaders to be responsible, biblical, and yet caring.Then sometimes, out of frustration of not knowing how to ‘fix it’ or cope with their feeling helpless, the embittered person blogs about it. And just as non-biblical as the corrupt church staff avoids dealing with sin within their walls, so the blogger may deal with their discontent non-biblically.

We are probably talking about less than 1% of all ‘backdoor dropouts’* becoming bloggers. Then maybe less than 1% of THAT number produce a blog that is read beyond their own eyes. So the issue is small, but it strikes close to my heart because: 1. I am a blogger, 2. I had a horrible experience with a church staff and dealt with it biblically – and was not wrong in blogging about it, and 3. My luck has it that I am tasked to call for repentance among church leaders and encourage Christians to seek Christ and stay in a church community. It’s my ministry, my machine, my crib, my thing. I own it, steward it, and will do well for God by it.

Pastors: First of all, who was the number one person in the entire NT to speak out against the established church of his day? Who corrected, scathingly rebuked, and exposed church leaders’ blind leadership? JESUS. So, pastors, do you believe that if Jesus were alive today, that he would keep quiet about what he would see in God’s church, or do you think he would rebuke and expose it? Do you think he would try to reach people using the postal service, TV, internet, newspapers, radio, church sanctuaries, theaters, music, or social networking…AND BLOGS? Or would he keep all his comments to himself? Maybe pray about it occasionally, alone, privately? If you are a pastor who spins a negative image towards bloggers, whether they are bitter or not, you may be missing a message from Christ himself and therefore demonizing the very One you are here to glorify. Who else demonizes Christ? Satan. So, pastors, lest you wish to be like Satan himself, I would urge you to use the criticism that emerges from who you think of as bitter bloggers as a tool for examining your church staff. Bless the one who persecutes you. Don’t persecute them. You know better.

Further, if your church, indeed, has leaders (including yourself, pastor) who are driven by pride and greed – it is your biblical responsibility to purge that sin from your team. It just is. You do not need to purge the person, but you do need to purge the sin. So if you have a sinful leader who cannot let go of their own sin through fasting, prayer and worship – then they do not belong on your staff. Get rid of them (or you will be held responsible for their inequities). So says Paul and the Law through Moses.

Bloggers: You know, bloggers, you just are not in Christ if you are using your blog to damage someone’s life. Period. You need to examine your motives. If you just want to cause the pain that you feel yourself, then go ahead and complain, expose, etc. But DO NOT DO IT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST. Christ did not argue against the church leaders of his day without being in line with God’s will. If you feel like you are doing God’s will, then test it: Is what you write bringing glory to God or glory to you? Does it make Jesus look like a hypocrite? If what you are complaining about is not qualified biblically, then you should not complain. If you don’t want to honestly resolve the issue (whatever it is) for the betterment of God, then you should not identify yourself as a Christian while complaining about the Christian church.

Here’s a great way to go about resolving sin in the church when you feel you have been wronged by church leaders or a pastor. It’s three steps. Only after you have done all three steps, and still have no positive change for Christ, then write about it – but by stating the data - -not your opinion…AND with the intent of doing well for Christ. When you get caught up in your own opinion, you are putting yourself in a position of judging -and that is a process only for God. We bloggers are not judges.

Here’s how to biblically address being sinned against. First: go directly to the person you believe sinned against you. Face to face. Talk it out. Second: If you come to no resolution, go to that person with another Christian face to face and talk it out. Third: If still not resolution is gotten, you are supposed to bring the problem in front of the congregation. The third step is where it gets sticky because there are probably no churches in the modern world that practice this biblical principle (unfortunately).

In my case with church staffs, I did 2 of these steps all the time while working with church leaders who sinned against me. I never brought the other person in front of the congregation. At best, I brought the problem to the senior pastor – without the other person being present. And even though I dealt with my experience with sinful church leaders as biblically as possible, and blogged just the facts – not my opinion of the facts, I still regret the horrible situation I was in. I regret not praying more, not blessing my persecutors, and not staying.

I blog about my experiences as a church communicator in order to bring light to a very dark world of blind leadership. It does not happen in every church. However I can tell that it is my ministry because God somehow gets me involved with churches that are in need of repentance among the staff. I do not like the lot I have been cast. It’s not fun being rejected by church after church. And I get a queasy feeling every time I meet various pastors who want to hire me or use my services – because I truly believe that God is trying to plant me inside. I get hired to help with marketing and communications, but I end up helping them with issues of trust within their peer group. And the process is usually messy.

However, my best outlet to let the world know what is happening, and that the average person is not alone in feeling like the church sometimes holds a double standard over society’s head, the thing that gives hope to other church communicators who feel isolated and ill-treated, so far, is this blog.

So pastors, I will blog about it and fairly. I believe that if you are a pastor who is interested in pastoring a flock, eventually, you will appreciate people like me who take the time to thoughtfully blog about the inequities that can prevent people from going to church.

*Backdoor is a church industry term referring to those who enter the front door of a church, but slip out a proverbial back door never to return. Church leaders in America constantly struggles with the question of how to close the 'back door'.

Bye, Bye, Francis

2010-05-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

So Francis Chan of Cornerstone, Simi Valley, is leaving for an indefinite period of time, too! Just like John Piper. All the sudden these two great interpreters of scripture are leaving the airways, podcasts, pulpits. Will there be a vacuum? A dearth? It's all I can do to hang on sometimes just to hear what they have to unpack. Chan and Piper dissect, analyze, and bring one deeper into the text than any other pastors I have ever heard...including Mark Driscoll - who is an amazing teacher, but still runs a close third to these two...seems to be a student of these two - even though he is a heavy-duty teacher.

I don't go to their churches. Never have seen them. I just hang on their every word, every week, the minute their techies upload the recent sermons to itunes. I am a podcast member of their churches. Do they even know their reach? Do they know about their virtual congregation?

Well, I just lied. I saw a picture of Frances Chan recently on a brochure for some conference and I hated that I saw him. From his voice, I always pictured him as some kind of Teddy Bear type of guy. You know, kind of soft and lulling, like the voice of someone reading a bedtime story out load. He's not like that visually. He has sharper angular features on his face - there's no 'cuddly' about him.

I have never seen John Piper. But I am still reeling that he has left the pulpit, too. This man is the most gifted, intense scholar of scripture. It seems insane to me that God would send him away from a broadcast arena...but God's plans seem so counter-intuitive to someone like me....a person struggling to get deeper into Him. One week feeling like I know Him, the next week falling right into the arms of the Enemy...and not knowing it, till it's too late.

With the help of Piper, Chan, and Driscoll, I have delved deep into my sin behavior in a study I started on myself in January of this year. I discovered what my sin spirits are, where they came from, and what triggers them. Every week, these scholars talked about something that directly hit me right between the eyes and was so relevant to my own self-search - even though they were not talking about sin at all...they were unpacking other things, delivering amazing knowledge and insight in kind of unrelated topics, but always I had some treasure that directly affected my interrogation, challenged me, and gave me courage.

I can't help but miss Piper and Chan while they are gone. I guess it will be a good measure of my ability to stand on my own two feet and unpack scripture as deeply or as intensely without them. After all, if I relied on them so much - isn't that a smack of idolatry? Just like churches that worship Mary, Paul or Peter? I don't want to forget that Jesus is at the center here - not John Piper, Francis Chan or anyone else - especially not me.

So, with a sad heart for the separation, but with an open heart for the light that will fill me, I stand ready. I stand ready with all the tools these great men have given me through my ear buds into my ipod, through my computer and over all the servers...right from their AV panels that feed through the microphones from their lips... I have been equipped. And oh how I wait for what discoveries I might make on my own.

Why They Say, "Careful What You Pray For"

2010-05-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

Seems like when I pray for help with something I usually end up saying, "God answered, but....Ouch! That was painful!"

God gauges with me - for my sake - just how much I need help. He does like this kind of dipstick to obtain a measurement of where my starting point would be for the help I need.

For example, I prayed that he would help me be a good parent to my sons, who by the way are on track to be greater than I could ever dream of being. I want that. I don't want my lack of wisdom to hold my sons back or to be a cloaking device for their human development. Anyway, so I pray for God's help. Pretty standard, right?

No sooner do I pray for that when I get into a super big argument with one of my kids. I let anger completely get the best of me, and from an emotionally self-centered place, I give all kinds of over the top mandates....you know, to maintain 'parental power'. Which is a good thing to have, but you don't develop it with anger, trust me.

So, I realize God was presenting me with an opportunity to 1. rely on Him and 2. to understand where I fall on the scale for needing help. It's like if I were in a well and prayed for help getting out - God's answer, in addition to reaching down to help me out, revealed to me just how deep I was in the well. I know where I stand after I pray for help because a painful experience showing me just how bad I am always follows my pleas for help. I come away with a point of departure for learning.

And once I realize my measure, I open up. He will fill me up with the wisdom I need to succeed.

Took a while for me to figure this out. It's hard but good. So if you pray for help to be a good parent, perfect spouse, sober, good at finances, good at whatever... be careful. Because God may just answer with an experience that gives you an opportunity to measure the depth of your weakness before he strengthens you in that area. Praying for help isn't just a bail-out.

John Piper

2010-05-02T18:43:00.000-07:00

What's up with John Piper leaving for a while? He said that he needs to tend to his family relationships - which I understand, but can't help to think the enemy is LOL'ing somewhere in victory. What do you think?

Hip Punishment

2010-04-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

I gave out one of those so-called hip punishments last night. My son was disrespectful with me so I banned him from his farmville farm for 3 days.

As he protested, I took away entire access to facebook, any use of any computer, and his i-pod touch as well. Each thing I pulled the plug on hit him like a blow in the gut. By the time I was finished, he was putty, frail, fetal, on the floor. It didn't have to be that bad. Why did he keep persisting, I wondered. So, I asked,

"Why didn't you stop your disrespectful tone after farmville got pulled?"

"I did!" he screamed as he slammed a door in my face.

"Okay, I guess TV goes too!" I said.

So much for THAT.

Do You Fast...Yet?

2010-04-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

This year marks the first year I have seriously fasted in order to draw closer to the Word of God. Do you fast yet?

Ever since I read Starving Jesus and learned how much the experience of fasting clarified the lives of the authors, I knew I could not go forward without a consistent fast.

So far it has become

a tool for helping me rely on, look forward to, and have complete faith in the perfection of His written Word.
a tool for giving me a desire to try and live His word to the best of my ability.
a prayer strengthener.
a tool for interrogating my threshold for sin.
a vehicle for strengthening myself against temptation.
a tool for clearly understanding the exact moment I am choosing something else in place of God.
a tool for seeing God in all relationships around me.
a compass for staying on track with His will - even when I don't know what God's plan is for my life.
a device that helps me speak His word boldly.

Do you fast yet?

I don't know if there is a 'right' way to fast. I plan my fast for consuming coffee, water, or the prepared juices. Here's what I do: I plan for about 3 to 4 days of not eating. I buy a bunch of fresh veggies and fruit and juice them. I make one pitcher for fruit or red juice and one for green or vegetable juice. I carry my Bible with me everywhere. But in advance, I have in mind some passages that are special to me.

Then, I just start. I drink coffee in the morning, green juice in the afternoon, and red juice at night. And I drink water whenever I think about it - but not too much. Every time I begin to feel hungry, I pray into the hunger pang. Specifically, I pray that God would fill my hunger with his Word. Then I read the Bible.

Then I write about what I read - - if I happen to have any epiphanies.

During a fast - remarkably, I have never felt hungry for longer than 5 or so minutes.

Do you fast yet?

Here are the prayers I pray:

The Believers' Prayer
The Lord's Prayer
Habakkuk's Prayer
My own personal prayers

I usually read a passage of the Bible that is my regular reading (right now I am in Acts) and also I include either the Sermon on the Mount, and Isaiah's Ch. 58 on 'True Fasting'.

Do you fast yet?

Here's recipes for the juices:

Green:

Celery
Cucumber
Kale
Spinach
Parsley
Mint
Rosemary (just a touch)
Green Grapes or Green Apples (sometimes)

Red:

Beets
Carrots
Strawberries
Tangerines
Sometimes - Blackberries, cantaloupe, red bell pepper or watermelon

Do you fast yet?

Enjoy discovering a new you and letting go of the old you.

Finally: The Sponge

2010-04-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

After Jesus was arrested but before he was hung on the cross:

He was spit on
He was beat with fists by a mob of 71*
He was abandoned by his friends.
He was tied up.
He was - by a company of at least 30 soldiers*
- stripped
-had a thorn vine crammed onto and into his head
-re-dressed and paraded around - laughed at, mocked, name-called, made fun of
-struck on the head again and again with a staff (thorn crown still there)
- he was disfigured beyond human recognition.

Then-- after all that-- he was re-dressed and walked through the city, brought up the hill to be crucified, where:
-the cross was laid on the ground, he was stripped again placed on the cross, then huge spikes were driven through his hands and his feet.
-the cross was erected with him on it.
-his clothes were divided up and auctioned off
-he was insulted and yelled at by all the onlookers (including 2 others being crucified at the same time)

Then - he tried to talk. The crowd mockingly said, "he's trying to call to Elijah!" Immediately someone ran to get a sponge with wine vinegar, put it on a stick and offered it to him. Then the crowd said, "Now let's leave him alone and see if Elijah comes to save him."

Question: Were you raised to believe this offering of wine vinegar was a compassionate act? I was. I always thought, "how nice that someone in that God-forsaken crowd tried to care."

Well, did you know that back in those days, there were public toilets? And did you know that one way in which the poor made money was to sit in the public toilets with a bowl of watered-down wine vinegar and after someone would go to the bathroom, the slave would take a sponge, put it on a stick, and then wipe the person? Did you know that was a very common lively-hood for slaves and poor? They made money by getting a tip for doing the wiping. It was just custom. Most likely Roman soldiers and the elite used the toilets.

This is all common knowledge among archaeologists who have uncovered these public toilets in and around Jerusalem. Did you know one of the locations of one of these public toilets is right at Golgotha?

After all that happened to Jesus from his arrest to his death, do you really think it would follow logically to have ONE act of dissent - one act of compassion in the middle of all the vitriol? I always did. But now his death has a whole new meaning.

Re-read the events and tell me if you think someone was trying to be compassionate to a dying Jesus, or if this sponge on a stick wasn't simply the last and worst insult of all...

To cram in his mouth a sponge dipped in the dirty public toilet rinse-water that had been used by countless people...imagine that sponge, heavy and wet with unflushed dirge...think of all the port-o-potties you have been in, the thick stench. Think of all that - on a sponge - being shoved in your mouth.

Now tell me what you think of Jesus' crucifixion.

"They said, 'he's calling Elijah!' Immediately someone ran to get a sponge with wine vinegar, put it on a stick and offered it to Jesus to drink. The rest said, 'Now let's leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to save him.' " (Matthew)

To hear a meaningful account of Jesus' final hours - listen to Mark Driscoll's Easter message on 4/4/10 broadcast on location in Jerusalem - you can get it on itunes.

* these quantities are the historically recorded numbers of how many made up: the 'whole Sanhedrin' - the group Jesus was first brought in front of; and a company of soldiers who Jesus was brought to after the Sanhedrin.

Barbie or Cosmo: What's the Difference?

2010-04-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

My friend never told me about it directly, but she was pretty upset a few years ago when I sent her (then) 3 year old daughter a Barbie Princess for her Birthday. I found out later from a mutual friend, that my friend threw away the Barbie and movie that came with it, claiming that it was perpetuating and forcing a stereotypical, backwards, 1950's, female role model onto her daughter.

Flash forward 3 more years and I visit my friend and her child. The kid has tons of Barbie's and a chest of dress-up princess dresses, tiaras, slippers, boas, and you name it...her room is covered. The girl is a frilly girly-girl who loves dolls, dress up, and especially Barbie Princess. Seems over time, my friend learned (possibly from her other friends who listen to Terri Gross) that ultimately, it's okay to let your daughter play house and dress up.

Flash even more forward to today and my friend visits me with her (now) 2 daughters. During the course of the visit, my friend floods my house with: People Magazine, O Magazine, Cosmo Magazine, The National Enquirer, and various other glitterati magazines.

So, here's the thing: I have two sons who are - I believe - too young to have headlines like, "TEN WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN IN BED" glaring at them in the living room. In addition, all the magazines were full of 'news' about who looks best in a particular brand of dress, what super model is wearing the cutest shoes, how to wear your make-up, what clothing lines are popular, how to look sexy, and on and on. I felt a huge double standard emerging along with a blinding hypocrisy.

Am I wrong, or aren't those magazines just another rhetorical version of today's BARBIE? Isn't my friend teaching her child - by way of making those 'training manual' magazines available, and also by studying them herself - isn't she perpetuating and forcing a female standard on her daughters? Just like giving them a Barbie! But these stereotypes come in the form of written instruction and photos - to make sure you have no confusion about what you need to look like, act like, dress, and desire, as you develop into a young lady, right?

I don't have daughters, so I don't know what it is all about. But I do know Barbie is a WAY better stereotype than growing up to be/look like a stereotyped pop diva from People. Barbie doesn't come with the baggage of hitting-bottom-and-bouncing-back headlines...or driving-drunk-but-building-an-orphanage; or five-marriages-8 kids-and-a-reality-show-makes-us-cool-cause-we're-real baggage; at least with Barbie, you make it what you want it to be...kind of.

However, I bet, when my friend's daughters grow up and strive to look like some archetypal 'woman' --because they will, who do you think my friend will blame?

Yep. Me and my feeble attempt to send a doll when the kid turned 3.

Does Oprah Read Ancient Writings of Eye Witness Accounts?

2010-04-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

I really want to know. With all the reading she does - Confucious, Dali Lama, etc., when was the last time she read ancient writings of personal eye witness accounts of a man named Jesus? When was the last time she studied personally, the ancient Jewish manuscripts collected and currently informing over 5 billion people on the earth? I am sure with her current religious-leader status that she is very well informed, super educated, really wise, super well-read. Just wondering. Is her opinion of Jesus based on current personal study? I really want to know. Anyone?

Who Cares When Life Begins?

2010-04-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine volunteers her time on the phone banks for Planned Parenthood. It's a centralized bank of phone counselors located in one city but where all the incoming crisis calls are received for an entire region of the US. As you can imagine, some of the calls she receives are from pregnant teens who don't know what to do.

"After I hear their circumstances, no finances, no family support, and they are so young, I just want to scream into the phone, 'Get the f--king abortion!', but I can't." She says. "We aren't allowed to tell callers what to do - we are just supposed to let them know all the information about all their options."

"So you wouldn't hesitate to tell someone to get an abortion?"

"No. If I could, I would tell a lot of them to do it."

"Wow." I said quietly.

She paused, "In my faith," (she's Jewish - maybe doesn't realize we have the same doctrine-rulebook-scripture...you know, Christians and Jews all follow the same foundational writings), "...we were taught that life begins at birth, yes, that God breaths life into you at your first breath. So I don't have a problem with abortion at all."

Later, I was confused by this. Was she really taught that? Jews out there, help me out. Where in our ancient writings - The Torah - does it say that life begins at our (earthly) birth? All I could figure is that she was talking about -without knowing it...without having personally read it herself - was when Adam was made out of mud and God 'breathed life into him'. But, why do we think that 'breathing life' is the same as 'breathing air'? How simple is that? When God breathes life into something, do you really think it's something as simple as AIR? What if it's something done on a molecular level? An emotional level? When is the computer chip programmed? When the computer is turned on? Or when the chip is designed? Like a computer chip, God may program us (breath life into us) way before we are formed into a physical thing, way before we survive in the earth's atmosphere on our own. I really don't believe 'breathing life into' a being is the same as 'breathing air out of' lungs.

My friend may have never read the Torah herself, but rather, relied on someone else's interpretation in it's umpteenth-or-so generational iteration. We all do it....rely on churches, religious leaders, parents, friends to inform our intelligence when it comes to faith. So many of us grow up without reading any historical writings ourselves. We rely on the verbal passage of faith...which can really screw things up if we don't ALSO qualify the stories told with direct personal study of what's been written and left for us.

You know, verbal history is pretty dicey. Have you ever played 'telephone' with kids? It's where you get a line of kids and at one end start a story, then that kid tells the next, and so on, and so on. Until you get to the end, and behold, the story is all screwed up. I think God left so many ancient writings in tact, and made it so we would collect them, bind them, and call it our Bible, Torah, Book of Law - - -just so we would stop the madness of screwing up His intent. So when any given generation relies solely verbally on the previous, it's problematic. This excuse for sanctioning abortion in a guilt-free way is an obvious example. We use mis-informed teachings to help us hide from morality.

Aside from the obviously ridiculous reason to be OK with killing a fetus, if you're a person of faith, do you really think God did not know Adam before he was formed? Do you really think He did not have a plan for Adam? How old do you think Adam was when God formed him out of mud and breathed life into him? 0? 1? 2? Adult? If he was 0, why doesn't the Torah mention Adam's infancy? If he was an adult at 'birth', does that mean life isn't breathed into people until they are adults? I mean following my friend's line of logic to it's end, it would mean that murder is ok up until some undetermined adult age...the same age Adam was when life was breathed into him.

It's wacky to think about. All I know is God says on more than one occasion that He knows us in the womb, that our names are etched in his hands. And if someone is accounted for before they are born who are we to snuff 'em out? Is our plan for someone else's life greater than God's?

If our kids think a sleeping puppy is dead, then throw it in the garbage, what is our first response?

Exactly. You would save the puppy and explain to your child how sleep is different from dead. You know the puppy has 'life breathed into it' even though outer appearances speak to the contrary to someone simple like a child.

Don't you see how simple-minded it is to try and pinpoint when life begins for the sake of deciding someone's life or death? You're either for killing or against it. You're either gonna do it or not. But don't, please don't, hide behind God or your limited understanding of God. His position is clear.

We must be responsible for reading ancient scripture ourselves - first person- if we are going to use our faith to sanction or defend our actions. The same reasoning my friend used for being OK with abortion is exactly what is wrong with religion - too many generations have had their faith informed by a childhood memory of what they were told.

I couldn't tell my friend that she was allowing a childhood version of herself - essentially, a little girl, guide her decisions about her faith, and other people's life or death. It would have killed our already kind of not-yet-fully-developed relationship, I think. But I do think of her a lot. I think of her being on that phone with scared teenagers and her opinion, though not stated, blaring through the phone lines in her tone, her pauses, her passion. I think about it a lot.

Magical Rock Experience

2010-01-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

Up in northern California on the Russian River at Guernville, I like to walk on the river shores collecting this amazingly beautiful rock. Every summer we spend a couple of weeks on the river and inevitably end up on a gravel beach across the river from the cabin, and the kids search for the perfect 'skippin' rock while I collect a pile of my own rocks that are big smooth green stones - not flat round gray skipping stones. My rock looks a lot like bloodstone: kind of mossy green with burgundy and brown veins running through it. And you don't find a lot on the beach - they are mainly just in the river bed.

I don't understand my attraction to this stone. I suppose it could be self-centered because the stone is the same color of my eyes. But it's not just the color. It's the smooth feel, the weight, the density, the coolness; all of it puts me in a trance. I look at each rock and imagine them all coming from the same mother source: all related yet scattered now after a millenea of freezing, thawing, cracking and washing down a river...polished smooth by the fresh water washing over it. I can't help but appreciate the millions of years it took for the mother rock to form. It appears igneous...like it could have started out as a type of granite and just got pressed over time into something denser and more colorful. It's glassy but not clear. It's thick and heavy, not porous...so it had to have extreme pressure and water, and stillness in order to end up so solid yet veined. I look at this rock and feel like I am dipping into a personal relationship with earth's beginnings. It's an amazing feeling. Peaceful.

Last summer we set out with the same old pattern. First thing we do when we arrive at the cabin is to drop our bags, jump in the river and swim across to the beach and immediately skip rocks, and me reuniting with green stones, and once again starting my collection for the week. One afternoon while I was searching for the perfect stone to add to my collection (which ends up on the ledge of my tub at home), I kept thinking quietly: "I wish I could see what this rock looked like in its original state. I wish I could see the massive rock formation that these once were." The feeling was overwhelming. I wanted to go back in time and see where these rocks came from. See the layer in the ground...see it as a big mountain...just see where it started.

We ended our vacation uneventfully, but with a pit stop in San Francisco at my sister's city house (we call her river house 'the river house' - that's the cabin where we stay on the Russian River). This trip was a little different because we usually don't stop to sight see in the city, and we usually wouldn't have a dog with us. But it had been years since the boys had seen the sites, and we had recently rescued a dog - so we had her with us because we didn't have the heart to kennel her so soon after being rescued from a kennel.

Anyway, because we had the dog with us, I went running every morning while we were in the city to give her (and me) a good little work out. One morning the dog and I set out. Super cold but beautiful morning. The wind was really strong in my sister's neighborhood, but the dog and I were troopers. Since I didn't know a lot of good running routes, I decided to just keep running up hill on random streets until it was time to turn around and go back. That way I was certain the whole second half of the run would be downhill and hence, easy. Well, we found this really great neighborhood that ran along the side of a mountain - which I later found out is an area called Twin Peaks (because there are 2 small little mountains), and Tank Hill (because it houses a huge water tank). So there's like 4 little mountains with neighborhoods clustered in between them all - in the Castro and Cole Valley areas of the city. But at the time I was running it, I had no idea where I was.

We ran up a super long winding hill on a mountain road, and the wind was blowing all this really thick fog over us. The higher we got in elevation, the less we could see. It was more like clouds rather than fog. Soon we could only see the ground at our feet. We came to this big intersection and I noticed a park sign pointing to the left, revealing there was a park or preserve. But ahead of me, behind the sign, was a hill that went straight up. It was just a hilly area with dirt paths leading to the top, so I brought the dog up there to explore. The fog / clouds were so thick we couldn't even see the top of the hill we were climbing. We followed the path up to the top. Couldn't see a thing. All I could do was to feel was the wind. It seemed to be coming in from the East cause when I turned so it would blow on my face, the sky was bright and glowing like the sun was trying to break through. And since it was morning, and the sun rises in the East...well I figured I was facing East by all accounts.

The clouds started to thin and there was a little more visibility. I looked down and noticed this amazing thing. I noticed I was right next to this rocky formation on the top of the hill. And on the formation there was laying the most beautiful cuts of lamb I had ever seen. It was surreal, like someone was leaving an offering. In my head, I figured, "only in San Francisco". Then I noticed the rock that the meat was sitting on. It was one big rock jetting up out of the ground all jagged at an angle from the rest of the ground. It was massive, and I could see layers in it. And it was green and smooth...just like my river rock. It was the mother rock! Or part of it or something. Some version of what my river rock looked like before it was millions of little river rocks. I was seeing exactly what I was wishing for just a few days earlier. I was speechless.

I turned back to the East where the sun was still filtered but blinding. Like it was God Himself giving me what would be a little wink for Him - - but was an over powering brilliant light for me. I just stood there numb. I started crying. It was too much. Just then the sun began to break through and I turned back around to see the rock again. See if I could chip a little piece and take it. At once I was so shocked to see towering 900 feet above me - this massive radio tower. I stumbled backpedalling so fast. The dog came over as if to help me. My heart was beating super hard. The tower was such a startling site after being enveloped in the solitude of the fog with just the rock, the offering, and the brilliant but filtered sun. I ran down that hill so fast. When I got to the bottom, the fog had lifted from that point and I could see the whole immensity of the entire tower.

It was actually on another hill across a little valley from me. But is was so immense in it's presence, that while I was on top of the rock hill, I thought the tower was right next to me. I was so thankful that I hadn't seen the tower before climbing the hill. I realized that the immense structure would have prevented me from even going up that hill had I seen it before hand. I don't know why I found it to be so frightening. It just was. The fear of the man-made thing would have prevented me from seeing God's gift...unfolding as though a response to my earlier desire to see the origin rock.

The whole experience still seems to totally unreal, surreal, tangible, spiritual, historical, and hysterical. I will never forget that run, that experience, as long as I live. I later found out the tower is Sutro Tower - a famous landmark in San Francisco. I feel embarrassed for feeling so intimidated by it's size. But I guess you had to be there.

The Thing About Missionaries

2009-11-04T13:49:00.001-08:00

Okay, how do I unpack what has been put on my heart without – yet again- offending the very people I love: Those who I am committed to take extra special care of: believers, followers of Jesus Christ, disciples, Christians. I don’t like it when a holy discontent is put on my heart…even though it’s a privilege.

It’s missionaries and the way churches package their efforts. And for the record: I love missionaries. I have nothing but respect for them and the sacrifices they endure in order to teach people about salvation found alone in Jesus Christ.

The other day I heard a missionary at Mars Hill in Seattle give his testimony to the congregation. He and his family came back to the states after spending 3 years in a remote jungle somewhere in Papa New Guinea. They were back for 10 months – long enough to give birth to their 3rd son – and they planned to leave again for 3 more years the following Saturday.

It was said that they went to the jungle three years prior with nothing. No one where they were going knew Christ. No one where they were going knew English. Over the course of three years and two kids: this missionary and his wife began to translate the Bible, and they baptized 50 believers into Christ. They had established a church of disciples. They had in fact ‘made’ disciples, baptized, and taught Jesus’ commands. This is the Great Commission: what Jesus told all the disciples right before he ascended. Before he even stepped up to the mike my heart cheered for this missionary and his wife because their efforts were so true to Jesus’ last human/earthly words. So biblical in their mission. It is truly amazing to see someone authentically living out the gospel. And to see it in church is even better.

When the missionary stepped up to tell his story, he did not talk about all the transformed lives he affected, he did not talk about his work, he did not bring any attention to his family or their sacrifices related to the success of the mission. Rather, here is what he said: (paraphrased)

“God has made many believers in (the village) in the remote jungle of Papa New Guinea. There are 50 now in Jesus' church. We came back to have our third son, but mostly to restore our marriage. I gave into much temptation during our stay – always choosing to do translating over spending time with my family, choosing to have a church meeting over being with my wife, and the list goes on. There’s so much to do as a missionary over there, and I let it consume every minute of my day, and destroy my marriage. We let it separate us. And we had to come back to get clarity on what was really going on.

"We know Satan wants to take us out. We are huge targets because we are making Christians where there were none. If we are taken down – look at all the believers who he (Satan) would lay claim to. If we fail, what would that mean to the village and the church of believers? What would that mean to Jesus? We knew we had to make our marriage and our relationship with Christ our primary focus. So we came back to the states and got some help, and now we’re going back this Saturday, and we’ll do things differently. But we will not stop our mission of making believers.”

As I listened, all the air had been taken from my lungs. In the background of the podcast, you could hear a pin drop. There was dead silence. The stark reality of the toll their walk of faith was taking on them hit us all in the gut. In most other churches, one would expect to see smiling faces of the whole family up there giving testimony of their "I changed the world" experience -and we would be clapping, nodding, smiling, but not really listening; just staring at the slide show of village kids playing with the missionary kids in a dirt patch between huts.

Even though there was everything self-glorifying about what these people were doing, the missionary used his limited time with the congregation to talk about what was on his heart - lay himself out at the feet of the body of Christ. Their endeavor was hard and taking a huge toll on them, their marriage, their family. It was a hard life. These guys were the real deal. Real missionaries really carrying out the Great Commission. They could totally grab that glory trophy and take the glory for their work. But no.

Just considering the depth of their sacrifice, the honesty with which he confessed, and the conviction on his heart were all too much to bear. I felt so convicted. It brought forth the realization that we who stay behind need to be faithful in prayer for those who are bringing people to Christ and will stop at nothing to do so. Doesn’t matter to me that they were in New Guinea or New Mexico. They were committed to the Great Commission…really and truly. And the church didn’t make a big deal about it – they didn’t take the credit. And the person, the missionary, gave all the credit to God. Didn’t talk about all his great accomplishments or call any attention to any glory that might be his to take…he gave all the glory to God and took all the responsibility for the sin.

I felt convicted because I contrast that experience to so many churches who tout that their mission is to ‘carry out the Great Commission’ and then validate the claim by connecting a group from their congregation with a Christian organization (such as Compassion International, World Vision, Prayer Watch, etc.), and then send them on a sanctioned, scripted, orchestrated, insulated journey to aid people in need – but who already have been evangelized…saved…made disciples…know who Jesus is - -and believe.

While this kind of good will is -in fact -good, it is NOT ‘carrying out the Great Commission’…because it’s just not. But that is somehow the spin it gets. Maybe it’s just because these good-willed people are sent out of the US to a third world country…maybe that’s why some churches will call this 'a carrying out of the great commission' because there is travel to another continent involved. And because we are to make disciples of all nations, the church dumbs it down by hanging on the 'all nations' part rather than the 'making disciples' part. When in fact all nations means all lineages/names as equally as geographic nations. They don't mention that in a melting pot like America, you don't need to go anywhere to make disciples of all nations.

What an event like this is – is part of the Great Commandment – to love each other as Christ loved us. Not the Great Commission. In addition, Christians are called to take special care of other Christians. So pre-packaged, corporate partnerships with Christian organizations are all good - in fact, they're extra good. Just not the commission of making disciples.

A trip like this needs to be called what it is: good will, strengthening the body of Christ, believers taking care of believers. It is biblical. And it is great. But this type of missionary- one on a good-will mission that has been planned-out and combined with a larger partnership - should not be confused with a missionary of the Great Commission, a missionary whose primary goal is to make disciples, baptize and teach about Jesus. Good will (or caring) missions have a primary goal of say, delivering water, bringing food, building a shelter, digging a well, planting a crop...but not converting unbelievers to believers. The praying, talking about Jesus, teaching, - they all seem to be byproducts – a secondary goal.

So, that's what bugs me: that the Great Commission and the Great Commandment get blurred. And hearing the Mars Hill missionary -whose only focus was to carry out the Great Commission - so crystalized the dichotomy of realities happening in churches across America. I might be splitting hairs but that's OK because it's important to understand the difference. One increases the size of Jesus' kingdom; the other strengthens the body of Christ. Both are vital - that's why Jesus pairs them together - - that's why it's his last orders before leaving. One doesn't make sense without the other. One dies without the other.

So, if churches and missionaries have a habit of blurring what they are doing out in the mission field...that is to say, for example, if I go to Somalia under the umbrella of World Vision and build showers for people as my primary goal...I am being Jesus' hands and feet...I am caring for an already evangelized segment of God's kingdom...I am helping strengthen the body of Christ. And the hopeful-but-by-chance-after-effect of my good work might be that the people I am helping learn from my example, that Christians are caring, giving, healing people. Without intentionally planning to teach/preach the story of Jesus, I may just be remembered as a nice American...but should be remembered as a Christian. So I'm not really making disciples if I don't intentionally make that my goal.

Then if I go back home believing that I was out 'making disciples', and my church celebrates my arrival home and announces my good work as part of the church's global reach of 'fulfilling the Great Commission', guess who loses? Jesus. Because my people who supported my trip believe they are making disciples through my efforts - when they in fact are not...and the kingdom is not advancing...not growing. But we feel happy, content, complacent, we have checked that box. We use buzz words like, 'advancing the kingdom' and 'global reach' in our church circle, then continue to not talk to people about Jesus' story.

Another problematic: Sometimes, when we care globally as a church but have limited resources, we can begin to become apathetic towards our own neighborhoods' care needs. Because we can only do so much and we are a "missional church" (read: we only do third world...can't help every little cause). We stumble over our own homeless to get to the airport to catch our plane to, say, Tangier's. We don’t pay attention when it’s local, or not sponsored by some big Christian organization...that's not sexy like Africa or India.

Most of us don’t have the guts to go face to face to help. We haven't learned how to be people who help like Jesus. It's not intuitive. We travel half way around the world to give a kid a bottle of water and a pair of shoes– and we come back astounded that we were capable of giving. It's our heart that changes. Giving changes us. It made us grow…giving did. That is what strengthens the body of Christ - when we learn a heart for giving. But we had to spend a lot of money and leave our country - our own needy - to ‘get it’.

And we come back after building an orphanage and puff our chests that we carried out the great commission – us ‘missionaries’. But we didn’t. And we aren’t. We are good Christians/disciples, though, doing good things. What we did was good. What we did was God-inspired. But it wasn’t the Great Commission…intentionally, and we can’t dupe ourselves into thinking that it was. Because we will slowly, subtly stop the process of making disciples if we keep on this tact… And that’s the evil one’s plan…to stop us.

1. I am not saying that giving globally is bad - it's good. It's Godly. Just don't forsake what's in front of us every day. And help teach the church to teach us believers how to make more of an impact for the complicated needs of our own communities.

2. And I am not saying that caring missions are bad either. Just call them what they are - lest we forget what we have been 'commissioned' to do.

3. And when we are involved with true missionaries of the Great Commission - whether they are in L.A. or in Papa New Guinea - local or global-- pray for God to strengthen them and praise Him for their courage to focus on the one goal: to talk about His son.

Thank God we live in a place and time where I can contemplate such things.

A Letter to the Woman I Met Last Night

2009-10-29T12:09:00.000-07:00

To the woman I met last night: I want you to know that you are not alone. You have many of us who are your sisters and are with you, to hear you, to comfort you, to be there for you, to remind you…of your strength, and of God’s love. You have Jesus himself with you; suffering every bit of it with you; crying as hard and as deeply as you. Unlike us, He really knows what you are feeling and going through...to the core. He is with you.

God did not take two of your three sons. He did not remove your youngest from this earth in a drunk-driving accident, and He did not leave your middle son incapacitated from war. It was the enemy -working through others- who took your boys. And God, who loves your sons beyond comprehension, and who loves you more than anything, cries with you, and is with you. It is so hard to believe now but every single gut-wrenching tear you shed, He is catching in His hands and they WILL become blessings showered back on you- each and every one.

He will get you through this…find ways to send you moments of peacefulness and comfort to help in your mourning and grief. You are in such a velley of darkness right now - but know that you PASS THROUGH it, walk through it. I know God is walking with you. He can carry you and comfort you.

You will be comforted. You have great faith and He will send you people who provide comfort, laughter, a hug, and a shoulder. ..Just like last night. Use us. We are here, He is with you, and He loves you.

I don't know how to get in touch with you directly. But I have faith that you will receive this message - if not from me, from other members of Chirst's body. We care about you, share in your pain, and pray for healing.

Those of you reading this, please pray for my new unknown friend - that God's will will someday become known - -somehow - -from this tragedy, and her pain will somehow turn into triumph.

Review - Over the Underpass

2009-10-05T08:02:00.001-07:00

Over the Underpass is a personal account of Mike Yankowsi, a then college student, and his traveling companion, Sam Purvis’, six months living undercover as homeless men on the streets of six American cities. Written by Mike, his story contains some amazing insights as well as some amazing ‘no duh’ moments.

MAJOR TAKE-AWAYS:

Amaze Factor. (The compelling things that make this a must-read for all people, especially Christians and especially Christian church leaders.)

· Their courage to make the decision to go homeless. Mike’s heart was prompted for this mission field and he followed it. Amazing for such a young guy to have such a commitment and trust; thoughtful and biblical approach in preparing for it. He demonstrates an example that all of us pew potatos need to learn from.

· The realization that homeless people can be giving. There were a few scenes where either Mike was surprised to meet homeless people who were generous with him (as a homeless person); and/or where homeless people he shared with were surprised that another homeless person would share. This caused me the reader to understand for the first time that we can’t simply assume the same stereo-type exists for all homeless people – specifically that they are takers.

· The realization that homeless people can take care of each other. Mike was taken under the wing –mentored – befriended by - a couple of homeless people. Amazing. OTUP offered some examples of mentors, caregivers, and friends. I had a real Ah-Ha moment that homeless people sometimes look out for each other (but mostly don't) and, that there is an opportunity to somehow rally the homeless population to have more solidarity in love - rather than fear. Just because they are homeless, and trying to survive day to day, there is no reason they can’t have more responsibility for each other’s welfare...God's will is in EVERYONE, homeless included. Remember: love God, love each other?

· Once you are homeless it is assumed that the only source for food is handouts from other people. This is something the author fell right in step with and didn't notice that he could try to find edible food from indigenous plants or animals. Not there to change the status quo - just there to partake in it.

· There were at least 3 accounts of Christians and/or Christian churches being helpful and generous with him as a homeless person!!!! YES!

No, Duh! Factor (Things they discovered on the street that society already knew – but was news to the author):

· Homeless people are generally selfish, un-medicated psychotics, addicted to drugs or alcohol, and not trustworthy.

· Christian churches don’t like homeless people loitering on their campuses.

· Christian Church congregations are judgmental.

· Christians – even though they are called to be more caring than non-Christians – are not unlike the entire population in ignoring homeless people when it comes to a face-to-face, personal interaction.

· The author is surprised that people don’t want to be near him – why? He speaks disdainfully about a family sitting near him in a restaurant. He and they are the only customers – except he isn’t a customer, he's loitering. He’s smelly, dirty, and sitting there waiting for them to leave – we find out later - so he can eat their leftovers. No, duh! Of course they don’t want to be near you, silly! As a Christian conducting a Christian experiment I believe Mike should have been more tolerant of people making choices to NOT give to or help the homeless - time and time again, he is upset at not getting the hand outs he hopes for. Rather, I believe it would have been more God-honoring to accept that people have the gift of free will; and to pray for those who used this gift for bad - to not to help someone in need.

Truthfully, us Christians are called to give quickly and without thinking about it. To give before the right hand knows what the left hand is doing. And we don't. Even Mike tells us how to give (don't go alone), what to give (don't give cash). Well, that's just not biblical. It drives me crazy to hear Christian pastors, educators and now, authors advising people to give but with conditions. STOP IT!

Sidenote: I think Mike picks on Christian churches because he is Christian and therefore only went to seek worship and/or refuge at such. It's not meant to be a Christian-bashing book, but can come off like it because Mike wants to be an accepted member of the body of Christ when he goes to worship - and well, he got rejected...a lot.

We Christians know better yet we still can't get over ourselves in order to welcome everyone in His love. That being said, and for what it's worth, I believe if Mike and/or any homeless person went to a mosque, temple, shrine, or any other non-christian religious place of worship – they would have been rejected all the same. :-)

Bottom line is that everyone who can read should read this book in order that all become better at helping, our homeless population.

Review: Starving Jesus

2009-10-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

Starving Jesus is a book written by pastors Craig Gross and J.R. Mahon of xxxchurch ministries, and is a call to action for other Christian churches and Christian believers to get out of their pews and, basically, put faith into action. They do this by way of sharing their personal spiritual growth, voicing their discontent with the American Christian body of Christ, and defining ways in which others (both Christian and non) can get closer to Jesus and walking the talk of Christianity.

What makes this different from the (already overdone) discourse on church reform is their candid personal accounts as pastors in coming to Christ – for real….and their sincere efforts to change the landscape of ‘the church’ away from buildings where people gather, into a church body of people who serve.

The title, Starving Jesus has a two-fold meaning. First, the authors make an argument that the church in it's current state is, in fact, starving Jesus right out of His own church...not feeding Jesus by way of not truly advancing the kingdom, by not doing what he teaches. Secondly, starving is a key to feeding your own faith through fasting. The authors talk about their own appreciation for how their faith grew through fasting, as well as how blessings follow fasting...and how biblical fasting is a given, not a calling- that it should be a regular part of the Christian lifestyle.

Formatted in alternating personal journal entries interspersed with relevant scriptural passages, the book follows a linear timeline of each of the authors' ‘stories’ of how they came to be xxxministries.com, leaving their traditional church environments and professional careers. In the journey they found fasting to be vital to their walk of faith and are convinced that it is not just a calling for Christians to fast, but rather, it’s a given. If you haven’t been exposed to the current genre of ‘reform the Christian church’, this book might seem a bit brash, forward, and offensive to Christians, and churched people.

The authors simply retell accounts of church people who either don’t understand, or forgot, what Jesus was all about. They call for a church without the red-tape and formality. They call for a church of doers, rather than pew potatoes. If you are one who is tired of the perceived ‘fakeness’ of churches or certain types of Christians, you will thoroughly enjoy this book, and appreciate the candor of these two pastors. You may also (hopefully) be inspired to read the Bible on your own, and fast on your own as a result of reading Starving Jesus.

I applaud this book as the most refreshing – no bull – no egg shells – no kid gloves expression of the frustration with ‘the church’ body, and a no frills urgency to get over it and get into your own personal relationship with Jesus by reading the Bible and fasting.

Magical Rock Experience

2009-09-29T12:33:00.001-07:00

Up in northern California on the Russian River at Guernville, I like to walk on the river shores collecting this amazingly beautiful rock.

Every summer we spend a couple of weeks on the river and inevitably end up on a gravel beach across the river from the cabin, and the kids search for the perfect 'skippin' rock while I collect a pile of my own rocks that are big smooth green stones - not flat round gray skipping stones. My rock looks a lot like bloodstone: kind of mossy green with burgundy and brown veins running through it. And you don't find a lot on the beach - they are mainly just in the river bed.

I don't understand my attraction to this stone. I suppose it could be self-centered because the stone is the same color of my eyes. But it's not just the color. It's the smooth feel, the weight, the density, the coolness; all of it puts me in a trance. I look at each rock and imagine them all coming from the same mother source: all related yet scattered now after a millenea of freezing, thawing, cracking and washing down a river...polished smooth by the fresh water washing over it.

I can't help but appreciate the millions of years it took for the mother rock to form. It appears igneous...like it could have started out as a type of granite and just got pressed over time into something denser and more colorful. It's glassy but not clear. It's thick and heavy, not porous...so it had to have extreme pressure and water, and stillness in order to end up so solid yet veined. I look at this rock and feel like I am dipping into a personal relationship with earth's beginnings. It's an amazing feeling. Peaceful.

Last summer we set out with the same old pattern. First thing we do when we arrive at the cabin is to drop our bags, jump in the river and swim across to the beach and immediately skip rocks, and me reuniting with green stones, and once again starting my collection for the week.

One afternoon while I was searching for the perfect stone to add to my collection (which ends up on the ledge of my tub at home), I kept thinking quietly: "I wish I could see what this rock looked like in its original state. I wish I could see the massive rock formation that these once were." The feeling was overwhelming. I wanted to go back in time and see where these rocks came from. See the layer in the ground...see it as a big mountain...just see where it started.

We ended our vacation uneventfully, but with a pit stop in San Francisco at my sister's city house (we call her river house 'the river house' - that's the cabin where we stay on the Russian River). This trip was a little different because we usually don't stop to sight see in the city, and we usually wouldn't have a dog with us. But it had been years since the boys had seen the sites, and we had recently rescued a dog - so we had her with us because we didn't have the heart to kennel her so soon after being rescued from a kennel. Anyway, because we had the dog with us, I went running every morning while we were in the city to give her (and me) a good little work out.

One morning the dog and I set out. Super cold but beautiful morning. The wind was really strong in my sister's neighborhood, but the dog and I were troopers. Since I didn't know a lot of good running routes, I decided to just keep running up hill on random streets until it was time to turn around and go back. That way I was certain the whole second half of the run would be downhill and hence, easy. Well, we found this really great neighborhood that ran along the side of a mountain - which I later found out is an area called Twin Peaks (because there are 2 small little mountains), and Tank Hill (because it houses a huge water tank). So there's like 4 little mountains with neighborhoods clustered in between them all - in the Castro and Cole Valley areas of the city. But at the time I was running it, I had no idea where I was.

We ran up a super long winding hill on a mountain road, and the wind was blowing all this really thick fog over us. The higher we got in elevation, the less we could see. It was more like clouds rather than fog. Soon we could only see the ground at our feet.

We came to this big intersection and I noticed a park sign pointing to the left, revealing there was a park or preserve. But ahead of me, behind the sign, was a hill that went straight up. It was just a hilly area with dirt paths leading to the top, so I brought the dog up there to explore. The fog / clouds were so thick we couldn't even see the top of the hill we were climbing. We followed the path up to the top. Couldn't see a thing.

All I could do was to feel was the wind. It seemed to be coming in from the East cause when I turned so it would blow on my face, the sky was bright and glowing like the sun was trying to break through. And since it was morning, and the sun rises in the East...well I figured I was facing East by all accounts. The clouds started to thin and there was a little more visibility. I looked down and noticed this amazing thing. I noticed I was right next to this rocky formation on the top of the hill. And on the formation there was laying the most beautiful cuts of lamb I had ever seen. It was surreal, like someone was leaving an offering. In my head, I figured, "only in San Francisco". Then I noticed the rock that the meat was sitting on. It was one big rock jetting up out of the ground all jagged at an angle from the rest of the ground. It was massive, and I could see layers in it. And it was green and smooth...just like my river rock.

It was the mother rock! Or part of it or something. Some version of what my river rock looked like before it was millions of little river rocks. I was seeing exactly what I was wishing for just a few days earlier. I was speechless.

I turned back to the East where the sun was still fighting to come through. The ball behind the clouds was a brilliant gleaming white light. Like it was God Himself giving me what would be a little wink for Him - - but was an over powering brilliant light for me. I just stood there numb. I started crying. It was too much.

Just then the sun began to break through and I turned back around to see the rock again. See if I could chip a little piece and take it. At once I was so shocked to see towering 900 feet above me - this massive radio tower. I stumbled backpedalling so fast. The dog came over as if to help me. My heart was beating super hard. The tower was such a startling site after being enveloped in the solitude of the fog with just the rock, the offering, and the brilliant but filtered sun.

I ran down that hill so fast. When I got to the bottom, the fog had lifted from that point and I could see the whole tower. It was actually on another hill across a little valley from me. But is was so immense in it's presence, that while I was on top of the rock hill, I thought the tower was right next to me.

I was so thankful that I hadn't seen the tower before climbing the hill. I realized that the immense structure would have prevented me from even going up that hill had I seen it before hand. I don't know why I found it to be so frightening. It just was. The fear of the man-made thing would have prevented me from seeing God's gift...unfolding as though a response to my earlier desire to see the origin rock.

The whole experience still seems to totally unreal, surreal, tangible, spiritual, historical, and hysterical. I will never forget that run, that experience, as long as I live.

I later found out the tower is Sutro Tower - a famous landmark in San Francisco. I feel embarrassed for feeling so intimidated by it's size. But I guess you had to be there.

This Side of the Dirt

2009-09-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

1. Conventional wisdom mandates that Believers have to "do good works", "obey God's rules", and "be perfect" in order to receive eternal life. That we maintain the rules in order to "stay in God's good graces" and "be saved" and receive "eternal salvation".

2. My friend says, "How do you know I am not a believer? After all, I 'accept' Jesus and that's all I need for eternal life, right?"

3. Homer Simpson asks -when trying to get out of going to church, "Why can't I be like everybody else and pray like hell for salvation on my death bed?"

Lots of confusion concerning eternal life.

Here's a truth no one advertises: eternal life happens here and now -- in this life - - every day. It's not something that happens after we die. It's a gift we receive on THIS SIDE OF THE DIRT. And we keep the gift eternally when our body is well buried on the other side of the dirt.

Have you ever heard a follower of Jesus say, "After I found Jesus, boy, I became more disciplined, I started doing the right thing, and I became more productive!" No. You haven't. What you have heard us say is something like this: "I don't know how to explain it, but as soon as I came to Jesus" (translated means, 'as soon as I became a BELIEVER in Jesus) "I don't know what happened! I started to see things differently, I began to change, felt so happy and loved, I started treating people around me with love...I just can't explain this feeling!"

The indescribable feeling/the change/the new beginning, is inscribed in the human DNA, in our souls. The 'feeling'...the unexplainable is the last part of a 4 part linear sequence of realization that happens in all believers. And probably 99% of them do not know this is happening to them.

They are receiving the gift of eternal life while they are still here - alive - on earth.

You don't have to go to church, you don't have to adhere to a list of rules, you can't merely 'accept' Jesus...no luke warm behavior will uncover this strand of your human DNA.

All you have to do is really own these 3 things:
God Loved. (the whole world - not just a certain people)
God Gave. (his son...his all. when you love, you give, right?)
We Believe. (his son was a sin offering...paid the price...showed us the way)

Then the 4th automatically follows:
We Receive. (the gift of eternal life...living eternally B4 we die)

Message to Christians:
1. If you have a conventional wisdom type of thinking, such as, "I go to church every Sunday, Easter and Christmas, too- even volunteer, clean up, teach a class, for sure I will get eternal life as a result." Please think again. Attending church and doing good deeds doesn't make you any closer to being a Christian than sleeping in your garage will turn you into a car.

2. Or if you are like my friend, a person who says, "Well, I am a Christian because I ACCEPT Jesus." That's just like sitting on the chair half way. You need to fully own your belief - not merely tolerate it like a kid tolerates a kiss from the scary grandma.

3. Or if you are like Homer Simpson in your thinking, "I love Jesus and God and all that, but I don't need it till I die, I'll just live my life playing full-out till I'm old, then I'll ask for Jesus to save me." You are MISSING the most amazing way to live - - you are choosing to limit what could be infinite....what could be eternal.

If you want to have that inexplicable feeling, that breathtaking joy, that glow, that 'thing' that happiness that everyone notices...but that you can't explain, you must fully believe.

God Loved. God Gave. We Believe. We Receive.

Know Anybody Who Always Seems Happy?

2009-09-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

Don't-cha just hate those types? Always smiling...even when no one is looking. Always interested in what you have to say. Always interested in kids. Animals always like these people. Always open to new ideas. Always have great questions.

It's like they are coated with an invisible magical blanket of super positive energy. And you know instantly: they are - go ahead, say it - Jesus Freaks, Born-Agains, Believers. Pick a decade, there's a name for 'em from each generation. They are so darn positive, so bubbly, always so dang happy, glass always half full.

Did you know they didn't intentionally try to make their personalities like that? There are certain things that just happen - gifts that are given - as a result of belief. ...blessings we call them.

This magical blanket of joy is a gift to believers who follow godly paths on the inside:

"You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness" (read: I know what is in your heart your insides, your guts, your motives; and it's not easy to seek righteousness and hate wickedness- but you are doing it, and in a world of great temptation to do otherwise)

"Therefore God, YOUR God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of JOY" (read: That's why we notice them so much. They are set in a place for all around them to notice their joy - that's why they stand out.

It's mystical life energy, it's mysterious karma, the realm of the universe...No. Too simple: it is God breathing praise into, onto, and over those who follow Him on the inside. :-)

Name Hyphenation

2009-07-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

I thought all my mid-40's friends were having some sort of mid-life crisis because they started hyphenating their names...all of them...and all at once.

Which lead me to wonder: why? What's the point of that? Is it to gain some sort of independence from the shadow of their husband? You know, not want to be known under someone else's identity? Which lead me to wonder...

Is there something wrong with their marriage? Their perception of the arrangement of their marriage? Are they tired of using the identity of some man who expects them to stay at home, tend to the kids, take care of the house, garden all the yards, make all the meals, iron all the clothes...all when what they really want is to have their own gig back?...the one they had before kids????!!!

The gig when they were known for themselves and not the package that comes with the umbrella of wife and mom???

But were they really known for themselves before they took their husband's name? I mean, didn't they just have some other man's name before that? Their dad's? And isn't he just some other man in this hegemonic strata all designed to cover the independence of women??!! Aren't they just trading one man's name for another? And is their dad really THAT great, that his name should be hyphenated with the husband's? "Look at me I have a double dose of NO IDENTITY, but I feel so innn-deee-pen-dent!"

What the heck is happening?!

Then, I realized, everyone was getting facebook accounts around the same time, and they merely wanted their friends who knew them before they were married -- to find them.

Boy do I feel dumb, but VERY relieved. :-))

I Told the Universe and the Universe Heard

2009-07-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

'Putting it out to the universe': What is that exactly?

Lately I have been meeting a lot of people who say that the universe is responding to their needs. Like the other evening, we were at a casual summer party and I found myself in a conversation with someone who was telling me about a really tough time she went through with a 'female' ailment; and how it kind of resolved itself. I asked, "how do you think it fixed itself?"

"I don't know." she responded.

"Do you pray?" I asked.

"No." she replied. "But, I put it out there to the universe, and I started feeling better somehow, then a really good homeopathic doctor came into my life, and now the problem is just about gone!"

And last week, having morning coffee with some neighbors, one said to another (who just avoided a near accident while on a bike ride), "the universe is really watching out for you!"

And then I was listening to NPR while they were interviewing a type of anxiety therapist who was talking about his technique in helping people. A caller called in complaining of a visceral anxiety surging whenever he thought about something (I can't remember what).

The therapist then walked the caller through a visualization of the anxiety - watching it drain from his body - and floating into the universe like a cloud - then comparing the size of the universe to the anxiety cloud - and, of course the anxiety cloud was so small compared to the universe that the caller felt better...empowered to know his anxiety was small and he could wrap his brain around it.

So, me, the bold Christian, wants to ask, do you really think the universe is a responsive entity? Why is it PC to talk about the universe like it's God and not get alienated like those of us who talk openly about the power of God?

When I have a problem - I pray to God: not necessarily to 'fix' the problem, but to gain wisdom and understanding of His will in relation to the problem. It's a measure of my trust. It's for me. And it builds my faith. And, yes, I know that God guides me towards right actions in relation to the problem (whether it gets fixed or not).

I like to think about how small my problems are compared to the greatness of God. And most importantly, I like to tell my problems how big my God is...as opposed to talking to God about how big my problems are.

I am not accepted by many groups in saying all this openly - -in mixed company, am I? For certain, I would not be interviewed on NPR with this technique of comparing my relatively tiny anxiety to God's great size.

And also it's all just semantics, right? Just words: God. Universe. Who cares which one you use?

Well, you should. Because the one you use is the one you build a relationship with.

So who authored the universe? You know, it's a very tightly synchronized system of solar systems, planets, stars, asteroids, etc. The slightest deviation from any orbit could cause mass destruction. So who planned all that organization and exactitude?

It seems to me that the universe is but one of God's products. Yes it's big and mysterious but we can validate it....and therefore, I guess, validate our appreciation of it by giving it credit for taking care of us.

But God is so much bigger than the universe.

Is my meal from the frying pan or the chef who made the meal? Or the factory that made the frying pan? Am I from my parents or my siblings?

From God's perspective, we are another of His creations, just like the universe is one of His creations. We are not beholden to the universe...We are beside it. It is our playground, our environment, our home, place, ours to discover, explore and appreciate... But our keeper? No way.

Whenever someone says "universe" in relation to meeting their needs, it's a sign they want to believe in something but are afraid to step out of socially accepted rhetorical comfort zones to express it. I believe God has them on His radar as 'wannabe-lievers', but He knows they are 'afraid-to-believers'.

He will hear them regardless of who they think they are talking to cause He knows they need to be cared for...and they are at least talking to one of His products.

Don't Be Afraid To Stand....DOWN

2009-07-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

I added that Britt Nicole song to my play list that goes (in part), "don't let your lights go out./ Don't let your fire burn out. / Somewhere somebody needs a reason to believe. / Whatever your eyes are on now / don't be afraid to stand down. / That's how the lost get found."

Several months ago, my son was on a week-long camp out with his camping club. They were kayaking down the Colorado River. Great time.

He could not stop talking about all the fun he had. One of the things the boys did for fun during a trek up some waterfall - or maybe in a cave - was to have a moss ball fight from the spongy moss growing to the side of the water. Sounds gross, right? Well, they are all boys, go figure.

Anyhow, one of the boys took a stray moss ball in the head and decided to get mad at my son for it....even though it wasn't thrown by my son...for whatever reason this kid got mad and tried to strangle my son in a head-lock. Now, you should know that my son is no slouch - he's tall and muscular and can hold his own. The guy attacking him was smaller but strong.

In telling the story, my son said, "it was weird mom, it was like he was a mad dog or something, like he couldn't control what he was doing." (I have such a strong radar for people with abhorrent behavior - so my antenna went right up)

My son eventually broke free. Didn't fight back. Was a little shook up. But fighting back was never a question for him.

I applauded him for turning the other cheek...that biblicly he did the right thing. That's exactly what Jesus teaches.

I confess, I felt sick to my stomach saying these things because I wanted to not only rip out the other kid's eyes myself, I also wanted my son to know the satisfaction of decking the guy...knocking some sense into him.

One of the counselors told me later in an email that the strangle kid was known to be aggressive and has had several 'stern warnings' on several other camp outs about his aggressive behavior, and that my son was not the only one this kid has lashed-out at. He said, "we aren't watching the boys a lot of the time. Their behavior is up to them. We counselors have to teach the goof-balls to become men and teach the men how to deal with the goof-balls." And, in my head I agreed with him, absolutely, and had no hard feelings. The incident was past. Or was it?

Last Sunday, my son left on another camp out and I found my self saying, "If that kid is on this camp out, and if he attacks you, by all means, you fight back. I will back you up 100% if you are defending yourself. Don't throw the first punch, just hit back if you need to defend yourself.

And that's where the song comes in. How could I give my son such non-biblical advice? Where is my heart at? DON'T BE AFRAID TO STAND DOWN BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THE LOST ARE FOUND. Submission is an invitation to...

As a parent, I want to only give my boys guidance and discipline that is good (read right, read godly, read from the Bible), and here I was totally taking the easy way out because of my own personal fear of the uncontrollable, unpredictable. My attention to fear - in that moment - became bigger than my trust in God's promise.

Have you ever been reminded of how small you are? I feel pretty puny right now. Jesus does not deserve this kind of treatment. After all, he trusts me to raise His children/my sons.

This might seem small to you - something that happens every day. And that's the point. Small things that layer and layer in our everyday lives continue to help keep the evil one in control. Yes, in control. And I don't want that for my life or either of my sons'.

Don't Give Your Pearls to Pigs

2009-06-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

I mailed a strand of old pearls to my niece a couple of weeks ago. My husband, after 16 years of marriage, realized that my only pearls were given to me in college by a boyfriend. He immediately went to a place of thinking there was some significance in the fact that they were still in my jewelry drawer. Not so. Pearls are classic, perfect with the little black dress, funerals, afternoon teas, and business meetings. They were a perfect accessory.

He didn't let it go. For my birthday this year, lo and behold, I received a beautiful double-stranded pearl necklace. No reason for me to keep the old pearls anymore, right? So I mailed them to my God-daughter - no note, nothing special - because they weren't special - but they were indeed beautiful, and I knew she would really like to have some real pearls in her wardrobe.

Time went by and I didn't hear from my niece. I finally texted her asking her if she got the pearls. No. She hadn't seen 'em yet.

So... they're lost or stolen. What are you going to do? Hopefully the person who took them will wear them in good health. I don't really care because those pearls didn't mean that much to me. That someone really appreciative ended up with them would be a great scenario...but I don't really care either way. For all I know, my niece's mail carrier put the strand of pearls on her pit bull named, Pearl.

The whole experience made me realize that the guy who gave me the pearls some 20-odd years ago (yes I am that old), was giving me something that had a lot of meaning for him. And at that time, and right now, the pearls meant no more to me than a great accent to an Anne Taylor suit.

I was the pig that this guy, long ago, should not have given these pearls to, because for him they were probably pearls of commitment perhaps; or pearls of significance at any rate - you know - because according to my husband: guys don't give pearls for no reason. And I just didn't get it. I did not speak the same language...was not on his wavelength.

Juxtapose that experience to this: (the real meaning of this, yes, biblical statement)

I have a friend who, well, we have great chemistry. She's the type of friend that if you haven't seen for a while, or talked to in a long time, you just feel like you have never been out of touch at all. We just sync in our thinking. Except one little detail....being...she is a non-believer. And, that's okay. She accepts me for who I am and I accept her and we still get along famously.

She has a lot of questions about life and death, faith, does God exist, and how-can-a-good-God-do-such-bad-things, etc. But nothing I tell her sticks. In fact, if she asks me something about God, Jesus, or the Bible, I tell her very boldly....what the biblical view is. But then I don't hear from her for a few weeks. All the sudden she has a new best friend. Then, 6 months later, we are back to hanging out together, and it starts all over again.

And I give her all I have. I care about her and don't want to preach to her. That's not what we are about. I confide in her and she in me. And when she asks, I tell her my personal experience with Jesus - you know really personal stuff. And there she goes. Gone again, and again. We have had about...let's see... maybe an 8 year cycle of all this.

I finally realized - because I am slow, maybe - my friend doesn't speak the same language...doesn't have the same faith...So she wasn't hearing me. She was privately fearing me instead. Don't get me wrong...not the kind of fear like a monster chasing you. Subtle fear as in when someone tells you a little too much and you say, "Uh, T-M-I. I didn't need to know that much!" And it creates a cushion around whatever the subject was. That cushion is a layer rooted in fear and it protects....insulates.

So I don't know why she asks me questions about God and His role in marriage, fidelity, war, disease. I just answer according to my particular filters - its all I have. But, I finally get that while I have been confiding my faith and beliefs, I have been giving her my proverbial pearls all these years. And it's been a foreign language to her. She just doesn't hear it, has no appreciation for it - so why continue?

So, I stopped....giving her my pearls...Because you don't give your pearls to pigs (Mt 7:6). They simply don't understand the value - intrinsic or otherwise.

Just like that guy giving me a strand of pearls...and my subsequent lack of care in sending them off to who knows where; I have been giving my friend my heart-spoken understanding of life issues assuming that some sort of commitment or value or growth or substantial would follow...maybe our relationship would deepen/thicken; I don't know what I expected, but I do know I expected something. But that's not fair to her.

My friend just doesn't speak the same language...isn't on the same wavelength...doesn't have the antennae for it. My pearls for her are just a conversational adornment: not because she is callous or anything, because she just has different values from me. That's it.

No big deal. We are good friends. I just know now, finally, that what I give to the relationship, may end up around the neck of a pit bull named Pearl.

Open Rebuke or Concealed Love?

2009-06-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

Consider this passage: "Better is open rebuke than concealed love."

Which is worse: to be openly, rebuked by your spouse, or to have his/her love concealed from you?

Seems like the worse thing would be to be put down, corrected, interrupted, or reprimanded by your spouse in public. Isn't that the absolute worst? Don't we all hate that and draw a line there? If you are at a party or somewhere, and you are in the middle of a conversation with someone, only to have your husband/wife walk up and demand, something like, "You shouldn't let the kids run around!" Or like, "Do you always have to take so long, we want to go!"

Women somehow learn to let stuff like that roll off their backs. They sometimes and somehow learn to keep their mouths shut and just keep smiling. Have you ever noticed that? But believe me, they save it inside.

Men on the other hand never let stuff like that go. If a wife walks up to her husband in a public place and says, "Could you hurry it up? A lot of people are waiting!" she is destined to be in an out-n-out battle that night, and in his proverbial d-o-g house for a long time. Men don't do well with public humiliation, at all.

Well, just for a second, if you could, pretend that this passage is a truth in the human body and mind. That it's just true for humans. That the God of the universe - -the one who designed us- knows that even thought it may feel counter-intuitive, this is a truth.

What about that 'concealed love' part? God puts concealed love and open rebuke on the same axis. Why?

Concealed love is when you love someone, and don't tell them. Don't show them. Don't express it. What is the result of someone not receiving the benefit of being openly loved? They might begin to feel un-loved, right? UN as in reversed, as in love is actively taken away, as in things are done that demonstrate the removal of love. Un-done: A state at which something was once done and is now un-done, dismantled.

The act of concealing love is the same as dismantling that love. And thus, dismantling the relationship.

From His perspective, worse than the viciousness of rebuking the one you love in public and therefore looking like a jerk/bitch; worse than that gut-wrenching, sick, nauseous feeling...that humiliating, isolating, sickening feeling of being openly rebuked by your spouse; worse than those feelings are the feelings that result from concealed love.

The feelings that result from concealed love are feelings of being un-loved. And being a wife un-loved is one of 4 universal things that will eventually destroy our world....(another truth to consider):

"Under 3 things the earth trembles, under 4 it cannot bearup: a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress."

Right now let's just consider the 'unloved woman who is married part'. Under 3 things it trembles, and 4 it collapses?? It's a slow decay universal to all cultures, countries, continents and conditions. And it will destroy the relationship of marriage around the world...and your marriage, too. Just how long can something tremble before it starts to crumble?

They are both losing situations: open rebuke, concealed love. Maybe the opposite of each could solve them both: open praise might lead to expressed love and expressed love might lead to open praise...which would lead to feelings of growing love, rather than dismantling love.

Wow. Who'd a thought?

So if you are in a relationship with anyone that is based in love: wife, husband, son, daughter, friend, mother, father, whatever: GO TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM. GIVE THEM A HUG. YES, EVEN IF IT IS IN FRONT OF OTHERS. By employing its counterpart's opposite, you might invoke the end of open rebuke.

And therefore save the world!

Degrees of Separation

2009-05-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

All of us are separated from God in varying degrees. The only distinction that separates us from each other is the degree with which we are individually concerned about it.

Just When I Thought I Was Godly

2009-04-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

If my kids didn't know the f-bomb before this morning, they sure know it now....along with a few other choice expressions! I got a ticket for speeding on the way to school. I'm not proud about it and I feel angry even though I have no right to be.

I am teaching today plus I was dropping my kids off. So, not only did I need to be on time for myself and the students who expected me, I was under pressure to get my own kids to school on time.

There's this long mountain grade between my house and the school, and well, it's just super easy to speed, even when I'm not in a hurry.

But today I was in a hurry and frustrated because my kids didn't follow all the steps I barked out from my bathroom to keep them on track for getting out the door on time and THEY made us late.

So of course, I took all my anger out on them: which basically means I was speeding as a passive aggressive way to show that their insubordination pissed me off. They didn't even notice. They just ignored my dramatic efforts in favor of playing with their new DS-i.

So, when I saw the cop in my rear view window, my kids were done for. I blamed everything on them. It was awful. All I accomplished was to make a bad situation worse, and now all of us have a ruined day.

I feel like throwing up. I need to turn around. I need God today.

Hey, Perez Hilton...

2009-04-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

...did you really think it was 'anti' gay, Perez?

It wasn't about gay marriage! The importance of her answer - that you TOTALLY missed - was her ability to stand up for what she believes. Even YOU should be a fan of THAT!

Submission is an Invitation to Leadership?

2009-04-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Why would anyone want to be submissive? When I think of submission, it’s always associated with tyranny or oppression. I can’t think of it without thinking of its antithetical counterparts of oppression, tyranny, overpowering; all very aggressive and negative when compared to the feeble, weak, beaten, oppressed, enslaved, and the indentured nature of being submissive. That dysfunctional submission/oppression axis is just about the only one with which our culture is concerned, or of which we continue to perpetuate.

What is submission’s relationship with leadership? Think about it. Whenever you give in to someone, what does the action enable that person to do? It can be to take over, take advantage of, or take charge. But it can also be to take the lead.

Intentionally giving in paves the way for the other person to step up. If you can identify when a person is ready to take on a particular responsibility, and you step back and support their efforts, aren’t you allowing them to lead and succeed? Don’t you do it in your relationships? Wives, you know all those times when we bite our tongues, because we have learned when to keep our mouths closed? That is a signal that we are identifying moments to give our husbands an invitation to be leaders. Even though we know he may not succeed, he may be lost for hours and never ask directions…but in that moment, we give him the opportunity to lead. This applies to everybody. It is not just husbands and wives. Anybody in a committed relationship; whether it be gay, straight, Christian, non, business, or personal – you will be faced with the choice of stepping back in order to serve or preserve either the relationship or a common goal.

The best performance I ever got out of a team of retail sales people was when I took the role of serving them rather than directing them. We all had a common dollar goal. Rather than telling them what to do, or beat them up when they didn’t hit their numbers, I simply began doing everything I could to support their efforts to sell: restocking shelves, arranging breaks according to traffic flow, keeping their cash drawer full of change, bags and wrapping material stocked, keeping snacks in the office, being a good listener, and then finally giving them all the credit when the goal was achieved. I realized by stepping back and serving them, they would shine. And they did.

When Jesus washed his disciples' feet, they were totally confused and uncomfortable. Here was their teacher, their Rabbi kneeling down and doing the work of a servant. But he knew they had to step up and take the lead. He had to give them a demonstrative of role change. Cleaning the feet of all the disciples was his symbolic way of submitting to their potential leadership. He was passing the baton, as well as showing them how a good leader is actually a great servant.

So, why would anyone want to not only be submissive but look for ways to allow for someone’s leadership? It is beyond powerful. Because it’s wise. Are you tracking?

"Submission is an Invitation to Leadership" is a statement I heard from Andy Stanley. Thank God for blessing him and North Point Community Church for the inspiration and spiritual growth of others. If you ever have the opportunity, go see Andy speak, or podcast (see below right of screen). It's so worth it.

Maundy Thursday

2009-04-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

You know what I did today? I washed my kids' shoes. First thing this morning. In the kitchen. At the table. Under the eggs, coffee, strawberries, and oatmeal. With the cat staring at me. It wasn't even their actual feet - because their feet were in the shoes. But regardless, just the symbolic nature of washing their feet, being at their feet, serving them. Wow.

Where’s God in the Financial Crisis?

2009-04-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

Why do mean people prosper?
Why do people of no faith live in such ease?
Why are the banking CEO’s and Wall Street suits making off like bandits with all our money? Where’s God in that?

Where’s God when so many people are facing financial ruin? By the time we all realize that we have sold our kids to the government, the greed of Wall Street will be forgotten. All the money we have loaned the banking system will be a burden to our kids and grand kids…while all of our retirements will have evaporated into thin air. We have indentured our kids to pay it all back.

If I can ever find a 'real' job (as my husband puts it) that pays anything worth while, I still won’t be able to retire until at least the age of 75. We are all going to be holding a big bag of s - - t for a long time. It’s not fair for sure. But who ever said life was fair?

Thank God – thank you God – that Jeremiah asked the same questions so long ago; and thank you for your answer. Look at Jeremiah 12. These exact questions are asked flat out. And the answer is a fresh re-framing of the mind. I think of my husband a lot when I read this section – and I read it over and over. Open your Bible now and find it.

My husband is under so much pressure as the sole provider of our household…it’s crazy. And now with the financial crisis adversely affecting our only hope of a comfortable retirement, he is really worried…because he thinks he alone carries the burden.

If you have little faith, guess what? It's matched with little hope. I believe, and Jeremiah confirms, that faith will bring us through this valley…we are not here to stay…and if we trust God …he will walk us through it. Got your Bible? Here it is:

In Jeremiah, God says, “if you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country how will you manage in the thickets? Your brothers, your own family even they have betrayed you, raising a loud cry against you. Do not trust them though they speak well of you.”

I know what you're thinking: "She is so off. What on earth does that have to do with my lay off!" What has that to do with the darn financial crisis?"

What God is saying is that in your profession you will compete, but don’t measure yourself against your competition, your peers - -set your sights higher. In your own personal growth, you will make mistakes, but don’t let them (your mistakes) defeat you. Rather, prepare for tougher obstacles, greater temptations.

And in your own family, you will be betrayed and rejected, so don’t fall into a trap of kindness. Be a guard of your trust. God goes on to say, "I will send the ones I love into the hands of their enemies." If your enemy is poverty...guess what? God might love you a lot!

Hardship is a loving act to strengthen you. Again: hardship is a loving act to strengthen your relationship with God. It is not an act of punishment or a sign of God ignoring you. He creates the enemy but he doesn't authorize bad things that come from the enemy, any more than you authorize any of the bad decisions your kids make (even though you created them).

The chapter of Jeremiah is all about being broken and rebuilt. If we can focus on God, ask Him to walk us through this valley of financial devastation, we will be strengthened by it and not defeated. He will take care of us through it.

All of us in the whole country are going through this…but not everyone will come out.

Maundy Thursday

2009-04-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

You know what I did today? I washed my kids' shoes. First thing this morning. In the kitchen. At the table. Under the eggs, coffee, strawberries, and oatmeal. With the cat staring at me. It wasn't even their actual feet. But regardless, just the representative nature of washing their feet, being at their feet, serving them. Wow.

We Are Soil, Rain is the Word: But What Do We Do With It?

2009-03-04T10:31:00.000-08:00

Good Soil
My sons know so much of the Bible from memorization. And that’s because of the season of their lives: they are young and enrolled at a Christian school. Hence, they are being taught to memorize scripture. They don’t necessarily know what some of the passages mean, or how to apply them. But if my husband and I do our job as Christian parents, hopefully (and I do stress HOPE-full-y) by living with us, our boys will know how to not only apply scripture in their daily lives as they grow up, but also may they learn how to use what the Bible teaches as a transformative application.

In this sense, the Word is like rain on good soil. They know what the rain is, how much is falling, and their soil is fertile, pure, and full of potential for producing a living, breathing life form; by allowing the rain to soak in and do its work.

Bad Soil
An old church co-worker of mine, who was a nasty S.O.B used to recite scripture to me in order to ‘win’ a conversation. You know the type? They disagree with anything everyone says, hate change, and hide behind scripture to justify holding their ground. Never mind that they are using and abusing the Word of God and the life of Jesus in order to avoid making change. They know scripture, and when it’s thrown in your face like that (especially if you work in a church) the argument pretty much ends right then and there.

For this person, the meaning of the Word is like snow that beautifully covers and ugly barren landscape. It looks beautiful and protects the ground, but because the soil is so bad, doesn’t produce anything when it melts.

All About the Drops
My best friend…who hasn’t participated in a Christian community of believers her whole life that I can remember, likes to ask me about the Bible and what it says. And I really like this. I really appreciate that she wants to engage in a conversation with me on a topic that my life revolves around. But, it turns out, she doesn’t really engage in calm conversations so much as full on debates. She gets frustrated with me because not only does she know scripture, but she also knows the current debates taking place academically surrounding said scripture.

She'll ask, “What do you think about the Olson/Smith debate on Salvation?” “What do you know about eschatology?” And in frustration to my I-don't-knows, “How could you not know more about the thing you are concerned with most: being a Christian?”

For her the meaning of the Word is all about the actual rain, what the drops are like, what cloud it came from, how many drops per second, how big, and so on; pay no mind to the effect on the soil, if any.

AstroTurf
Then there’s a ‘certain relative’ of mine (I promised I would stop naming sensitive relatives in my blog) who thinks they know scripture but they have never personally read the Bible…truly read it. They use the Bible to the tune of trying to get away with something as long as the Bible doesn’t specifically say not to do it.

Like, this person would say, “well the Bible doesn’t say I can’t do it, so it must be okay!” You know, their moral compass is all about what you can get away with, rather than discerning God’s will.

For this person, the rain is just something to make conversation about, and soil is irrelevant…because their landscape is astro-turf.

Fertile Soil Has Weed Seeds Too
I am, like, well, in love with Jesus…not ‘like’ love, but deep connected, engaging, with a capital L -love. And I am in awe of my Father and His word, and interpreting it to the best of my ability. And yes, that means taking the leap of faith that the Bible is God’s word and not another person’s perspective on God’s word. I think without a doubt that everything in the Bible is true, and there is nothing that cannot be answered by the Bible. I believe that someday, somehow, every thing considered ‘way out there’ written in the Bible will be found - tried and true: look at the water and solar systems for example.

I trust that I will be a better person by doing what I read in the Bible; and so I try. I don’t memorize it, I try to apply it....and/or understand the value of the application. I flub it a lot, cowar away, hide from it, and sometimes when I do step out, I make a lot of mistakes.

For me the Word is like rain on loose, warm, puffy soil. It sinks in right away and either a beautiful plant springs up, or a weed pops out…but the soil is actively producing something. The rain is forgotten for what it is, but is appreciated for what it does.

And here’s the thing: My way is not the ‘right way’ or ‘wrong way’. And I am definitely inbalanced in my learning. I need to be more balanced in my memorization/application ratio of scripture, knowledge of current affairs in religion, and vocal in the morality of God’s love and, Jesus’ sacrifice. You know why? Because I can be more helpful to others, a better witness, a better example, mentor, and friend if I broaden my base....understand the whole knowledge about the rain and it's origin, know more about the soil and how to care for it, know more about all the minute details - - -so that I can go to people...where they are at...freely...and appreciate who they are and where they are, and be present in the relationship. That's why.

Why Do They? Why Do They? Why Do They?

2009-03-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

Why are so many Christians informational and not transformational? I really want to know. Why do they memorize the Bible chapter and verse and spew it out…but not live it? Why do so many Christians opt to not be involved, or leave things alone, or pray as a way to not being involved?

I hear my people say all the time, “I’ll pray for you.” Translation: “Good luck with that.” It’s a put off…hand off…send off...avoidance…fear…apathy. Pray with me, you loser! I want you to step out. I need you to step out.

Why are so many Christians afraid?

Why do so many Christians not step up? Why do Christians use their knowledge of the Bible to judge people rather than accept them? Why do they get caught up in rules at the expense of relationships? Why is it so important to have God’s information and keep it locked inside our heads and hearts?

Why don’t we teach more about God’s transformation?

Why do we wag our fingers? Cross our arms? Close our eyes?

Why do we not turn our cheeks more?

Do other religions have people like us? Why do the media have such a hey-day with us? Should we not welcome risk or persecution – be it little or big, vast or minute?

Why do we? Why do we? Why do we?

There’s a Plank in My Eye

2009-01-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

For my entire adult life, it seems, I have held nothing but disdain for my mother’s and father’s parents and siblings for abandoning them when my mother’s schizophrenia erupted, their marriage fell apart, and her life (as she idealized it) was taken from her.

My mother’s family abandoned her innocently and geographically very smoothly because we lived in LA, and most of them lived in Minnesota. Unforgivably, they abandoned her emotionally…left her hanging…only to be dealt with by my completely ignorant (of how to deal with anything less than a ‘perfect’ wife) fearful (read: full-of-fear) father, who escaped further into alcoholism. So, he abandoned her, too. Another story, another time.

My father’s family, who lived kind of all over the country, mainly was centered in Oregon. They were better candidates to extend a helping hand chiefly because they were at least on the right coastline, and secondarily, it wasn’t their embarrassment. They could have had an excuse for caring/helping. After all they only were related to my mom by marriage and so therefore were not tainted with the most dreadful of the dreaded…the worst of the worst…the most clandestine and unacceptable illnesses: mental illness. Even so, the situation was too icky and sticky for them, I am sure of it. So the emotional abandonment was a given.

Even now when my sister talks about my maternal grandmother with stars in her eyes, I feel nauseous, because that woman – my grandma K – is now and has always been dead to me, and I have hated her for so long for the way in which she didn’t treat my mom: didn’t come out and help when she was diagnosed, didn’t stay and help with the kids, didn’t kick my dad in the butt for being such an idiot; didn’t, didn’t, didn’t. I just cannot imagine not doing everything in my power to help if one of my children and five of my grandkids were going through such an awful ordeal. Nor could I (in reference to my parents' siblings) imagine not reaching out to a niece if I had a sister who was hospitalized for schizophrenia and whose marriage was falling between the fingers of a gallivanting alcoholic.

I don’t stand on a soap box and shout to the roof tops or anything like that. But I am quick to disregard any nice things said about my mom’s or dad’s families. I barely knew them, and they rarely bothered with me. I am quick to point out the 'splinter' in their eyes of the way they took the easy road of inaction with my mom, even though the whole season is long past.

Well, guess who has a completely estranged brother who went homeless at a young age and was diagnosed with a mental illness? Me. He went homeless as a result of being separated from all of us emotionally. We all followed our dad’s cues of splitting him off from the pack of us. He had nowhere to turn but was only driven by his will to prove my dad wrong: that he could make it on his own. When he failed, he went in various directions but eventually ended up on the streets. What streets? I don’t know. I never wanted to know.

He is now 50…will be 51 in 2009, and I still don’t know him. I have never asked for his forgiveness for my indignation, ignorance, arrogance, and well, you name it. I only tolerated him, watched my other sisters discipline him, ‘deal’ with him, at least to do what the season called for in the name of being his sisters. But worse than any type of support is no support; which is what I offered…nothing. A void.

So much is water under the bridge. But these few things will always distill: he is my brother and I need him to know that I love him, I need him to know that I am so sorry for fearing to know him, not reaching out to help him in his desperate times when -especially when- I was equipped to do so, not stepping up, not being present, not letting him know he had a family, not, not, not…

Before I again attempt to disregard my parents’ relatives, I need to look at my big brother’s little sister: ME.

My inaction related to my brother is the plank in my eye.

MT. 7:3 lives in all our lives.

The Cross

2009-01-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

There is nothing in life that is not already experienced in the Bible. Nothing. You can always find someone who is going through the same thing you are.

How cool is it that a prophet hundreds of years ago went through the same feelings and felt the same pain I feel today?

I just went through a season that made me feel how an ancient prophet felt when his public relationship with God separated him from the people he loved. I have written his conversation with God below, and (in parentheses), I have written how it relates to me…

“When your words came, I ate them; (means: I can’t get enough of what I am reading in the Bible)

They were my joy and my heart’s delight, (means: some of the stuff I read touches me so deeply)

For I bear your name, o Lord God Almighty. (Means: I feel you are inscribed on my soul and DNA and people see me immediately as a believer, and I take joy in that…finally.)

I never sat in the company of revelers, I never made merry with them. (Means: I separated myself from scoffers, non-believers, and skeptics, I stopped partying with people who I thought were superficial…but they are also my friends.)

I sat alone because your hand was on me (Means: I chose to do that out of respect for our relationship, because I felt blessed by you.)

And you filled me with indignation. (Means: But then I felt hurt and lonely because my friends learned to leave me out, and alienate me…and only come to me when they needed a token Christian POV. I mourned the loss of friend affirmation, and I blamed you – and I mourned the loss of my relationships, crying, and full of self pity.)

Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable?” (Means: I didn’t understand why I was in so much pain and so deeply hurt at the loss of their validation/affirmation.)

Then I found hope and comfort in these words from God in response to the prophet,

“If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; (means: I am here to make you whole again, but you need to look at yourself and realize I am not to blame. You are looking in the wrong place for the love, affirmation and validation you desire. I have never stopped loving you and supporting you. Blaming me is hurtful, and in blaming me you ARE alone.)

If you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman. (Means: Don’t sit there and talk about me and your experience with me and expect people to be interested... Simply be your authentic self - - grounded in me and your words will speak to the hearts of your friends, and they will see me in you.)

Let this people turn to you but you must not turn to them. (Means: You are fed by me so that you can feed them. Don’t seek to be fed by your earthly relationships. You do not NEED it from anyone but me.)

I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified city of bronze (means: I will build you up..make you strong.)

They will fight against you but will not over come you, (means: when you do hang out with your friends --who I love by the way-- who are scoffers, non-believers, and skeptics, your stance will not be shaken; your heart will determine your actions and words: pure, succinct, loving and true)

For I am with you to rescue and save you.” (Means: because I will give you the words and wisdom for all your relationships)

I felt lonely because I was looking for approval and acceptance from earth, when all the while God was pointing out, “when people turn to YOU, you need to turn to ME, your VALUE is measured by me not the people around you.”

God will feed me (vertical) and I will feed others (across: A Cross).

Pastors Worth Podcasting Best-Of 2008

2008-12-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

Do not miss out on this blog's list of pastors worth podcasting for 2008. The list below to the right: Wayne Cordiero, Andy Stanley, Joel Osteen, Greg Hoffmann.

Rated for not only their amazing way to deliver a relevant message, these are pastors who also have a technical team that think like listeners. So podcaster feels welcome and thoughtfully treated with book-end messages, music and other editing treatment to the podcast. We don't just feel like a kid with a glass to the door in the middle of a conversation!

All the pastors are a MUST HEAR for their relevance and messages of leaning-in and taking on hope like no others have communicated before. There are two messages in particular that are a MUST for listening.

ONE: A discussion from Granger Community Church’s Rob Wegner on 11/24/08, titled Outside Impact. Rob has the best explanation I have heard so far addressing Oprah’s view on religion – and how conflicted Christians can better understand it. It’s the first time I have heard anyone intelligently explain, (from a philosophical perspective) without fear-mongering, how Christians can not only understand, but welcome differing views on the paths to God - -without feeling like they condone anything other than Jesus as the Way. Rob’s style and presentation are funny, easy to understand and follow (a huge and complicated subject), and extremely biblical in the perspective of urging Christians not to judge other views.

TWO: Andy Stanley of North Point Ministries offers a weekly leadership podcast that is critical for anyone who is employed in any business. First, I have to say, bar none, (and I podcast many, many pastors throughout the US), Andy is the BEST go to person for listening to worship services. Always, always he has relevant things to say in an urgent context that strikes to the core. He presents with such humor, respect, intelligence, and he just talks like a real person….like I am talking to my husband’s buddies or something.

But here, I am recommending that you check out Andy’s Weekly Leadership podcast. It’s relevant and applicable to any business. That said, if you are a church leader and NOT listening to Andy Stanley, you may as well hang up any hope in improving on God’s plan for your church. It is that important. Andy has such practical, real-life, situational examples of church leadership conflicts, and how to adopt a fresh perspective, embrace difficulties, and how to work through and grow together in God’s plan.

Family Dinner

2008-12-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

My eleven year old son makes the noisiest smacking sounds when he eats. Normally I would immediately ask him to mind his manners and close his mouth. But with him, I just can’t. I love the sounds he makes smacking his food. He does it with such zeal and flair. It’s as though with every smack his mouth is savoring the food right down to the cell level…as though he has discovered some sort of process for extracting the vitamins before swallowing.

His eyes sparkle like stars and his face is aglow with every pert echo that drums through the air. I leave all sense of what the culture has taught me about making sounds at the table and dive into the divine sound of his little intermittent smacks…so crisp, so delightful…as though he is trying to suck every ounce of life out of his day. I find myself culled by the noise…it’s like the sound of a quick kiss when you kiss a baby on the belly, or when you hold a child’s face in your hands and peck it with endless kisses. I think of the sound of a first kiss on a cold night walking in the park…soft and warm but quick and fleeting.

My mind drifts even deeper yet into the intimate sounds of the marriage bed. There’s something innate and raw about the sounds bodies make when they’re engaged. Once brought out and witnessed by two lovers when they penetrate the thick silence of a softly lit bedroom, there’s no denying connection at the very root of being, held together by the threads of the subtle sounds of skin touching skin and short quick breaths. There is something carnal, base, and at the origin of our human existence - - letting sounds be the music of, and the praise for, this union designed by God himself. It's a frame, a setting, a back-drop, a rhythm to the beginnings of new life. Two separate bodies coming together, drawing from ancestral beginnings, transforming, improving, and then adding new life. A flutter soon felt...a son on the way.

All these feelings are summed-up in Christian smacking his food, and it makes me smile. I pray thanks to God for such a blessing, and I think of the nights he and his little brother were conceived, and I am pulled into my humanness and into the marriage I have been blessed with, and how our union into One has made these two amazing young men.

But then I prove myself to be a hypocrite when I hear other people smacking their food. When my mom eats, she too makes smacking noises… But hers are disgusting. They aren't rooted in enjoyment of the food she eats at all. At the same meal with Christian smacking at one end of the table, she was at the other end attempting to hold in her dentures with her tongue as she ate, and there was this kind of hollow click associated with each bite she took. And it made me sick to think of the sounds she and my dad may have once made in their love-making. They have been split for over about 40 years. But there was a time when they were One together, and they conceived six children in all. It sickens me to picture it.

And my mom is merely attempting to eat a dinner I made for her without losing her teeth onto the plate in front of her hunched body. After one particularly loud, hollow click-smack combination, she slowly puts down her fork with a wobbly hand of an 83 year old, then reaches up to her mouth. To my horror, she pulls out her teeth and licks off chunks of food stuck in her bridge. “This dinner is just delicious,” she says. Then she puts her teeth back in and proceeds to slowly pick up her fork again.

Ethan looks sideways at her, I'm frozen, and Christian does not even notice in his glorious smacking zeal.

Not to Mix Politics and Religion, But...

2008-12-13T14:51:00.000-08:00

I have a tremendous amount of reverence and respect for McCain. He's a good man. For a long time (like the past 8 years) I wished he could be our President. But I was never so aggravated with myself for being a Republican as when John McCain started using the sound bite, "Mr. Obama wants us to spread the wealth (he said this in a jeering tone, hence the ital). We work hard for our money and should keep it in our own pockets!"

I have to tell you, as a Christian Republican - - and I fully understand that Christian's are traditionally associated with Republicans and the Republican sound bites that fly out there - - but as a Christian who really strives to live biblically, I was sick, pissed off, embarrassed, and fatigued by being a Republican.

How many times in the Bible does Jesus talk about money? How many? Of all the subjects he is quoted on, money is the 1 subject he talks most about. Remember what he says? (I am asking only Christian Republicans who like to keep the money they rightfully earn). Remember what Jesus says? Jesus...you know, the whole reason you are a CHRISTian? He calls us to GIVE OUR MONEY AWAY. He urges us to freely give to the poor. Not just freely, but without thinking, without even knowing what you are doing -JUST GIVE.

So, if someone in this country wants to install policies that would spread the wealth to the poorer of the classes, isn't that setting up a system by which we would be giving without thinking? Wouldn't it?

Shouldn't we (as the statistically low-tithers we are), shouldn't we welcome policies that 'spread the wealth'? Yes.

Prop 8: A Case of the Sneetches or Oppression?

2008-10-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

Are you as confused by the details of Prop 8 as I am? My fellow Christians, we are quick to put up a wall and say, "God defines marriage as between a man and a woman. What's to argue? It's clear to vote Yes on 8."

I say, "Not so fast." What about Isaiah? He adamantly warns against supporting laws that are unjust, and legislation that oppresses people. So how can we - as believers - possibly stand on our soap boxes and dream of voting for a law that (on the surface) seems to treat a segment of people unjustly, and oppresses them and their children.

Let's not forget separation of church and state: yes, for us believers marriage is for men and women. But the leaders of this state are not put in their positions in order to force God's rules on people. They are put their positions of leadership (by our God) in order that they treat everyone fairly, without judgement....regardless of the population's belief in God or not.

Believers can't force someone to follow God's way. It must be their choice...Oh, yes, God's m/o that little thing called...FREE CHOICE. He doesn't want people to come to Him or follow Him via force. He wants to establish a relationship when we come to him by our own choice. Then, we learn to, love to, and are passionate about His laws...because we love him... Not because it's in the state legislation.

This is precisely why it is hard to be a Lawmaker and a Believer. You have to be able to take care of all people even when you know they are not God's people. Fair in society does not always mean God. In fact, God's way is a narrow and well-defined path...but we can't judge people who are not on that path...Christian lawmakers MUST care for all.

Also, wasn't it Jesus who came to the defense of his disciples when they ate wheat on the Sabbath? We have a living example of breaking the rules when it's the right thing to do in context with the circumstances. So as believers, we need to figure out if Prop 8 is the right thing to do. Not say, "yes" just because we know God's definition of marriage. We are no better than the Pharisees if we vote Yes without knowing if Prop 8 is fair or right in context with the circumstances.

There are things to question: 1. Do same-sex couples already have equal rights when you compare a domestic partnership or civil union to marriage? In other words, do they just want to use the word marriage? Is it the actual word that is in question? Is this another case of the Sneetches? Do gay couples want bellies with stars...want it just because they don't have it? We all know the moral of that story, right?

Side bar: The word marriage is God's word. He introduced in into the human race, and He defined it as His word; and it is wrong to re-define it, or give it a meaning different than what it is. The problem is that laws of this land use Biblical terms. They just do. That doesn't make the term 'marriage' less Biblical. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT PROP 8 IS ABOUT. The state supreme court has already done the redefining, has already taken it, and defines it in the state of California as a thing available to all. Prop 8 is about taking it back.

Ultimately, as it stands now, in the state of California, marriage is available to all sexes; same and opposite. Domestic partnerships have the same benefits as California's marriage. Legally, there is no difference in domestic partnership and California's marriage...(except, if you are not same sex, one partner must be at least 62 years of age in order to get a domestic partnership.) What's done is done. And in May...when marriage was redefined by the California Supreme Court, what happened? What happened was that millions of people felt liberated, freed, treated as equals, treated fairly, they stopped feeling oppressed.

Praise God for that. Praise God for sharing His word so that people He is trying to reach, feel liberated in society.

To overturn this supreme court ruling would be taking something back that has already been given out. It would isolate and treat a sector of society unfairly, emotionally; but not legally.

So, it kind of boils down to this: What honors God more: to advance his kingdom or to preserve His kingdom? What will advance His kingdom more; to take back a word stolen, preserve its meaning and therefore preserve God's mystical relationship between men and women brought together for life, or to let lawmakers use it in order to liberate an oppressed sector of society? Who is Jesus interested in saving? Who has he come for? Are we disciples or guardians?

Now let me ask you believers: what do you think Jesus would do at this juncture?

So Worth It

2008-10-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

I was out running the other day and was thinking about when Jeremiah was called by God to be a prophet. Jeremiah didn’t want to be a prophet because he felt too young and that no one would listen to him. Then God told him not to be afraid, and He reached out his hand and touched Jeremiah’s mouth and said, “Now, I have put my words into your mouth. I appoint you over nations to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow to build and to plant.” Pretty wild, eh? Can you imagine God touching your lips and then telling you that you would take down nations?

Then I thought of Isaiah and how he was commissioned to prophesy after a seraph in a vision touched his lips with burning coal to remove his guilt and atone his sin.

I kept thinking, that would be so cool to have God touch my lips…or some sign to keep me going …a validation for all the scripture I read and then try to share, and apply to everyday life…it sometimes feels like a burden, even though it’s a burden I love. I know full well that it separates me from many.

So I was running along trying to picture what kind of hands God has, and what would it be like to see them, when all the sudden I got this vision of the most beautiful, full, perfectly shaped, sexy, lick-able, masculine, soft, lips I have ever seen. They were exquisite.

And they pressed against my mouth. I felt like a breeze or something wrapping around me. And it was amazing. I had to stop in my tracks. I was sobbing and laughing all in the same breath. It was so wild and so strong.

Just that little glimpse makes it all worth it. So worth it.

Financial Ruin is Good For Believers...Believe it or Not!

2008-10-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

A question I hear a lot, and ask a lot is this: “Why do mean people prosper?” Or, “Why do people of no faith live in such ease?” Why are the banking CEO’s and Wall Street suits making off like bandits with all our money? Where’s God in that? Where’s God when so many people are facing financial ruin? Most of us won’t know the full extent of how much we lost until 4th quarter numbers come out in January on all of our mutual fund statements and IRA’s. By then, the greed of Wall Street will be forgotten, all the money we have loaned the banking system will still be a burden to our kids and grandkids…while all of our retirements will have evaporated into thin air. If I can ever find a real job that pays anything worth while, I won’t be able to retire until at least the age of 75. We are all going to be holding a big bag of shit for a long time. It’s not fair for sure.

Thank God – thank you God – that Jeremiah asked the same questions so long ago; and thank you for your answer. Look at Jeremiah 12. These exact questions are asked flat out. And the answer is a fresh re-framing of the mind. I think of my husband a lot when I read this section – and I read it over and over. My husband is under extreme pressure as the sole provider of our household…it’s crazy. And now with the financial crisis adversely affecting our only hope of a lucrative retirement, he is really worried… and rightfully so. If you have no faith, there probably isn’t much hope. But I believe, and reading Jeremiah confirms, that God will bring His faithful through this valley…and rebuild what was lost even more abundantly than before.

God is the first to tell us that bad things will happen. But believers are expected to be strengthened by adversity…not sit back and say, “hey, what kind of God let’s this happen?” Because the answer is, “a good God.” In Jeremiah, God says, “if you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country how will you manage in the thickets? Your brothers, your own family even they have betrayed you, raising a loud cry against you. Do not fall into the trap of trusting them even when they speak well of you.

What God is saying is that in your profession you will compete, but don’t measure yourself against your competition, your peers - -set your sights higher. In your own personal growth, you will make mistakes, but don’t let them defeat you. Rather, prepare for tougher obstacles, greater temptations. And in your own family, you will be betrayed and rejected, so don’t fall into a trap of kindness. Be a guard of your trust. God goes on to say, I will send the ones I love into the hands of their enemies.

It is a loving act - -breaking you down - - in order to build you up and strengthen you. The chapter of Jeremiah is all about being broken and rebuilt. If we can focus on God, ask Him to walk us through this valley of financial devastation, we will be strengthened by it and not defeated. He will take care of us through it. All of us in the whole country are going through this…will you look to God and come out stronger and more prosperous as a result...or not?

A Cancer Waiting To Happen

2008-10-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

Heads-up church leaders, especially Tim Stevens, you’ve got to listen to this. Pastor Andy Stanley (he's a PWP below to the right) offers a leadership podcast, a conversation designed and to help church leaders go further, faster (their words). I just listened to the latest conversation* where Andy talks about assumptions and emotional attachments church leaders inherently cultivate in running their ministries over time.

What happens in a church is this: when the leaders have all built and settled into their ministries, they fall in love with the way they do ministry - -whether it’s effective or not. And because of that emotional attachment, there will always be a reason why an ineffective program continues. The church won’t consider changing because (for example)…it will hurt someone’s feelings, or the older people don’t use computers, or she lives to deliver flowers, or he brought all his kids up through that program…you get the idea. These are all the types of comments that indicate a cancer growing in ministry.

Andy attributes emotionalized ministry work to long-term staff members getting settled in their love for the way they do their ministry; and he compares that emotional bond to the same kind of bond you might have with an old couch: it’s plain ugly, but you can’t get rid of it because of all the memories it holds, like, the new puppy that slept on it when he was sick; all the kids were raised with it, our first kiss was on that couch; and so on. A new person would walk up and say, “Let’s get rid of that ugly couch!” A long-term person would say, “We can’t get rid of that good ol’ couch!” The problem when ministry is the old couch is this: the tendency to become emotionally attached to your ministry is an inward emotional movement, it moves your focus to your self, your center of emotional need - -which might not be God’s need for His church.

Andy Stanley’s message calls for fresh new eyes, new ideas – ones that have no emotional attachment – that are focused on Gods vision for the church- he calls for courage to make effective changes in the church. He suggests this:

Ask your leaders: if someone came into our church today that was qualified, convicted to help the church reach people for Christ, had no emotional attachment to any ministry or person, had a plan for change, what changes would they make in our church?
Brainstorm with your leaders: list all the possible changes an outsider would make?
Then ask your leaders: why don’t we make those changes?

If it’s possible for your staff to have the courage to let go of the emotion and comfort that develops over time, to drop a few ‘old couch’ programs and make effective Christ-centered changes, then do it. But if your staff cannot separate themselves from their (natural) attachments, I still say, it’s time to hire someone with new eyes.

This narrative is building– Praise God - the need for churches to REFORM and consider fresh management. I call for churches to consider hiring from the outside. Andy Stanley calls for churches to challenge themselves as an outsider would. The inward, only-hire-the-people-we-know-and-do-what-we-want narrative is a cancer waiting to happen.

I appreicate Tim Steven's point of view (of only hiring within) because he says it works for Granger, an amazing church that has transformed thousands of lives towards Christ. And he is this country's most innovative Executive Pastor. But I know that hiring-from-within-only is not now, and has not been successful for the vast majority of American churches - they don't know it, can't see it, and would never admit it.

*(Andy Stanley’s Leadership Podcast. Itunes. August 28, 2008.)

For All That Stuff in the Bible That Goes Right Over My Head

2008-09-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

Picture how beautiful this is: "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." This is one of the reasons why I appreciate Isiah so much. He packs the largest concepts in the smallest statement and with such beauty.

Am I a sower? Is His Word producing seeds that I will plant? Or am I the consumer, the one who eats the product of the seed - the bread eater? Or am I a little of both? Notice, the metaphor only talks about the seed or the end-product, not the plant or the crop. Why is that?

Or, maybe I am the earth? Maybe I bud and flourish at having the Word sink into me. Maybe I have seeds for my descendants, and bread for my current relationships. What do you think?

Then there's the rain versus the snow. Isn't it true that some of the things you read in the Bible are like that? Some things sink in immediately and super-charge me just like water immediately sinks into dry potting soil; while other passages I read take a while. They rest on the surface of my being like snow rests on the ground --slowly melting--slowly feeding.

And don't the most beautiful plants emerge from the snow? Especially after the ground has been covered for a while. To see that first bud pop through the surface is like nothing else. Because of the contrast of color breaking through frozen barren white; it marks that life is underneath and that what's to come will be lush and rich. It's hope. Even though I don't understand a lot of what I read in the Bible, because of this, I think of all those words that roll past my eyes, and rest on the outside of my understanding in the same way I think of snow covering the ground, that will eventually give way to am amazing lush landscape.

I have great hope for the things that don't sink in right away, like snow; and great gratitude for that which I can soak up in the moment - like rain.

Fantasy No.1

2008-09-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

To my friend...enjoy, savor, immerse!

Picture this:

You are with your husband in front of his parent's house. He takes your hand and you walk together up the steps to the front door. You stand on the porch. It's cool in the shade. A distant wind chime sprays the silence with a cascade of melodious rings, then falls silent with the wane of the soft breeze.

You don't enter the house. Rather, your husband reaches out and touches the doorbell lightly. He squeezes your hand. You feel the moisture from his palm against yours. His hand is warm...a snug blanket over yours.

The door opens. His father surprised, opens the door wider. His mother comes up from behind, motioning you in. Your husband holds up his other hand as if to say, "no, thanks," like one who refuses a piece of cake.

He says, "Dad, mom, I have something to say. This is my wife whom I love. We are one body, one person. She is flawless. Anything you say against her, you say against me. Any praise you have for me, is shared with her. And there's something else I want you to know. I have enough love for all of you. You are my parents and I will never stop loving you, no matter what you think of me or my wife."

Then your husband lets go of your hand, steps halfway into the door and gives each of his parents a long tight embrace. Your father-in-law's thick fingers pinch tears away from his eyes, and he looks up using gravity to hold back the rest. Your mother-in-law lets go of your husband's shoulders and dabs her nose with a tissue produced from her pocket.

Your husband turns back to you, seems taller somehow, takes your hand, and you walk back down the steps.

"...a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gn. 2:24

If there are any other women who benefit from swimming in this, sinking your teeth into it, savoring it, becoming intoxicated with it, please enjoy...and let me hear from you!

P.S. To my own husband (and all his parents): Please know this is NOT written in relation to, nor about you - - this is written for a friend. That's all.

Hiring Church Leaders or Breeding Sychphants?

2008-09-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of Granger Church. Look at their website, their mailings, all their communication is very well planned and intentional. It is by far the only church right now in the US who knows how to communicate, and they do it with consistency, conviction, and clarity. They preserve and extend their brand/identity very well. In fact, I would go so far to say that it is the first church that presents itself better in media (on paper, web, mailings, post cards, workshops) than in their messages. Usually, the worship message is great but the church's other touch points (i.e. signage, newsletters, and posters, etc.) are all homemade, mis-matching, Xeroxed, and/or unprofessional…But not at Granger. Because of that I am a big fan of their Communications Director, Kem Meyer. She is a leader and pioneer of the church communication industry, a real hero. And she is cool, too.

Because she’s so cool, I figured that all the leaders of Granger might just be the real deal ~bold Christians able to run the church without fear and truly according to Jesus' teachings. But I read the article, Hiring Criteria[1] by Tim Stevens, another Pastor at Granger and author of many books including, Pop Goes the Church. And I got the unfortunate sense that he is just like all the other church leaders who are sanctioned to do what they think is right-minded to lead the church, rather than doing what Jesus teaches the church.

In the article, Stevens says that churches should only hire from within the body of the congregation...only hire people who have been working in ministry for a while, basically, only people who ‘fit in’. When asked about job openings he says, “[I tell candidates], move your family to Granger, get a job, jump into a volunteer role and we’ll talk in two or three years.”

It sounds good and it seems to be successful for Granger, but I totally must disagree with this. I believe when church leaders have this myopic attitude, especially towards hiring practices, the structure of the organizational team morphs into a clique, and whoever has the strongest opinion, or the Senior Pastor’s ear, is typically the one who calls the shots, regardless of what the org chart would indicate.

John 13:20 says, “Whoever accepts the one I send, accepts me, and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me.” This is when Jesus is instructing his disciples at the last supper. And he is teaching them a lesson about not getting too big for their britches (essentially). It’s right after he washed their feet. It seems to me Jesus is instructing his disciples that they need to stay focused on serving – not on themselves – in so many words – I’m paraphrasing - he says, I know all of you. I have chosen you, yet I will still be betrayed by one of you – someone I know. Then without explanation he tells them to accept “whoever I send”.

For today’s translation, I believe Jesus instructs church leaders to be open to new faces and new talent..because as in this Biblical example, you generally are sunk by someone you know, not new...and also, and more importantly, Jesus will send people of His choosing to a church that is willing. Churches that inbreed executives from long-standing volunteer positions like Stevens suggests, can get caught in a trap of hiring yes-men (or yes-women) because that is the foundation of the relationship. It can mark the beginning of the end of a church's innovation and Kingdom advancement... and over time the staff will get dysfunctional results in their communication and decisions.

The strategy of hiring longstanding volunteers on the surface is successful...and it works for Granger. But I contend that 'circling the wagons' in hiring practices is a slow cancer. Eventually, the church's growth will slow, the fire in the belly of the congregation will wane, and the core staff (of bred sychphants) will all throw up their hands in bewilderment. The practice is comfortable and cost-effective. But it is one of this world. Pray then for church leaders to take the uncomfortable route, to take risks, to trust the teaching of Jesus, to open their hearts, and keep an eye out for who He chooses to run His church.

[1] Specific and Practical. 2008. A publication of Granger Church.

Pop Quiz For Church Leaders

2008-09-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

Church leaders: What principles do you use in managing the ‘business’ of the church? Secular best-practices, personal inclination (gut feeling), or Biblical teachings? Give it a whirl.

First, match the following (true) modern-day scenario with the parable that it best fits. Then, see if you would take the same action that Jesus recommends to church leaders:

(By the way, in the scenario below, please don't pass judgement on the particular church. All the people involved in the story are genuine Christians, great at their jobs, good people, and great leaders. They are not alone. Stories like this are being shared all across the country and in all churches.)

In a medium-sized church, the Executive Pastor hires a Director for Communications and Marketing. At the council meeting, the salary of the new Director was discussed and approved. The next day, the Director of Children’s Ministry reads the published minutes of the council meeting, only to discover that the new Marketing Director makes more money than the other tenured Directors. As someone who has worked for the church many years, and who has built the programs that support the foundation of the church, the Director of Children’s Ministry was angry and hurt that a new person (whose position seems like fluff) would make more. She storms into the Senior Pastor’s office and demands the salary of the new person be reduced and that other salaries of tenured directors be adjusted higher.

Which parable best fits:
A) The Parable of the Weeds? (Mt.13:24)
B) The Workers in the Vineyard? (Mt. 20)
C) The Tenants? (Mt. 21:33)

If you guessed Workers in the Vineyard, you guessed correct!

When Paul says, "Serve wholeheartedly as though you were serving the Lord, not men." He means: it doesn't matter who you work for, or where you work, you need to do your job as though God is your boss. Do it to meet His expectations...which hopefully, would be above and beyond any written job description, right?

So, church leaders, what you would do if you were the Senior Pastor? Jesus teaches through the parable of the Workers in the Vineyard that the person in charge (the land owner) tells the worker who has been there all day working hard - -basically -- to buck up. The boss reminds the worker to stick to his own agreement and that, as the land owner, he has the right to do with his money what he wishes. In other words, 'mind your own business and do your own work' wholeheartedly.

In the case of the example above, the Senior Pastor felt bad. He had to choose between keeping peace with his tenured staff - super vital - or cutting the pay of just one newcomer (everyone upset, or just one?), and so he approved a pay cut for the new Director of Communications and a pay increase for the Directors with lower wages.

Was his corrective action good for the church? Why or why not? By his actions, who is the Senior Pastor accountable to? Think of your own church leadership team. Should they be accountable to the staff, or to Jesus? What do you think is the right thing to do? If you were the Senior Pastor in the above scenario, would be able to do what Jesus says is right? The future of the church relies on your answer.

Speechless

2008-05-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Lately, I’ve been trying to open myself up to listen to God, rather than to talk to God. And, really didn’t know how to do it or where to start. So after each prayer I would say, “I’m being silent and waiting to hear you, Lord. Please speak to me…if you are willing, speak to me so clearly that there is no way I can misunderstand your will.” A few weeks passed and I had a dream.

In it a good friend of mine wanted to show me some houses that were being built in a new development near me. And although I can’t associate which friend, or if it was a man or woman now that I am awake, I do remember the house and the neighborhood vividly.

The neighborhood was in a hilly area but not green…the hills were sloping, rocky, and brown like the desert hills in the Mojave between San Diego and Las Vegas. From a distance I could see that each housing lot was graded into the hillside like a pocket shelf. When we got to the street with the new houses, it oddly looked like a war zone. There was rubble everywhere. I felt disoriented. My friend didn’t even notice. He/she kept rattling on about what a great neighborhood this was, how beautiful, the great schools, and the great location. Not to ruin the mood, I kept my observations silent.

We approached one of the models. As we walked up to the front door, I noticed that all the details of the construction were so cheap looking up close. The concrete slab was bubbled and cracked, the electrical wiring ran down the exterior of the house like the buildings in Tijuana, the stucco was patchy and discolored. It was just icky. I kept hearing myself say, “My own house is such a better quality than this…Thank God this isn’t my house.”

When we went inside, immediately I noticed the floor seemed uneven. My friend ignored my comment and kept pushing me to consider buying this house. And I kept thinking, “I am so not interested in buying this house. Why is (my friend) pushing it on me so hard?” About that time, a level appeared in my hand and I confirmed that the floor was indeed uneven…it even felt as though the floor was moving like we were on sand or something. Just then I was ushered out to the backyard to see the vanishing-edge pool. The pool looked great. But the view over the vanishing edge was of a dump. Someone said, “James.” And I woke up. As I woke up I was overwhelmed with the numbers 1 and 27.

“Wow!” I sat up. “Does James have 27 lines in chapter one?” My husband continued to snore. “Or, maybe I am dreaming about chapter 27 line 1. Does James even have 27 chapters?” I couldn’t remember. I scrambled to the bathroom with my Bible, closed the door and turned on the light. No chapter 27. Must be chapter 1 line 27...it’s the last line of chapter 1. James 1:27 says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted.”

Well, I have to tell you, after a dream like that, wouldn’t you expect to get the message, Matthew 7:24-26?

“Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them to practice is like a wise man who builds his house on rock…But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them to practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.”

I felt like perhaps I was trying too hard...getting messages mixed...so I went back to sleep committing to read all of James the next day.

The next day came and I had already forgotten about my desire to read James further. I went to Bible study just like I would every Tuesday morning. At Bible study, the leader, noting that we were coming to the end of the current study, suggested that we begin a study on - -none other than - -James. And the title is, get this: Living on the Edge. The vanishing edge???

It all seemed a little too coincidental, so I started meditating on James 1:27.

3 weeks. Nothing. I gave up on the passage. Forgot about it entirely.

Then, this past weekend a friend and I had an out of the ordinary discussion on religion…she is clearly conflicted about some things related to the way Christians look like hypocrites when they don’t exemplify the same points of view as Jesus. And while I hate the prove-to-me-that-Christians-(fill in the blank) debate, I want to have this discussion with her so she can see that Christianity is about relationships more so than rules.

This particular friend has a lifestyle and belief system that is different from mine. And while it’s nice and full of wealth…it just isn’t for me…it’s like the house in that dream. But it doesn’t preclude me from being her friend. And just now…4 days later…I am finally realizing that James 1:27 would have been the perfect passage to point her to. And guess what else? Just as I came to this realization, it started to rain – on a clear sunny warm day! (See blog entry Praise You in this Storm)

This particular debate with this particular friend could not have been predicted…we have never talked about religion before, ever. Yet, it occurred, and the dream, and the passages James 1:27 and Matthew 7:24, and the rain awakening, were so distinctly tailored to not only ground me, but to equip me in being a blessing to my friend, that I am absolutely rendered speechless.

I Love Oprah. Can You Say That Out Loud?

2008-04-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

A few years ago when the movie, The Da Vinci Code was in theaters, I remember having a pizza party for my son at a restaurant in the same strip-mall as the movie theater, and having a woman enter the restaurant waiving Da Vinci Code flyers telling everyone not to see it because it was, according to her, anti-Christian.

At that time I felt so guilty and inconsiderate because not only am I a Christian, I try my best to be an obedient Christian. But I have to tell you, I thoroughly enjoyed both the movie and the book. The woman scolded me, “How could you see that?” She asked. According to her, all Christians had an obligation to boycott the movie, and protest in front of each theater. And I took what she said to heart.

I was really torn because it was just a silly fiction, but I guess there was a part of me that thought she was right. Was I helping to advance Satan’s kingdom by paying my good money to see the movie, and read the book? Hence, was my money fueling the media machine that misrepresents my God? Did it mean that I believed it, just because I watched it, or read it? I didn’t feel like I believed it. It hadn’t dawned on me to think of the movie or book beyond the mindless entertaining fiction it was. But if Jesus were with me, would he have wanted to see it? Would he be hurt that I read the book? Ultimately I knew without question that my belief in Christ hadn’t waivered as a result of experiencing a hypothetical fiction that supposes Jesus had a child and was married. I know what is written to me and for me, and what is put in my heart by Him. I know who saved me and who loves me beyond measure.

The woman told me that’s how Satan works: in subtle ways, sucking people in through popular media. Then I asked her what scene specifically she found threatening. She said, “I didn’t see it. Why would I see that?” She herself couldn’t defend Jesus beyond saying, “Just don’t see it.” I thought, “How can you fight the false rhetoric about Jesus if you don’t know what it is?” How could one intelligently defend Jesus if one hadn’t seen the movie or read the book? How lame is that - -to hide from Satan?

After several days of pondering the issue, I felt something urge me towards an intentional decision not to boycott, hide from, or otherwise protest influences that misrepresent Jesus without first fully understanding them. I concluded that not watching the Da Vinci Code as a form of activism would be tantamount to sticking my head in the sand.

Fast forward three years to Oprah. There are a lot of Christians calling for the boycott and/or protesting of Oprah because she has popularized a new surge of belief that there is more than one way to God than through Jesus (in a nutshell). The concern, of course, is for all the hundreds of thousands of Christians who have over several years come to rely on Oprah, look up to Oprah, and/or bond with Oprah via her talk show. To those Christians who, I guess, never thought twice about Oprah’s faith, and who feel betrayed by her now, Oprah is revealing herself to be quite the false idol. She has been like a friend to thousands of Christians throughout the world, and now is like the wolf wearing the sheep’s clothing - - the exact false idol that Jesus warns believers to look out for.

I don’t really understand the Oprah thing…never watched her, and I don’t read along with her book club. But I can tell you after receiving an email about Oprah last week…that I love her. And here’s why: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven.” (MT5:44); and: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (MT 22:39).

The emails flying around about Oprah with the theme, “Don’t Be Deceived!” do not seem very loving or constructive. They seem laden in fear, alarmist and un-thoughtful…lacking thought. Seems like any Christian who runs in fear of Oprah, tries to protest Oprah (especially without knowing the details of what they are protesting), or calls other Christians to boycott Oprah…AND then FAILS to call for compassion in loving her, praying for her, and focusing on God’s will for her, are just not Christians...they themselves are revealing something worse: false Christians.

I have faith that God will make her path straight (because, face it, at least God is the object of Oprah’s teaching – so He will meet her and I trust Him to do so), but in the mean time, we are called to pray for her, and commanded to LOVE her. Doesn’t mean we can’t be stern and convicted, but it does mean we should not perpetuate anger and fear.

Being loving in the face of deception, dealing with those who put down Jesus, and trying to protect people from Satan’s influences are all really hard to do using Jesus’ prescription. It’s not so much THAT we react, it’s HOW we react. These are the events that define us as Christians. So even though it is very difficult, and I would love to hop on the bandwagon of fear-mongering emails about Oprah, I cannot. I must say, pray, and believe that I love her. With Jesus’ command, I pray for her. With His command, I love her. Can you say that out loud?

Unremarkable

2008-04-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

“And your parents?”

“They were unremarkable.”

“What do you mean, ‘unremarkable’?”

“Utterly unremarkable! They did nothing memorable.”

“What?”

“They were just there. They accomplished nothing like what I have done!”

“But they raised you. Surely you can remember something of significance.”

“No. Nothing!”

“Not a single thing?”

“My mother - she never worked that I can remember. My father he made nothing of himself. He was an accountant or school teacher or something.”

“Wow. Sad.”

“What is sad?”

“I just can’t believe that’s all you have to say. It’s sad.”

“What’s so sad? They're nothing! I'm published in five languages all over the world! I run the writing program for the university and I'm the managing editor of the literary journal. I've brought you a long way, too! Don't you think?”

“Far enough.”

“What?”

“Hearing you say that about your parents makes me realize what my worst nightmare would be: After stopping my whole life, sacrificing, switching gears to motherhood, falling in love with my kids, giving them all my heart and sole, devoting so much of my own identity to them – that in fact, proudly, my identity is them, only to have my own sons 40 years from now say that I was ‘unremarkable’. It’s a shame. I feel bad for your mom and dad who probably gave so much of themselves, and you don’t appreciate it.”

“Let’s stop talking about this.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve no interest any longer. More vodka!”

“No. Thank you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve no interest any longer.”

An actual conversation with my mentor one night over Russian vodka. The realization of a false idol.