First things first: The church is Christ's bride. Meaning, we are, as a people, married to Christ, and He is our head, and we are His body. Whether we are following Christ in the way he wants us to follow, whether we are supporting each other and therefore supporting the direction of the Head, whether we are collectively in good spiritual shape or not...we are Christ's bride. The only question is this: are we a good wife, bad wife, supportive wife, bitchy wife, condescending wife, bossy wife, loving wife, or what KIND of wife are we? Looking around America in the local Christian church, I would say we the people are a disinterested, whining, complaining, lazy, high-maintenance, but well-intentioned wife.
The big question of the day (in church) is: How do we change/reform/transform the heart of the church to be a better body to this wonderful Head? Basically, that is the question. Right?
May I propose we look at our individual marriages as a starting point? For, how can we individually support the church marriage to Christ if our own earthly marriages are not in line with the same priorities laid out for the heavenly, collective marriage to Christ?
The husband is the head. He just is. His job as the head is to be the spiritual leader. His role is to love God/Christ/Spirit first, then his wife, then his children. If these three things are not prioritized as such - your personal church is out of whack, and you are contributing to the larger church being out of whack - dysfunctional. For example if you give up time with your wife in prayer so that you can work on a hobby, computer, watch the TV, etc. , your marriage will contain discontent. The husband's job in relation to his wife is to lead her to Christ. In relation to his children, his job is to lead them to Christ and mentor them spiritually. If these two actions take a minor role in your household, your personal church is out of whack and you are contributing to Christ's body being out of whack.
The wife is the body of the marriage. Yes, she is submissive BUT submissive in this specific transactional way: when the husband is leading her to Christ, she is to submit in the action of being lead to Christ. And likewise, if the husband is partaking in an action that is NOT leading his wife to Christ, the wife's job is to re-orient the husband to Christ. When these two things are happening progressively and in tandem, the marriage is partaking in honoring the way in which Christ designed His church. This complicated yet beautiful relationship is all spelled out in Ephesians. And you can read about it in This Momentary Marriage, By John Piper.
So, husbands, if you believe that bossing your wife around is your right because she is 'supposed to-be-submissive-because-the-Bible-says-so' you are wrong...not only are you wrong, but you are idolizing yourself over your wife - -which takes the marriage out of whack and makes it dysfunctional. Husbands: only when you are leading your wife to Christ is she called to submit - that means, leading in prayer, initiating the process of going to worship, worshiping, giving thanks to God, praising His blessings in your life. When you step up spiritually, guess what? Your wife will support you, submit, back off, be encouraging, be loving...be all those things you complain you don't have. I bet there are NO divorce petitions that complain the wife was too helpful while being lead to Christ, you know? And when you don't understand the importance of going to worship, you know, when you feel like you are separate from the church, like you can take it or leave it - - guess what? You are still the church. The mentality of thinking that the church is irrelevant is like an eye saying the hand is irrelevant - - or better yet, that sentimentality is the rebellious kid who refuses family - YOU ARE STILL A PART OF IT. The only question is are you good at your job/role or bad?
And wives, are you running around church all the time, giving all your time to ministry and wondering why your husband doesn't 'catch up' with you spiritually? Are you wondering why he's not 'saved'? Trust me, if you put anything or anyone or any ministry or any worship, or any relationship in a higher priority than your personal mission of being a help to your husband, then, guess what? Your marriage is out of whack according to your calling. Your number 1 priority is the spiritual well-being of your husband and your job is to encourage and help him to get and remain oriented on Christ. It just is. So any time you find yourself wondering why he doesn't go to church with you, or why he doesn't pray with you, ask yourself: when is the last time you tried to help him? Your church is your marriage. Do not mistake going to a building called church with your real and personal church. Get your marriage in order, Ephesians order. That's the first church of Christ. I am the most guilty of putting my desire to worship before my calling to be a help to my husband. That's idolatry.
And last of all, Pastors. What's your marriage like? Do you actively, intentionally, practice leading your wife to Christ? Do you put the relationship with her above all others? Above your relationship with all your ministries, the church board, the deacons? Are you leading your children in prayer? Do you miss evenings at home because you are out doing hospital visits? Do you invite all kinds of people to your home all the time? All these things are good, don't get me wrong, but...if they take precedent over your wife - you are running a dysfunctional marriage and therefore a dysfunctional church. Look around you. Chances are your church attracts families or people who have the same dysfunction as you in your marriage. All this stuff ties together. So many pastors are who are NOT ready to pastor a church find themselves in charge of a congregation, then years later wonder why their leaders are so prideful, etc. Or wonder why there is so much divorce in the congregation, or wonder why they don't appear to function in a caring way as the body of Christ. Pastors, when you are first starting out - please get your marriage right before taking on a congregation.
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